Marriage after Divorce?

I’ve been with Captain for 3.5 years and have experienced nothing but the best of the best in my relationship. This man has nursed my emotional wounds, treats me like a queen, and loves me down to my soul. Add to it all that he is fantastic with my children, is crazy handsome, and a hard working man… well, I’ve hit the love lottery. I have never been so fulfilled and emotionally complete in my life.

So it’s natural that we discuss marriage and our future together. I only see a future with him. I would love to call him my husband and live a long, beautiful life with him. And he is very much on the same page.

But I do not want to move an hour away to the Keys where there is absolutely nothing to do but drink and go boating. Fabulous if you’re on vacation, dull and slow for a full time experience. I cannot picture raising my children there. I enjoy the network I have here in Miami. My job, my family, my friends, my things… If I was single without kids, I’d just move and suck it up.

The other obvious option is that Captain could move to Miami and just do the hour commute each morning for work. Except it’s draining. He fishes for a living. And getting up at 4 am to get back that way in time to gear up and meet his clients… not very sustainable. It’s not that it’s impossible, but we’ve done it many times over and it’s very challenging. I can’t imagine he would be able to do it full time without wearing himself out. (And just to be clear, the distance is close to 60 miles. It’s not the “hour” that’s the issue, it’s the traffic depending on the time of day that makes an hour anything from 1-3 hours depending which direction you’re heading and time of day. And luck, of course.)

Captain says I talk about marriage and seem all excited but when he starts to get ready to pull the trigger, I give him the big block. I’m not ready yet. (He’s never proposed but I guess I’m inconsistent in how I approach the marriage thing.)

I think I hesitate because our marriage would be “unconventional.” It would be two households, sharing time, going back and forth, etc. We’d be 100% committed and probably do a great job at keeping it exciting and happy because we’d never get tired of each other. (He thinks it’s the perfect setup!) I worry that I would eventually become resentful of having to “rough” it a good bit of the time on my own, even though I wouldn’t be alone. If I was just plain alone, there’s no one to be annoyed with that I had to on my own manage a dinosaur-sized iguana found entwined in the soccer net of my backyard as the maggots and other neighborhood scavengers picked at his dead body. (Yes, true story.)

I’d prefer a more traditional set up. And I know he would, too. But that’s not an option right now for me. So maybe now is not the time? There certainly is no rush.

I know every other aspect of being with him would be perfect. I trust and believe in him… in us. I love him and know we will figure it out, but I’m also at a point in my life that I know Love is not always enough when it comes to marriage.

It would be nice to hear if anyone has experience with or knows of any successful untraditional marriages.

❤️ Athena

Southern Livin’

Captain and I road tripped through the South last week and had such a lovely time! We got our fill of good eats and just truly enjoyed the quality time (sans kids). My man’s been working like crazy so it was nice to see him not exhausted from the physical labor of his job (fishing in 100F weather).

So we left Miami and headed to our first stop…St Augustine, FL:

Then, we hit Beaufort, SC:

Next stop was Charleston, SC:

And our grand finale was Savannah, GA:

Loved, loved, loved every moment of it! I’m still dreaming about the food…

Your biscuit-and-fried-chicken-loving friend,

Athena xo

Too Quiet?

My kids have been on vacation with their father in the northeast for a week and there’s one week left to go. I’ve had a hard time being without them. You’d think I’d be thrilled and make the most of my alone time and appreciate the quiet, right? Ugh. Kinda.

I have enjoyed spending the week in the Keys with Captain. Snorkeling, biking, walking, reading, etc. Alone time with him. We rarely get uninterrupted time so it’s been fantastic. But holy hell is it a quiet life without kids! Too quiet.

I have the summer off and spend loads of time with the kids. So having them gone for so long is rough. And not just because I enjoy them but also because I am neurotic and worry endlessly about their safety while they’re gone. I hate to even put it into words but I have nightmares about kidnappings, trafficking, drownings, car accidents, etc. I try to keep it under control and not be crazy… but man. I’m crazy.

I am not crazy enough to not recognize that I’m lucky they have a father that’s involved. His new girlfriend is with them and she’s been fantastic keeping watch and updating me about them. And at 6 and 9 years old, my kids are very fortunate to visit New England and family all along the northeast US. All good stuff.

So I’m just having a moment. One of those self pitying moments where I hate what comes with divorce with young kids.

