Nature nerd/Dog mama/Tired gal

It’s been a long time since I’ve actually set time aside to share on this site. In many ways, there’s just been too much to unpack in the last year and a half, my life has settled into a lull of boringness that comes with finding love and stability, and sometimes I’m just too tired or busy to actually set time aside for another chore. What’s sad about that, though, is that when you look back to what you have written in the past, you realize it’s a beautiful chronicle of your life and you’re currently missing out on the chance to record your thoughts and feelings on important milestones and events.

Covid- thankfully we’ve avoided getting it (famous last words…) We’ve managed to be respectful of quarantine, find new hobbies and still manage to work around it.

Work- I just wrapped up the school year teaching and yes it was crazy. I was wholeheartedly glad to be back teaching in person because from home truly sucked. I needed to be at school to help kids and thankfully we did everything possible to do it safely. I never want to repeat a year like this again though. Lol.

Love – I’m still madly in love with Captain. Things are wonderful. Over six years now and we’ve evolved into more than lust and excitement; it’s true companionship, friendship and just deep. I’m grateful he’s my partner in life. No plans to marry anytime soon. I’ve just not felt the rush to do so.

Ex- He just got married to a young woman (yes, 18 years younger than him of course lol) but she’s wonderful. I fully support it. She helps me and is great with my kids. I truly hope they last. I hope he’s better to her than he was to me. I want my kids to have stability on his side.

Me – The post divorce power and high wore off. I’ve kind of settled into a me that is a mix of pre-divorce and post-divorce… I’m not anxious and sad, I’m tough and independent, but I’m not as focused on myself as I used to be. I’ve gained weight back so it’s hard for me to reconcile that 25 lbs could creep back up over the years, but it has. Sigh. I don’t hate myself for it. But I’m not as confident and youthful as I felt 6 years ago! I suppose that is normal, lol! I’ve also now had to focus on a new type of parenting that has had to adapt to quarantine, preteen years and technology. I wish I had appreciated the previous years with my babies a bit more.

Hobbies- If I wasn’t a true nerd before, I’ve really amped it up now. Covid brought on an appreciation for nature I’d never felt before. We’ve grown a garden, planted a zillion plants and trees, and I go on walks to study and identify plants. Luckily, Captain is on the same plane as I am and we have found such great fun in it. So bike rides, walks, jogs and drives all end up with some sort of plant theme. It’s been wonderful to have slowed down enough to appreciate what’s around me. We also adopted a dog!! (A dachshund aka hot dog!) She is 3 years old and we’ve had her a year. She’s my little soulmate and is 100% meant to be my life.

Travel – Kind of still a bust at this point so my goal has been to continue to enjoy my bonding experience with my kids, family, and partner. We will be doing some cool domestic stuff (driving) so I look forward to that.

The 24/7 news cycle of negativity took a toll on me. I know it’s not all bad out there, but between Covid, what felt like the Twilight zone in the US last year, climate change/deterioration, and just so much conflict, I have tried to disconnect from the computer/phone. I think our brains can only handle so much. So I hope my online buds out there are doing well. I send you all lots of love. I am not here often but I always hold this community very dear to my heart. xo Athena

We planted this! 🍍

My girl 🐶

🚲 ☀️

Iceland Summer Travel

Captain and I went to Iceland for New Year’s this year and enjoyed a beautiful wintry landscape. We loved it so much that we decided to visit again this summer!

In January, we rented an SUV and drove counterclockwise from West Iceland to the southern coast, ending around Jökulsárlón.

This July, we set the loftier goal of touring the whole island by car. So we continued our counterclockwise agenda and left Reykjavík the moment we arrived.

