First Date Things to Do List

First date tonight with Captain from Match!

The smile on my face today extends from ear to ear! And I haven’t even met the guy yet! It is just so exciting since I haven’t gone on a date with anyone but Grayheart in over a decade!

Here’s the thing, I’m not nervous that it won’t go well. I am a people person. I love getting to know new people. I am confident that my personality tends to win people over. I can work with the most difficult of characters. I don’t mean this in a conceited way… I just think people are my “thing.” Even if I don’t like Captain or he doesn’t like me, just the fun of getting ready and getting to meet a new friend is enough for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I am hopeful that we have a good connection and he likes me so it’s time to bring out my A game! I gotta pull out the Miami swag, Cuban flair and female wiles I was born with!

Look at all the crap I have to do! Beyoncé may have woken up “Flawless” but I sure as hell didn’t! My to do list:

– Get my hair blow dried. Done!
– Mani/pedi (In process!)
– Fix my eyebrows
– Get my car cleaned because it looks like my kids use the car seats as plates (for the record, we are meeting there but just in case he walks me to my car, I DO NOT want him to run away in fear of Hurricane Andrew Part II).
– Exfoliate my skin
– Shave my legs
– Lotion up so I’m not ashy (dry skin sucks!)
– Obsess over every imperfection, line, extraneous hair… $&@#%!
– Make sure my outfit is on point… Just enough boobage, tight skinny jeans, HIGH heels… (Thank God for push up bras, I’d just like to say here.)
– Make-up needs to say sexy but not overdone.
– Jewelry … Can’t look like a gypsy. Sometimes we overdo it with hoops and bangles…
– Smell like a million bucks!
– Pack my purse (gum, makeup, mase, money, keys, ID, extra deodorant, wipes, perfume, lotion, floss, toothbrush/paste… I know, I know, I’m overdoing it but you never be too prepared?)
– Leave the house with the confidence of Beyoncé!

Whew! I’m exhausted just reciting it!

Key here: Make it look like it was an effortless appearance! (Yes, men… I know, we women are such liars.)

I will walk up to him like I am comfortable in my own skin and “woke up like this… Flawless!”

Unless he stands me up. LOL!

If that happens, I’ll continue my Friday Night Fun tradition of going to that bar I usually go to with my friend, Jazz!

Wish me luck! (And let me know if I missed anything!)

Xoxo

Online Dating… Normal(ish) Guys

I’ve joked quite a bit about some of the funny things I’ve seen while on Match.  But there have been a few guys I’ve allowed to get to door number 2.

Julius – Nice guy. Teacher.  Normal looking. Smart.  In his early 40s.  Divorced with no kids.  He’s looking for a real girlfriend.  I talk to him since he seems like a sincere guy.  I’ll eventually grab drinks with him but I’m not there yet.  Just not interested enough to take it there.  Though he’s very eager to meet.

Arizona –  Cute.  Mid-Thirties.  Cocky.  Never been married and no kids.  So this guy is heavy on the compliments but pretty much let me know that since I don’t have a lot of time to date, I needed a lover.  Him, of course.  Proceeded to send me a bathroom selfie of him with his towel waaay low.  I haven’t really followed back up with him but I do get several “hey sexy” text messages.  I haven’t totally written him off because if I can’t handle my 2015 year of celibacy, I have a decent contender for the job.

FireFighter – Super hot guy!  40.  Divorced with kids.  He lives about 45 minutes away and is tall, dark and handsome… Although I’d take him for me in a minute, I have a gorgeous single friend that lives in his same city and she’d look perfect with him!  He seemed nice so… I sent him today her picture in hopes I could hook them up! LOL!  Yes, I’m now playing matchmaker on a matchmaking service.

And here’s the one I’m actually excited about…

Captain – Handsome, laid back and cool. Owns charter fishing business.  Late 30s.  Divorced with no kids. He lives in the Keys so he’s about an hour away from where I am.  I’ve really enjoyed talking to him!  He’s been respectful, fun, funny and eager to meet.  So I’m going on my first Match date!  Shoot, first date altogether!

We are set to meet up this evening.  Drinks and then possibly dinner if all goes well.  Crossing my fingers it’s fun!  I am soooo looking forward to my first date since being dumped by my own husband.  I’ll keep y’all posted!  Wish me luck!

