Marriage after Divorce?

I’ve been with Captain for 3.5 years and have experienced nothing but the best of the best in my relationship. This man has nursed my emotional wounds, treats me like a queen, and loves me down to my soul. Add to it all that he is fantastic with my children, is crazy handsome, and a hard working man… well, I’ve hit the love lottery. I have never been so fulfilled and emotionally complete in my life.

So it’s natural that we discuss marriage and our future together. I only see a future with him. I would love to call him my husband and live a long, beautiful life with him. And he is very much on the same page.

But I do not want to move an hour away to the Keys where there is absolutely nothing to do but drink and go boating. Fabulous if you’re on vacation, dull and slow for a full time experience. I cannot picture raising my children there. I enjoy the network I have here in Miami. My job, my family, my friends, my things… If I was single without kids, I’d just move and suck it up.

The other obvious option is that Captain could move to Miami and just do the hour commute each morning for work. Except it’s draining. He fishes for a living. And getting up at 4 am to get back that way in time to gear up and meet his clients… not very sustainable. It’s not that it’s impossible, but we’ve done it many times over and it’s very challenging. I can’t imagine he would be able to do it full time without wearing himself out. (And just to be clear, the distance is close to 60 miles. It’s not the “hour” that’s the issue, it’s the traffic depending on the time of day that makes an hour anything from 1-3 hours depending which direction you’re heading and time of day. And luck, of course.)

Captain says I talk about marriage and seem all excited but when he starts to get ready to pull the trigger, I give him the big block. I’m not ready yet. (He’s never proposed but I guess I’m inconsistent in how I approach the marriage thing.)

I think I hesitate because our marriage would be “unconventional.” It would be two households, sharing time, going back and forth, etc. We’d be 100% committed and probably do a great job at keeping it exciting and happy because we’d never get tired of each other. (He thinks it’s the perfect setup!) I worry that I would eventually become resentful of having to “rough” it a good bit of the time on my own, even though I wouldn’t be alone. If I was just plain alone, there’s no one to be annoyed with that I had to on my own manage a dinosaur-sized iguana found entwined in the soccer net of my backyard as the maggots and other neighborhood scavengers picked at his dead body. (Yes, true story.)

I’d prefer a more traditional set up. And I know he would, too. But that’s not an option right now for me. So maybe now is not the time? There certainly is no rush.

I know every other aspect of being with him would be perfect. I trust and believe in him… in us. I love him and know we will figure it out, but I’m also at a point in my life that I know Love is not always enough when it comes to marriage.

It would be nice to hear if anyone has experience with or knows of any successful untraditional marriages.

❤️ Athena

Online Dating… Normal(ish) Guys

I’ve joked quite a bit about some of the funny things I’ve seen while on Match.  But there have been a few guys I’ve allowed to get to door number 2.

Julius – Nice guy. Teacher.  Normal looking. Smart.  In his early 40s.  Divorced with no kids.  He’s looking for a real girlfriend.  I talk to him since he seems like a sincere guy.  I’ll eventually grab drinks with him but I’m not there yet.  Just not interested enough to take it there.  Though he’s very eager to meet.

Arizona –  Cute.  Mid-Thirties.  Cocky.  Never been married and no kids.  So this guy is heavy on the compliments but pretty much let me know that since I don’t have a lot of time to date, I needed a lover.  Him, of course.  Proceeded to send me a bathroom selfie of him with his towel waaay low.  I haven’t really followed back up with him but I do get several “hey sexy” text messages.  I haven’t totally written him off because if I can’t handle my 2015 year of celibacy, I have a decent contender for the job.

FireFighter – Super hot guy!  40.  Divorced with kids.  He lives about 45 minutes away and is tall, dark and handsome… Although I’d take him for me in a minute, I have a gorgeous single friend that lives in his same city and she’d look perfect with him!  He seemed nice so… I sent him today her picture in hopes I could hook them up! LOL!  Yes, I’m now playing matchmaker on a matchmaking service.

And here’s the one I’m actually excited about…

Captain – Handsome, laid back and cool. Owns charter fishing business.  Late 30s.  Divorced with no kids. He lives in the Keys so he’s about an hour away from where I am.  I’ve really enjoyed talking to him!  He’s been respectful, fun, funny and eager to meet.  So I’m going on my first Match date!  Shoot, first date altogether!

We are set to meet up this evening.  Drinks and then possibly dinner if all goes well.  Crossing my fingers it’s fun!  I am soooo looking forward to my first date since being dumped by my own husband.  I’ll keep y’all posted!  Wish me luck!

Online Dating – Three Weeks into it!