Old turf house/storage

We nicknamed these areas “Troll Dunes”

Beautiful Icelandic horses at every turn

One of the many falls we came across

Little hidden waterfall in Skaftafell – Vatnajokull National Park

Svartifoss

Jokulsarlon Glacier Lagoon

It is possibly the most beautiful sight in all of Iceland 💙

Diamond Beach

East Iceland – random stop along our drive

Hverir – geothermal spot near Lake Mývatn

Fishing for brown trout at River Laxa

Charming guesthouse at Blönduos

Seal watching commonly done from Hvammstangi

Hólmavík

Western fjords

Wildflowers everywhere! Heydalur Country Guesthouse

Soaking in a hot pot is heavenly

Ended our trip in the lovely city of Reykjavík

We had an amazing time and loved every town we visited. Icelandic folks are kind and welcoming… and made of steel. I don’t know if there are tougher people around!

Eight days is ambitious to drive the whole country but since it was our second visit, we avoided some of the spots we’d visited already. If we return one day, I would love to take my time in the western fjords. So much to see and not enough time to do it all!

Many bloggers helped influence the decision to visit this magical country. So thank you for sharing your travel photos and stories! Feel free to share more Iceland recommendations and thoughts…

Bless, bless!

💙 Athena

Family Engagement

When you have kids from a previous marriage, dating is not often the easiest thing to maneuver. You come as a package deal… kids are still attached to the idea of you getting back with their father… different personalities… wariness of adults around your kids, etc. So when I met Captain, I made sure I took my time, looked left and right, and left and right again, checked for any dangers or blind spots, and then truly crossed the road. Four years later, I’m glad I did because this man is truly a blessing.

I could sit and list all his wonderful qualities but I think his approach in asking me for my hand in marriage shows the kind of man he is. 💖

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Upon arrival in Iceland, we took off for the town of Vík, where Captain had scheduled a horseback riding tour for us on Reynisfjara Beach. Knowing that this was one of my favorite spots from our last visit, he made this special place the background of his proposal. He expressed his love for me and shared beautiful observations and thoughts of my family and our life together. It was very humbling to hear his words and so satisfying to be able to echo the same love back.

But that’s not where he ended. He asked me to keep the engagement quiet until our return because he wanted to talk with my kids and involve them in what would be a second proposal.

So when we returned to Miami, I left to run some errands while he had a heart to heart with my kids. Captain shared how he adored them and wanted them to be part of his declaration of commitment and love to me. They came up with a crafty little scavenger hunt that I would find on my return.

Little cards with clues and messages were spread around the house leading me finally to my bedroom, in which a final card and my ring were displayed on my bed. My babies were dressed up, grinning from ear to ear, and waiting with champagne to toast to this moment. They showered me with kisses and affection, while Captain again repeated how he loved and wanted a life with us forever.

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There isn’t a single thing in this world that means more to me than my family. He gets it- and embraces it. Can you kinda see why I think he’s so marvelous? 💗

I’ve come such a ways since my divorce….

Love, Captain Athena

How you doin?

Been a minute since I’ve been on here.

How you doin?

I’m good! Finished another school year teaching rugrat 5th graders (that I love). I see myself becoming a better educator and feel proud to have the relationship I do with those kids. 💗

My own kids are getting big! 7&10! Yikes! We are having a fun summer spending lots of quality time and doing fun rambunctious things.

I’m still co-parenting fairly well with my ex, Grayheart. Hiccups along the way, of course, but I’d give it a ratio of 90/10 in terms of the ratio of our positive to negative interactions. I marvel at how little I actually think about my marriage to him. Almost 5 years later and I don’t remember the details I used to. He’s dating a woman that will soon be moving to Miami with her two kids… in with him. She’s nice. I wish them well. I hope he does her better. But I know who he is. And chances are he’ll screw over another nice woman. Oh well.

As for me, I am still in a wonderfully committed relationship with Captain. We continue to drive the hour regularly between Miami and the Keys to see each other. I continue to count my blessings because he is an excellent man and partner.

We have a busy summer planned… Captain and I are going to Iceland, then I’ll be traveling to Nashville for my sister’s bachelorette party (millennials, sigh),  then taking my kids to see my brother in a California, and finally doing a lovely beach holiday weekend with my closest girlfriends. Just writing it down intimidates me! But it’s not a bad problem to have. 😉

Would love to hear how my friends in the blogosphere are. Sending you all lots of cariño.

xo Athena

Marriage after Divorce?