Online Dating – Three Weeks into it!

I’ve been on Match now three weeks.  Three weeks almost feels like an eternity.  I feel as if I’ve seen all the available “Match” men in South Florida.  So what initially was a tool for potential dates is now a form of entertainment for me and my girlfriends (and my blogging buds!).  Here’s what I’ve learned up to this point:

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– I can’t keep track of these guys. It’s not because I’m sooo popular (I promise, I’m not humblebragging); it’s that you see a picture of a person and may read their profile and then there’s a hundred other guys with similar things on their profile or a similar look. Some just don’t stand out and if you have a terrible memory like I do, fuggedaboutit!  A spreadsheet like my friend, Oh2bhuman, recommended is not a bad idea at all..

– I’ve been approached by a few guys that live out of the area.  Seems like they want a booty call when they come in to Miami.  Not a bad idea on their part.  I was just surprised by the concept of people from GA, NY or TX messaging me even though I live in Miami.

– I’ve now pissed off a few people.  One guy so kindly wrote me after he didn’t get a reply to one of his messages:

“The decisions we make are true reflections of who we are inside…thank you for passing judgment on me before knowing who I am.” (Seriously, dude, get your passive aggressive ass steppin!)

– Some guys actually message you multiple times with the SAME message.  Over and over and over again.  I can’t figure out this tactic.  Is it they forget they’ve messaged you?  Are they purposely being annoying?  Do they think I’m dumb?  One guy has sent me this message 4 times within the last three weeks!

“Hi. Cinderella has nothing on you. Hope the slipper fits. Talk to you soon.”  (No, homie, you will not be talking to me soon.  You have no game, lame lines and are already annoying?  Nope, nope, nope.)

– There are poets on Match!  Or maybe this one is a life coach and a poet?  Either way, another dude that sent 4 messages within 24 hrs!

“Life is to be shared with someone YOU hold precious.  Therefore — in short, I believe life is an acronym meaning:  Love Inside Fully Expressed.  So, please, start (your life) everyday by expressively showing the love you deserve – then if desired; that [someone] will come.  Remember — dont’ forget to SMILE… you wear it well. (Crickets.  I can soooo hear my bud, Skipah, warning me to run fast!)

– Finally, a Public Service Announcement To All Men On Match!

If your profile picture has:

* You in sunglasses = You have something to hide and must therefore not be cute. (Hats can fall into this category as well.)
*You looking half asleep = I know you don’t have any friends.
*You with a bunch of sexy women around you = I know that you try too hard and are lame.
*No profile pic = You must be married or in a relationship.  Not wasting my time with you, buh-bye!
*You in a bunch of bathroom selfies half naked = You’d likely send me a dick pic soon after interacting so… no thanks, douchebag.  Save it for Twitter’s #EggplantFriday if you want that kind of attention.

I don’t know if it’s because I have a weird sense of humor but online dating has been a hoot!   I’ll do a follow up post soon about the normal guys I’ve actually met on here.  These are so much more fun, though!  😉

Dating in Miami – Thrillist Article

A friend forwarded this article to me about dating in Miami. Sad but so much is true. So true it’s actually funny!

Favorite might be:

You never really know what your date does for work

There’s a reason Miamians never ask “what do you do?” You’ll get an aneurism trying to figure out how a girl pays for a two-bedroom apartment in South Beach working one night a week as a “promo girl.” And when a guy says “I run some businesses,” you really don’t want to think too hard about that either.

Click here.

Enjoy!

February Blues

Since Valentine’s Day weekend, I have been a bit of a mess.  I hit that inevitable setback and really was very sad for sometime.  (Functional but in a crabby way.)

Grayheart finally found a townhouse that has rooms for each of our kids.  His lease started middle of this month and he’s slowly moving in.  (He’s been traveling the last two weeks for work.)  I think the reality of my kids having a second home to spend time in really just screwed with me.  Coping with that thought has been tough.  We haven’t implemented it yet but that storm is coming soon.  (Prepare yourselves, readers. You’ll probably not like me when I first adjust to the change.)