I’ve been on Match now three weeks.  Three weeks almost feels like an eternity.  I feel as if I’ve seen all the available “Match” men in South Florida.  So what initially was a tool for potential dates is now a form of entertainment for me and my girlfriends (and my blogging buds!).  Here’s what I’ve learned up to this point:

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– I can’t keep track of these guys. It’s not because I’m sooo popular (I promise, I’m not humblebragging); it’s that you see a picture of a person and may read their profile and then there’s a hundred other guys with similar things on their profile or a similar look. Some just don’t stand out and if you have a terrible memory like I do, fuggedaboutit!  A spreadsheet like my friend, Oh2bhuman, recommended is not a bad idea at all..

– I’ve been approached by a few guys that live out of the area.  Seems like they want a booty call when they come in to Miami.  Not a bad idea on their part.  I was just surprised by the concept of people from GA, NY or TX messaging me even though I live in Miami.

– I’ve now pissed off a few people.  One guy so kindly wrote me after he didn’t get a reply to one of his messages:

“The decisions we make are true reflections of who we are inside…thank you for passing judgment on me before knowing who I am.” (Seriously, dude, get your passive aggressive ass steppin!)

– Some guys actually message you multiple times with the SAME message.  Over and over and over again.  I can’t figure out this tactic.  Is it they forget they’ve messaged you?  Are they purposely being annoying?  Do they think I’m dumb?  One guy has sent me this message 4 times within the last three weeks!

“Hi. Cinderella has nothing on you. Hope the slipper fits. Talk to you soon.”  (No, homie, you will not be talking to me soon.  You have no game, lame lines and are already annoying?  Nope, nope, nope.)

– There are poets on Match!  Or maybe this one is a life coach and a poet?  Either way, another dude that sent 4 messages within 24 hrs!

“Life is to be shared with someone YOU hold precious.  Therefore — in short, I believe life is an acronym meaning:  Love Inside Fully Expressed.  So, please, start (your life) everyday by expressively showing the love you deserve – then if desired; that [someone] will come.  Remember — dont’ forget to SMILE… you wear it well. (Crickets.  I can soooo hear my bud, Skipah, warning me to run fast!)

– Finally, a Public Service Announcement To All Men On Match!

If your profile picture has:

* You in sunglasses = You have something to hide and must therefore not be cute. (Hats can fall into this category as well.)
*You looking half asleep = I know you don’t have any friends.
*You with a bunch of sexy women around you = I know that you try too hard and are lame.
*No profile pic = You must be married or in a relationship.  Not wasting my time with you, buh-bye!
*You in a bunch of bathroom selfies half naked = You’d likely send me a dick pic soon after interacting so… no thanks, douchebag.  Save it for Twitter’s #EggplantFriday if you want that kind of attention.

I don’t know if it’s because I have a weird sense of humor but online dating has been a hoot!   I’ll do a follow up post soon about the normal guys I’ve actually met on here.  These are so much more fun, though!  😉

I got Catfished!

Online dating should be pretty easy and straightforward, right?  It’s become so popular that there’s a lot of “normal” people on there… or so I thought!

I was messaged by this incredibly handsome and fit guy named Mike.  I nicknamed him “Magic Mike” as you can see why.

Yummy!  Nice smile, totally buff, seems nice…so he asks me for my phone number… says he’s moving from NY to Miami and has been trying to get to know people before his move.  I’m like “YESSSSS! How the hell did I get so lucky?!  Too good to be true!”  (Yep, that’s right, little voice of reason.)  

So after a day or two of texting, which involved heavy flirting and the delicious sense that I was gonna get me some of those rippling abs in the very near future – I started feeling that something was “off.”  (Grrr!)

First, his grammar was awful. (I associated this with the lack of brains due to his beauty.  You cannot be gifted on both sides!)  Then, while he claimed was all open to talking on the phone or FaceTiming, he would disappear or give an excuse when I asked to do so. And, finally, he was vague when answering questions on his plans for Miami upon arrival.  Seemed strange that someone making such a move would be so disorganized about the whole thing.

We’d chat about taking pictures/selfies and he sent me this picture.

He said he was working out one evening and so he sent this picture.  (Shit!  His abs have abs!)

While I planned my future escapades with this fine specimen, I was doing my internet research. I checked online for the logo of the gym he was at. Couldn’t find anything in New York.  I searched his phone number. Nada.  I started to do the reverse image search but couldn’t get it to work on my cell phone.  So after boasting about Magic Mike’s beauty to my inner circle of family and friends… my brother calls me laughing hysterically!  His boyfriend actually follows this guy on Instagram! Yep!  Magic Mike is actually Mike Thurston, fitness trainer/Insta model in LONDON!  (Check him out on FB: https://www.facebook.com/mikethurstonofficial or Instagram: http://instagram.com/mikethurston)

I was communicating with an imposter that was using this man’s images!  Thank goodness luck was on my side and my brother in law knew who this guy was!  Now it was time for me to flip the script on the Catfisher!  Catfishee became the catfisher!