I’ve been with Captain for 3.5 years and have experienced nothing but the best of the best in my relationship. This man has nursed my emotional wounds, treats me like a queen, and loves me down to my soul. Add to it all that he is fantastic with my children, is crazy handsome, and a hard working man… well, I’ve hit the love lottery. I have never been so fulfilled and emotionally complete in my life.

So it’s natural that we discuss marriage and our future together. I only see a future with him. I would love to call him my husband and live a long, beautiful life with him. And he is very much on the same page.

But I do not want to move an hour away to the Keys where there is absolutely nothing to do but drink and go boating. Fabulous if you’re on vacation, dull and slow for a full time experience. I cannot picture raising my children there. I enjoy the network I have here in Miami. My job, my family, my friends, my things… If I was single without kids, I’d just move and suck it up.

The other obvious option is that Captain could move to Miami and just do the hour commute each morning for work. Except it’s draining. He fishes for a living. And getting up at 4 am to get back that way in time to gear up and meet his clients… not very sustainable. It’s not that it’s impossible, but we’ve done it many times over and it’s very challenging. I can’t imagine he would be able to do it full time without wearing himself out. (And just to be clear, the distance is close to 60 miles. It’s not the “hour” that’s the issue, it’s the traffic depending on the time of day that makes an hour anything from 1-3 hours depending which direction you’re heading and time of day. And luck, of course.)

Captain says I talk about marriage and seem all excited but when he starts to get ready to pull the trigger, I give him the big block. I’m not ready yet. (He’s never proposed but I guess I’m inconsistent in how I approach the marriage thing.)

I think I hesitate because our marriage would be “unconventional.” It would be two households, sharing time, going back and forth, etc. We’d be 100% committed and probably do a great job at keeping it exciting and happy because we’d never get tired of each other. (He thinks it’s the perfect setup!) I worry that I would eventually become resentful of having to “rough” it a good bit of the time on my own, even though I wouldn’t be alone. If I was just plain alone, there’s no one to be annoyed with that I had to on my own manage a dinosaur-sized iguana found entwined in the soccer net of my backyard as the maggots and other neighborhood scavengers picked at his dead body. (Yes, true story.)

I’d prefer a more traditional set up. And I know he would, too. But that’s not an option right now for me. So maybe now is not the time? There certainly is no rush.

I know every other aspect of being with him would be perfect. I trust and believe in him… in us. I love him and know we will figure it out, but I’m also at a point in my life that I know Love is not always enough when it comes to marriage.

It would be nice to hear if anyone has experience with or knows of any successful untraditional marriages.

❤️ Athena

Southern Livin’

Captain and I road tripped through the South last week and had such a lovely time! We got our fill of good eats and just truly enjoyed the quality time (sans kids). My man’s been working like crazy so it was nice to see him not exhausted from the physical labor of his job (fishing in 100F weather).

So we left Miami and headed to our first stop…St Augustine, FL:

Then, we hit Beaufort, SC:

Next stop was Charleston, SC:

And our grand finale was Savannah, GA:

Loved, loved, loved every moment of it! I’m still dreaming about the food…

Your biscuit-and-fried-chicken-loving friend,

Athena xo

Too Quiet?

My kids have been on vacation with their father in the northeast for a week and there’s one week left to go. I’ve had a hard time being without them. You’d think I’d be thrilled and make the most of my alone time and appreciate the quiet, right? Ugh. Kinda.

I have enjoyed spending the week in the Keys with Captain. Snorkeling, biking, walking, reading, etc. Alone time with him. We rarely get uninterrupted time so it’s been fantastic. But holy hell is it a quiet life without kids! Too quiet.

I have the summer off and spend loads of time with the kids. So having them gone for so long is rough. And not just because I enjoy them but also because I am neurotic and worry endlessly about their safety while they’re gone. I hate to even put it into words but I have nightmares about kidnappings, trafficking, drownings, car accidents, etc. I try to keep it under control and not be crazy… but man. I’m crazy.