On another note, I have realized that I need (A) some other teacher friends that are chilling this summer or (B) unemployed and adventurous wealthy friends, to hang with while Captain is out working. Day drinking is no fun alone. (I kid. Kinda. But, seriously, any volunteers?! 😜)

On a positive note, Captain and I will take a road trip tomorrow! We’re going to drive up to Charleston with several stops along the way. Lots of good eats! I’m currently working on my southern drawl. Saying “reckon” just doesn’t sound right yet with my Miami accent. I’ll get it!

xo

Athena

Captain met the kids

After 8 months of dating, we made it happen. Captain met my kids on Halloween!

And it went GREAT!

He brought them each a little gift to butter them up. They played superhero imagination games together. Then we had a nice home cooked meal at my house together. (My kids behaved like angels! I was shocked!)

He was such a great sport. My son was Batman, my daughter and I Batgirl and he dressed up as the Joker!

Kids painting Joker face on Captain

We then went trick or treating together! The kids were so excited to hang out with him, they took turns asking to hold his hand. (They’re 3 & 6.)

 
The kids gave him huge hugs before he left and asked him to come back the next day. They commented to me afterward how much they enjoyed hanging out with him and how awesome he was. 

Captain soon after called me to tell me he had a wonderful time and felt like he loved me even more after meeting them. 

It couldn’t have gone any better. I am so grateful. (And relieved!) 🙂

XO – Athena

Life with Captain – 6 months!

I thought I’d give an update on my relationship with Captain since a few people have asked me about him…

Captain and I recently celebrated the sixth month anniversary of our first date.  It blows my mind that this relationship is a result of a good online dating match! It was my first time online dating (he had also only been on a short time) and he was my first date!  I know I’m lucky and that this is not usually the case for most people.  And given how many funny things I came across while I was on Match, I can see why! Lol!

I’ve fallen pretty deeply in love with him and feel very loved and fortunate to be in such a healthy, easy relationship.  He’s been my support during tough times and nurtured the wounds that are still tender.  Captain is divorced and I think that really helps. A failed marriage tends to really put things in perspective; at least for those who have used it as a learning experience.

We have opted to wait a bit longer before he meets my kids.  My little She-ra expressed some serious concerns last month regarding mommy and daddy living apart and ever re-marrying.  It was totally out of left field. She was hysterical and it absolutely devastated me.  Grayheart introduced the kids to his whore, Raggedy Ann, shortly before that and I’m certain that affected her.  (She’s been introduced as a “co-worker/friend.”)  That’s a whole other issue… So, I’m waiting on intros with Captain until I feel it’s right for everyone.

In the meantime, I’m loving this cutesy lovey dovey honeymoon stage!  I really look forward to what’s in store for us.

Thank you to all my peeps that have been so supportive and positive with this relationship and my divorce blues. The good juju sent my way has really helped.  It means a lot. 🙂

xoxo – Besitos!

Dear Austin, TX – I love you

  
I just got back from an amazing several days in Austin, Texas with Captain.  To say I loved Austin and had a phenomenal time is an understatement.   

I’ve never been to a town where there was such an incredible combination of positive characteristics:  the friendliest people, amazing food, outstanding live music, tons of fun outdoorsy things to do, great college campus, youthful and fresh influence, politics… Jeez, where do I stop?! 

  
Austin is unapologetically and proudly bizarre.  I know the slogan “Keep Austin weird” but it’s just too cool to sum it up as weird.  

   

  

  

   
I won’t bore you with extensive details of the trip but I’ll sum it up by saying that we did Sixth and Rainey street, toured UT, went to a comedy club, rode bike around town galore, ate more red meat and drank more beer in those days than I ever thought humanly possible, watched the largest urban bat population take off for their evening search for food, stayed at the gorgeous Driskill hotel, ate and ate more, watched tons of live local music and had a very romantic time with my man.  It was about as perfect as a getaway could get.

    

    
(Pardon my crappy photography skills.)

Austin, I love you!

PS- I’m still in awe that this is my life post Grayheart.  There is hope after divorce, y’all!

Besos!

Lana del Rey Concert

Captain and I went to the Lana del Rey concert last night.  We listen to her a lot when we have our sleepovers so when I found out she was going to be in town for the Endless Summer Tour, I immediately bought lawn seats for her concert.  The Coral Sky Amphitheater in West Palm Beach is a really cool place to see a show.

We arrived, ate some yummy food truck tacos, guzzled beer and parked our camping chairs on the lawn.  We, by far, were some of the oldest people there.  Apparently, teens and 20 somethings really love her angst and dark lyrics. (Surprise, eh?)

We had so much fun!  Lana has a great voice and actually sounds better live than she does on her albums.

I was too far to get good pictures on my cell phone but I took a few video clips to have the audio.