What did I do?  Over the next few days I kept flirting with him and started getting really really needy.  Like, weird needy.  Then I started asking him for money.  Saying I was a single mom that needed the help.  He was freaking out!  Finally, I told him that I needed the money for my “final surgery” because I was in the midst of transitioning from a man to a woman.

(*Disclaimer: I have no problems with transgendered community but I knew it’d freak him out.)

I told him that the pics I posted from Match were of a friend of mine and that I hoped he’d forgive me for the lie.  He responded with “Ahhh! I am NOT interested, bye.  Thanks for posting fake pictures of yourself.”  Dude had the nerve to get pissy for faking him out! LOL!  My final message to him (before I finally blocked him) was a screen shot of Mike Thurston’s facebook page.  I told him that if I was ever in London, I’d be sure to look him up!  (I wanted him to know I was on to his game.)

With a bit more research, we traced the phone number to some loser that lives in Kissimmee, FL with a last name of Patel.  Very far off from Mr. Thurston.  There’s an address associated with this guy so I’m going to send him a very special gift…Glitter!

For those of you that haven’t seen “Ship Your Enemies Glitter“, check it out!  It’s soooo worth the $10! 

Moral of the story?  Trust your gut instinct.  If it’s too good to be true, it usually is!  And research the heck out of anyone you meet (online or in person).  And if you get catfished, don’t be a victim!  Fire back anyway you can!  I ended up having such a laugh with this experience!

And at least Mike Thurston has a new follower on social media!  Maybe a few after this post! 😉

Online Dating – One Week Down

I have not yet been insulted, kidnapped, killed or bestowed some sort of computer virus in the last week of online dating. (Real concerns of mine as I monitored my Match profile from my phone app. Not reasonable considering I haven’t met anyone in person but you never know what kind of NSA spying skills these dudes may have.)

I subscribed to the service where you get a fake phone number through the service so you don’t have to give out your real number. $3.33 per month. Let me just say that it’s been a complete waste of money because I could not figure out how the heck to use it!

I’ve not gone on any dates yet but I’ve communicated with a few guys that seem pretty nice so far.  Let’s see who my first will be…

Here’s what I’ve learned of the process so far:

• You probably give others more of a chance than you would in person because you don’t have a “vibe” from them yet.  I’ve chatted with folks I probably wouldn’t give the time of day to in real life but since the pool of overly attractive interesting people is slim, you give some dubious ones a shot at some online convo.
• Catfishing is real!!  I will do a follow up post soon about it but I got catfished!  (The story is hilarious!)  I’m no dummy and have great luck on my side so I wasn’t a victim but you must do your research beforehand! And go with your gut!
• Screenshot/take a picture of someone you think is interesting (photo/bio) so that you don’t have to keep going to their profile.  Match shows you who has “viewed” you so if you view someone frequently you’ll look like a stalker!
• Pictures are everything!
• Messages with just “hi” or “how are you” get no response or the exact same response back. (B-O-R-I-N-G!)
• I finally ignore the guys I’m not interested in.  A good friend described it as taking in stray cats.  Once you do, you can’t get rid of them.  It’s a good analogy so as rude as it may seem… I am not responding to people I’m not interested in.
• You will inevitably come across people you know.  SO awkward!  I was viewed by a guy I went to high school with (cringe), messaged by a guy that one of my best friends dated (I called him out on that!) and then “randomly matched” with a guy I used to work with (no!)…

Here are a few more gems for shits and giggles!

– The Chuck Woollery of Match.com:
“Okay, let’s say it’s gonna be a chill “Netflix” night… What movie are we going to watch and what should I order for takeout – Thai, Chinese, or ___?”  (This is already after two questions on what my ideal vacation and getaway would be!  Wth? Is this the Love Connection?!  I almost responded we’d be back in two in two! lol! But I followed my new rule of no replies to the rejects.)

– This guy’s got jokes:
“Hey there miss Athena, hope you and your kids had a wonderful day…. What did the knife say to the potato? lol”  (Poor guy has resorted to lame jokes to stand out? smh…)

– This guy got a reply because he’s the first to make me laugh out loud (which I now regret because he’s a damn stray and doesn’t stop messaging me!):
“Hello Athena,
This is the first time I have ever written a Goddess. And while I am comforted by the idea that as the Goddess of Wisdom, you will be able to discern my intellect, sense of humor and ability to carry on an entertaining conversation, I also realize you are the Goddess of War and I must tread carefully, lol.
Hope you are having an excellent week. It was my pleasure to have you show up in my daily matches. You have a captivating and energetic smile and look like someone who would be a lot of fun to hang out with and have a lot of laughs.
So, since you like to read, my ridiculously long profile shouldn’t scare you. And if anything I wrote makes you chuckle or makes me stand out from the ocean of posers on this site, I would love it if we could converse some more.
I pray to Zeus’ blessed forehead that you would feel the same.  Let me know if sacrificing a small goat in your name would help.  Have a great day beautiful goddess and protector of Athens!”