He also confirmed that he’s seeing Raggedy.  And that she would be visiting him while out of town this coming weekend because it is her birthday. (Bitch.)  I have worked so hard at ridding of my anger but I felt it slowly creeping back.  It just pisses me off that he gets to find love and happiness during this process.  He doesn’t deserve it and I wish them nothing but the worst.  I sound so petty but I hate them (together as a couple).  She lives my life, doing things “we” used to do while I sleep at home alone at night nursing my broken heart (or hangover).

I’m not going to let this confirmation have control over me.  So while a shitty couple of weeks made landfall in February, thankfully, this week has been better.

The Week’s Mantra:  Feel the feels. Get through it.  And, March, hurry up already!

Friday Night Fun… Drinks at a Pub

So my “Friday Night Fun” this past weekend was verrrry casual.  Grayheart is out of town for work so I had no one to watch the kids this weekend.

I was lucky enough to be able to join one of my best friends, Arlene, for dinner and drinks at a local Irish pub.  She was meeting with another girlfriend of hers and each brought their kids.  Since I had my rugrats, it seemed like a perfect thing to do!

Arlene’s friend, Wis, is an old co-worker of hers that seems to be going through a rough patch in her marriage.  She candidly discussed how her husband seems to be shutting down due to his discontent with work/career path.  Regular conversations turn tense and he’s not effectively communicating with her.  Quite frankly, she stated she’s tired of stroking his ego.

I really feel for her.  I wish I had good advice to give.  I feel my marriage went south due to the lack of communication and distance we created due to contempt and lack of support.  But as we all know, when someone is going through a personal conflict, they have to be willing to help themselves and be whole before they can be a good partner to anyone else.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed that their beautiful family will remain intact and recover from this hurdle.

We had a nice time even though our kids decided to use the pub’s coasters as frisbees and then confetti.  And then somehow salt ended up in my little She-ra’s hair.  (Which will make you damn crazy if you are still panicking about lice!!)  So after we thoroughly wrecked the place, we called it a night.

I was initially annoyed that my Friday night fun was not going to be a night out around town but I had a nice time and it took me out of the funk I’d been in lately.  And I actually got to bed by 10 pm!  So I got quality rest this evening – rare these days – which means I woke up in a better mood on Saturday.  (For some reason Friday Night Fun usually means Sobering or Sad Saturday.  I think it’s the lack of sleep or the grave reality that I’m a 34 year old single mom on the prowl now, lol!)

Weekend Mantra:  Enjoy the weekend without any pressure of what to do.  Weather is beautiful, appreciate it!

Thought of the day…

Found this on “Beautifully Betrayed” (beautifullybetrayed.wordpress.com) and thought it perfect! This seems to be me lately. A lot.

Beautifully Betrayed

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I got Catfished!

Online dating should be pretty easy and straightforward, right?  It’s become so popular that there’s a lot of “normal” people on there… or so I thought!

I was messaged by this incredibly handsome and fit guy named Mike.  I nicknamed him “Magic Mike” as you can see why.

Yummy!  Nice smile, totally buff, seems nice…so he asks me for my phone number… says he’s moving from NY to Miami and has been trying to get to know people before his move.  I’m like “YESSSSS! How the hell did I get so lucky?!  Too good to be true!”  (Yep, that’s right, little voice of reason.)  

So after a day or two of texting, which involved heavy flirting and the delicious sense that I was gonna get me some of those rippling abs in the very near future – I started feeling that something was “off.”  (Grrr!)

First, his grammar was awful. (I associated this with the lack of brains due to his beauty.  You cannot be gifted on both sides!)  Then, while he claimed was all open to talking on the phone or FaceTiming, he would disappear or give an excuse when I asked to do so. And, finally, he was vague when answering questions on his plans for Miami upon arrival.  Seemed strange that someone making such a move would be so disorganized about the whole thing.

We’d chat about taking pictures/selfies and he sent me this picture.

He said he was working out one evening and so he sent this picture.  (Shit!  His abs have abs!)