I am not crazy enough to not recognize that I’m lucky they have a father that’s involved. His new girlfriend is with them and she’s been fantastic keeping watch and updating me about them. And at 6 and 9 years old, my kids are very fortunate to visit New England and family all along the northeast US. All good stuff.

So I’m just having a moment. One of those self pitying moments where I hate what comes with divorce with young kids.

On another note, I have realized that I need (A) some other teacher friends that are chilling this summer or (B) unemployed and adventurous wealthy friends, to hang with while Captain is out working. Day drinking is no fun alone. (I kid. Kinda. But, seriously, any volunteers?! 😜)

On a positive note, Captain and I will take a road trip tomorrow! We’re going to drive up to Charleston with several stops along the way. Lots of good eats! I’m currently working on my southern drawl. Saying “reckon” just doesn’t sound right yet with my Miami accent. I’ll get it!

xo

Athena

Oh, who are the people in your neighborhood?

Growing up, we watched Sesame Street. There was a song that went something like:

Oh, who are the people in your neighborhood?

In your neighborhood?

In your neighborhood?

Say, who are the people in your neighborhood?

The people that you meet each day.

Nowhere there do I see that your ex-husband should be the people in your neighborhood. 😑

I nearly had a heart attack when my 9 year old daughter mentioned something about Daddy checking out a house for sale in the next cul-de-sac. They toured an open house on my block!!

Made me sick to my stomach. Want to throw up, queasy, oh hell no, kind of sick.

Sometimes I ask myself how it can be fair that you can still have to see someone you cannot stand on such a frequent basis? If Grayheart could just consistently be nice or normal (or just consistent) then I wouldn’t have to want to punch him in his smug face so often.

Don’t exes want to avoid each other? I don’t want to see him more often than I have to! No one loves their kids enough to want to move 5 houses away. Just leave me alone, dude.

So I asked him about it. Claims they stopped by on a whim just for fun while they happened to drive by. That there’s no way he could even afford a house in the neighborhood. I’m calling bullshit. He can’t afford it is right. But that it was a chance thing? Nope. I think he’s just trying to mind-f*ck me. Make me crazy.

And it’s almost working. Almost.

Happy Divorce Anniversary to Me

I completely missed that a little over a year ago I officially divorced from Grayheart. So happy anniversary to me for that milestone!

It’s been over 3 and a half years since we separated. And as I reflect, I’ve noticed a few things.

1. I no longer have the “need” or even desire to understand what went wrong. I no longer dissect it or try to make sense of it. He is a selfish man, I married the wrong person, and I now know better.
2. I’ve learned from my mistakes. I think I was still a good wife but there are many things I could have done better. I am a better partner now. I appreciate things that truly matter. Little things count.
3. Nothing lasts forever and there’s a sort of comfort you have the first time around that leaves you after a divorce. You no longer sit comfortably thinking you can’t be dethroned. Someone can vow to love you forever but they won’t stick around if you’re no longer lovable. Anyone can be replaced. Sounds negative but I feel like it’s just a more realistic point of view. And it pretty much applies to all in life.
4. I’m fiercer and less willing to put up with anything I think is beneath me. I refuse to fall into old patterns in relationships.
5. My bond with my kids is even stronger than I thought possible. I grateful for every moment with them since I now see them less than I would have if I’d had an intact household.
6. It’s not fair but I have to put in more effort than my ex does when it comes to the kids. I do more and that’s just the way it is. It’s draining at times but whining that life isn’t fair just doesn’t help.
7. The things that drove me crazy about my ex still annoy the hell out of me. But I don’t have to deal with him in my face every day. I’m free from his darkness.
8. I no longer feel like I need to be connected somehow to Grayheart. We are not really friends. We are family, I guess? It’s reminiscent of an annoying cousin you care for and would be there for if they need you, but you don’t really talk to often. Every now and then he and I have a good quality conversation, especially about the kids. But I prefer not to be around him.
9. His life has not drastically improved since we parted. He’s in debt. His weight has fluctuated. He’s changed jobs. He’s no longer friends with the “divorce is awesome” crew that encouraged the single life. He is no longer with Raggedy (she moved to Maryland). He has the kids to truly be proud of but that’s because I take care of everything. He’s screwed up everything around him.
10. I have moments of frustration and sadness for my children but I haven’t cried about my divorce since the day it was officially confirmed. I think I poured out everything left at that moment. There is magic that happens within the 2 to 3 year mark. You really do heal. If you do it the right way. I faced it, received wonderful counseling, and managed to co-parent well through the worst of it. And somewhere along the way, I found a magnificent man as a partner.