– My first online proposal
“My name is J. will you marry me?? ;)”

– And finally… my own street pharmacist

“If you were a drug? I would overdose!”

This is why I think online dating is hilarious and quite fun!

Tonight I go out for my regular Friday Night Fun and real human interaction!  I’ll be sure to update y’all on it later!  Oh!  And I still owe you guys my Catfisher story… lol… never boring!

Today’s Mantra:  Today I will let loose. I’m going to approach someone I think is cute… maybe.  (Trying to go out of my comfort zone.)

24 Hours of Online Dating

Let me start by saying that I finally caved and got an account with Match.

In the 24 hours I’ve been on it, I’ve actually had fun! It is an incredible boost to the ego. And there are some of the funniest and dorkiest pick up lines ever. I wonder what I’ll be saying about it in a week or month? (I hope cheeseball lines aren’t contagious! Call me out if so!)

I’ve seen a handful of cute guys. They seem to have nice bios and pictures. I’m conversing with a few and so far so good.

I’m also in conversations with 17 different men. What does that mean? Means I am rtoo damn nice and feel terrible rejecting people who make an effort to reach out to me. I need to get over that real quick!

And me? I “winked” at one guy. And he lives in Michigan! Why? Because I’m a wimp and figured there’s no harm in someone out of state not responding, if they don’t respond. (He did respond, btw. And he gave me my favorite compliment so far… Calling me his dark haired beauty. Lol!)

I will share some of the cheesy comments I’ve gotten. (What fun is this experience if you can’t laugh with me?!)

Mr. Confident
– “Hi beautiful! Seems like your all about taking chances. Why don’t you hit me back up so I can be that one chance that’s guaranteed to work out your way”. (Um, no.)

Mr. Trying too hard while trying to show off how cultural he is
– “I lived in italy for three years and they would say to you, tu se belissima, molto molto molto belissima (italian) and that is the highest compliment you can express to a female in the italian language, you are absolutely beautiful and astonishing” (Riiight)

Mr. Spiritual that works HARD on his lines
– “How was your day today? Anything extra odinary thing happened today? You know, besides cars piling up on top of each other because men were distracted by that beautiful smile of yours. I know I would be. I didn’t know angels from Heaven flew so low.” (I actually laughed out loud at this. Who actually says this crap in real life?!)

There have been good ones as well. I won’t bore you with those because they’re nice and simple. Just complimenting me on my appearance and asking how I’m doing, etc. I’ll be honest, though, it’s awkward trying to come up with something clever and nice and not boring when trying to spark up an online conversation with someone. I have not engaged anyone yet – cause I’m a wimp and I’m old fashioned meaning the guy pursues the girl – but I can appreciate a nice guy that puts himself out there with the potential for no response. Maybe after some time on it, I’ll venture into doing the same and just not care if I get rejected or not. (It’s not a vanity thing, I swear. It’s the way I was raised coupled with my own insecurities!)

Anyway, I’ve gotten a few phone numbers but am not ready to give mine out yet. I am noticing a pattern. The older the guy (mid to late 40s+), the more likely he is to want to talk rather than email/text. The younger, the more comfortable they are with the messaging aspect of it. Also, lots of interest in my nationality. And lots more attention the more photos you have up. Again, that’s just what I’m noticing in my short time here. It’ll be interesting to see how it progresses into actual in person dates. I’ll continue my observations and keep you guys updated!

Happy Hump Day!

Today’s Mantra: Plenty of fish in the sea! Enjoy it!

❤️

Online Dating

Yikes.  I am actually admitting that I’m going to try online dating.

I was one of those people who swore that I would never date anyone online.  That it was for older folks that didn’t have opportunities to go out and meet others at bars, etc.  Or for those that were lame and socially impaired.  Fast forward thirteen years… I’m that lame person.  (Dating has changed SO much since I last was single!)  But I’m now finding that online dating is now very socially acceptable but it’s also very convenient!

I am not looking for love online.  I do not want a relationship.  I’m too damaged at this point and my life is too complicated.  But I’m looking for superficial distractions.  People to make me feel attractive and wanted.  (I’m actually pretty embarrassed to admit this.)  It’d be nice to go out on some casual dates and get to know some new people.

This is where I now reach out to you all and sincerely would like to know if you have any experience online dating.  I’d love tips, suggestions… anything you’d like to share.  Is a Match profile worth the monthly fee?  (I really didn’t find anyone I was “wow” over while I was looking.)  Tinder?  (I’m a bit worried about meeting creepazoids.)  Any other sites you like?

Thanks for helping a sista out! 😉

Today’s Mantra:  Open yourself to new things.  And work on those selfies!