While I planned my future escapades with this fine specimen, I was doing my internet research. I checked online for the logo of the gym he was at. Couldn’t find anything in New York.  I searched his phone number. Nada.  I started to do the reverse image search but couldn’t get it to work on my cell phone.  So after boasting about Magic Mike’s beauty to my inner circle of family and friends… my brother calls me laughing hysterically!  His boyfriend actually follows this guy on Instagram! Yep!  Magic Mike is actually Mike Thurston, fitness trainer/Insta model in LONDON!  (Check him out on FB: https://www.facebook.com/mikethurstonofficial or Instagram: http://instagram.com/mikethurston)

I was communicating with an imposter that was using this man’s images!  Thank goodness luck was on my side and my brother in law knew who this guy was!  Now it was time for me to flip the script on the Catfisher!  Catfishee became the catfisher!

What did I do?  Over the next few days I kept flirting with him and started getting really really needy.  Like, weird needy.  Then I started asking him for money.  Saying I was a single mom that needed the help.  He was freaking out!  Finally, I told him that I needed the money for my “final surgery” because I was in the midst of transitioning from a man to a woman.

(*Disclaimer: I have no problems with transgendered community but I knew it’d freak him out.)

I told him that the pics I posted from Match were of a friend of mine and that I hoped he’d forgive me for the lie.  He responded with “Ahhh! I am NOT interested, bye.  Thanks for posting fake pictures of yourself.”  Dude had the nerve to get pissy for faking him out! LOL!  My final message to him (before I finally blocked him) was a screen shot of Mike Thurston’s facebook page.  I told him that if I was ever in London, I’d be sure to look him up!  (I wanted him to know I was on to his game.)

With a bit more research, we traced the phone number to some loser that lives in Kissimmee, FL with a last name of Patel.  Very far off from Mr. Thurston.  There’s an address associated with this guy so I’m going to send him a very special gift…Glitter!

For those of you that haven’t seen “Ship Your Enemies Glitter“, check it out!  It’s soooo worth the $10! 

Moral of the story?  Trust your gut instinct.  If it’s too good to be true, it usually is!  And research the heck out of anyone you meet (online or in person).  And if you get catfished, don’t be a victim!  Fire back anyway you can!  I ended up having such a laugh with this experience!

And at least Mike Thurston has a new follower on social media!  Maybe a few after this post! 😉

Crappy weekend & Lice

After my revelation that I had been doing so well and felt great and blah, blah, blah… I had a major setback this past weekend.

Grayheart is working crazy hours, he’s now traveling for work, Valentine’s Day, I’m sick, I’ve eaten terribly, the kids have been out of control and then my little She-ra got LICE!   I literally broke down crying on the floor of my closet.  I actually was so stressed that I screamed at my kids one night and just sent them straight to bed.  (I felt like an awful mother!)  I just could not take it anymore.

By the way, for anyone that has not experienced the joys of lice… it is the MOST tedious and annoying thing to go through!  These invaders multiply at a rapid pace and will drive anyone remotely OCD or Type A crazy!  I have washed, heated, dried, washed again, thrown out, shaken out every and anything in my house that my daughter has come across.  And then you can’t help but feel itchy just talking about it!

So I’m chalking this weekend and last few days up to just a momentarily case of the blues and bad luck.  Let’s hope the cold weather about to hit Miami will take away the shitty fortune I’ve had and bring in some good!

Friday Night Fun – Movies & Dancing

Last Friday, I went to the movies and then out dancing.  It was a fun night, chill, nothing crazy.

I went with several girlfriends to see “Fifty Shades of Grey” which felt like it an adventure!  The movie was fine (I’m not a huge fan of who they picked as Christian Grey) but the most fun about the experience was watching it with a bunch of women that read the book.  People were cheering and “oohing” and “ahhing” at certain scenes or quotes… and the movie was much funnier than I expected!  Overall, it was worth seeing but I think I saw waaaaay too much of Dakota Johnson’s nipples (and the infamous bush, of course). LOL!

I met up with another set of friends for our regular Friday night dancing outing and… I’m over it.  I had fun but I’m tired of our regular place.  I feel like I know the DJ’s set and am about to ask him if I can fill in for him to damn switch it up!  Plus, no cute guys.  You would think, statistically speaking, this would be a great night to pick up some single honies the night before Valentine’s but it seems that only the annoying, unattractive ones followed that line of thought!

Overall, fun night but nothing worth making a big deal about.  So, it’s time to switch it up this coming weekend…