So happy anniversary to me. I won’t “celebrate” it because I no longer define myself by it. It’s old news and I’m too busy moving straight ahead! I wish those of you going through a divorce a ton of strength and faith through the process. It does get better.

xo Athena

Florida Strong

Spoiler: We survived Irma here in Miami. 🙂

It’s been quite a week of preparation, impact, and recuperation. My State, city, town, local businesses, family, friends, and neighbors did a marvelous job keeping things in order. I’m sure there are gaps everywhere but I’m shocked with how orderly things went. 

Before the storm, we rushed to get gas (which everyone managed to find, even if an hour or longer wait), had food, filled up with water, gave advice, protected our homes and that of loved ones, and braced ourselves for the Big One. 

And then we waited for Irma to arrive… and nearly ate all our damn hurricane food prior to her arrival. (Side note, just about everything non-perishable is unhealthy or can be easily consumed in mass quantities. Yes, I’m talking Nutella and gummy snacks.)

Then, the storm did all sorts of tricks and confused every meteorologist and person tracking it. Miami avoided direct impact but the Florida Keys were hit hard. Captain, my boyfriend, lives in the Keys but hunkered down with us. He stored his boat further north as he wanted to make sure it was protected since that’s his livelihood. No boat = no dinero. 

We were hit with major wind and rain. In some ways, it was beautiful to watch. It was scary to hear the wind howling and sad to see our trees ripped out of the ground but something about the sheer strength of nature and watching the grass and trees blow was fascinating. 

We built Legos, played cards and games, ate, talked by candlelight, tried contacting loved ones, took a few brave steps outside during the storm, ate some more, napped, and practiced patience. It’s the most still any of us have been in quite some time.

My children are not used to living without electricity. It was an incredible wake up call for them to function without light or AC. We were conservative with water and plumbing use, and had to be creative with ways we entertained ourselves. (They’re not complete brats; you do start to get serious cabin fever locked in your house for days.)

Once the storm was over and we assessed our damage (which luckily was little), it was great to walk our area and talk with neighbors. We told stories, even compared to our experience with Hurricane Andrew, shared tools, helped each other clean up, and were just very grateful for coming out of this relatively unscathed. 

My ex, Grayheart, was very supportive and helpful with the kids and sharing time with them. He popped by a few (too many) times but I could tell he was very lonely. Makes me feel bad for him at times. 

I took the kids yesterday for a “safari” drive around town to go check on family. We pointed out damage to familiar places and took a few pictures. It was humbling.

We are incredibly lucky. The Keys were hit bad and people are missing. Naples and much of the west coast here is flooded. Over 6 million people in FL without power. Georgia and South Carolina are getting hit now. Much of Cuba is destroyed because it took the direct impact meant for us. Barbuda uninhabitable. The beautiful BVI ripped up with few ways to communicate with the rest of the world. It could have been bad for us. I’m very aware and am using that knowledge to make my kids aware and responsible for helping our community and others impacted by this. 

We appreciate all the love and volunteer efforts sent to us from around the country and world. We will pay it forward. ❤️

Captain was finally allowed access to the Keys this morning. I am waiting to hear what’s left of his place. Crossing fingers for not-so-bad news!

I’m sorry for the lengthy post… just started blabbing on. 🙂

Sending everyone much love. xo

Athena