She sang a bunch of songs (Born to Die, Video Games, Blue Jeans, Summertime Sadness,  Ultraviolence, etc.) but, naturally, killed it with “Florida Kilos.”  We fell further in love with her (the song is amazeballs) and then she ended her set by bringing down the house with “Off to the Races.”

Awesome night! #lanaforlife

Besitos!

Friday Night Fun – Sushi & Sunsets

Just a quickie…

  
Captain and I went to dinner at Kaiyo Japanese Grill in Islamorada.  The food was phenomenal!  We then sat by the pier at Morada Bay with some drinks as we watched the sun set.

 
Sometimes I have to pinch myself because I can’t believe how lucky I am. A year ago I was in shambles and now I’m in the most romantic relationship I’ve ever been in and feel incredibly independent.  My life is far from perfect but I’m really working on focusing on “me” since this process started.

  
Besitos y amor to you all!

Weekend in Rewind – The Keys & Kid Races

It’s been a bit since I’ve done one of these!  Here’s my weekend in rewind!

Friday Night Fun – I drove to Islamorada to see Captain.  He had some friends in town that were renting a mansion in Marathon.  They invited us to stay the night and we gladly agreed!  I won’t even begin to bore you with details on how awesome the place was but we certainly had an amazing time partying and I got on soooo well with his friends.  

Here are some pictures of the place. Felt like paradise.  

 
I love going to the Keys.  It is so wonderfully relaxing and feels like vacation each time I go visit.  And being with Captain is like living a dream I haven’t quite woken up from. (I know, I’m so pathetically sappy these days!)

I will still recovering from my fun by Saturday so it was a simple evening with my kids and family.

And then Sunday was all about family and fitness! My family participates in something called “Healthy Kids Races” which promotes running as a healthy lifestyle activity to combat childhood obesity.  This was the last race of the series and there was a big party and a parents’ race.  This mommy right here got 3rd place in the 1 mile race! 🙂

  

Fun times! 

I’ve resurfaced… here’s an update on what’s been going on!

I have been working daily and come home exhausted so hitting the computer is often the last thing I want to do.  And my thumbs kill me if I try to write an entire post from my phone!  So I’m going to write a mini update on what’s going on in my life.  I apologize in advance if it’s not the highest caliber of writing or the most visually appealing post.

• It’s been a birthday bonanza!  We’ve celebrated She-ra, me, my mom, my grandfather’s and Captain’s birthday all in the last three weeks!  It’s been an absolute blast but I’m SO over cake!   
• Grayheart and I are still on amicable terms.  I know he’s still seeing Raggedy.  I just don’t care.  We’ve been working on our divorce paperwork and the only thing that really has me on edge is the custodial arrangement.  He wants 50/50 and I am terrified of that notion. I suppose it’s a good problem to have… A father that adores his kids. But it’s hard to think I wouldn’t have my kids as frequent as I have them now.  He seems to be open now to different possibilities after doing more research on custody scenarios for such young children.

• Captain – If there was anything in my life right now that could be described as perfect, he would be it.  We’ve seen each other every 2-3 days, had amazing dates (dinners, paint notes, even just sitting in Krispy Kreme parking lot), gone away for a two day trip together to Disney World and Islands of Adventure  (where he asked me to be his girlfriend), and last night he told me that he loves me.  This man is so incredibly sexy and attentive and genuine and kind hearted and loving… I just cannot believe that I’ve been blessed with a man this wonderful to me.  And I actually really really care for him back.  It’s such a nice, easy affectionate relationship.  I think I love him as much as I am capable of right now.  I know he’s worried that he is a rebound relationship for me.  I would like to think this is not true and that we are just incredibly lucky to find each other.  I suppose only time will tell.  I can say, though, that I am the happiest I’ve ever been with a man.  And it’s an amazing feeling.     

• I’ve not been running more than once a week so I feel like crap. I’m gonna get back on track though. It’s such a yucky feeling and exercising really helps mind, body and soul.

• My old job (in real estate) contacted me today inquiring as to whether or not I’d be interested in returning in a part time capacity. Not sure how I feel about this since I have virtually no details. I will do lunch with my old boss next week and learn more.   

So there you go! I’ve included some pictures of our dinners and outings.  (Feel free to inquire about any of these.). Lots of stuff in the last 3 weeks.  I know that I’m incredibly lucky and have much to be grateful for.

Today’s Motto:  I’m loved and lucky.  And I really feel like I deserve it.  It’s so nice to be in this phase of life rather than where I was 9 months ago. ❤️