Family Engagement

When you have kids from a previous marriage, dating is not often the easiest thing to maneuver. You come as a package deal… kids are still attached to the idea of you getting back with their father… different personalities… wariness of adults around your kids, etc. So when I met Captain, I made sure I took my time, looked left and right, and left and right again, checked for any dangers or blind spots, and then truly crossed the road. Four years later, I’m glad I did because this man is truly a blessing.

I could sit and list all his wonderful qualities but I think his approach in asking me for my hand in marriage shows the kind of man he is. 💖

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Upon arrival in Iceland, we took off for the town of Vík, where Captain had scheduled a horseback riding tour for us on Reynisfjara Beach. Knowing that this was one of my favorite spots from our last visit, he made this special place the background of his proposal. He expressed his love for me and shared beautiful observations and thoughts of my family and our life together. It was very humbling to hear his words and so satisfying to be able to echo the same love back.

But that’s not where he ended. He asked me to keep the engagement quiet until our return because he wanted to talk with my kids and involve them in what would be a second proposal.

So when we returned to Miami, I left to run some errands while he had a heart to heart with my kids. Captain shared how he adored them and wanted them to be part of his declaration of commitment and love to me. They came up with a crafty little scavenger hunt that I would find on my return.

Little cards with clues and messages were spread around the house leading me finally to my bedroom, in which a final card and my ring were displayed on my bed. My babies were dressed up, grinning from ear to ear, and waiting with champagne to toast to this moment. They showered me with kisses and affection, while Captain again repeated how he loved and wanted a life with us forever.

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There isn’t a single thing in this world that means more to me than my family. He gets it- and embraces it. Can you kinda see why I think he’s so marvelous? 💗

I’ve come such a ways since my divorce….

Love, Captain Athena

How you doin?

Been a minute since I’ve been on here.

How you doin?

I’m good! Finished another school year teaching rugrat 5th graders (that I love). I see myself becoming a better educator and feel proud to have the relationship I do with those kids. 💗

My own kids are getting big! 7&10! Yikes! We are having a fun summer spending lots of quality time and doing fun rambunctious things.

I’m still co-parenting fairly well with my ex, Grayheart. Hiccups along the way, of course, but I’d give it a ratio of 90/10 in terms of the ratio of our positive to negative interactions. I marvel at how little I actually think about my marriage to him. Almost 5 years later and I don’t remember the details I used to. He’s dating a woman that will soon be moving to Miami with her two kids… in with him. She’s nice. I wish them well. I hope he does her better. But I know who he is. And chances are he’ll screw over another nice woman. Oh well.

As for me, I am still in a wonderfully committed relationship with Captain. We continue to drive the hour regularly between Miami and the Keys to see each other. I continue to count my blessings because he is an excellent man and partner.

We have a busy summer planned… Captain and I are going to Iceland, then I’ll be traveling to Nashville for my sister’s bachelorette party (millennials, sigh),  then taking my kids to see my brother in a California, and finally doing a lovely beach holiday weekend with my closest girlfriends. Just writing it down intimidates me! But it’s not a bad problem to have. 😉

Would love to hear how my friends in the blogosphere are. Sending you all lots of cariño.

xo Athena

Southern Livin’

Captain and I road tripped through the South last week and had such a lovely time! We got our fill of good eats and just truly enjoyed the quality time (sans kids). My man’s been working like crazy so it was nice to see him not exhausted from the physical labor of his job (fishing in 100F weather).

So we left Miami and headed to our first stop…St Augustine, FL:

Then, we hit Beaufort, SC:

Next stop was Charleston, SC:

And our grand finale was Savannah, GA:

Loved, loved, loved every moment of it! I’m still dreaming about the food…

Your biscuit-and-fried-chicken-loving friend,

Athena xo

Too Quiet?

My kids have been on vacation with their father in the northeast for a week and there’s one week left to go. I’ve had a hard time being without them. You’d think I’d be thrilled and make the most of my alone time and appreciate the quiet, right? Ugh. Kinda.

I have enjoyed spending the week in the Keys with Captain. Snorkeling, biking, walking, reading, etc. Alone time with him. We rarely get uninterrupted time so it’s been fantastic. But holy hell is it a quiet life without kids! Too quiet.

I have the summer off and spend loads of time with the kids. So having them gone for so long is rough. And not just because I enjoy them but also because I am neurotic and worry endlessly about their safety while they’re gone. I hate to even put it into words but I have nightmares about kidnappings, trafficking, drownings, car accidents, etc. I try to keep it under control and not be crazy… but man. I’m crazy.

I am not crazy enough to not recognize that I’m lucky they have a father that’s involved. His new girlfriend is with them and she’s been fantastic keeping watch and updating me about them. And at 6 and 9 years old, my kids are very fortunate to visit New England and family all along the northeast US. All good stuff.

So I’m just having a moment. One of those self pitying moments where I hate what comes with divorce with young kids.

On another note, I have realized that I need (A) some other teacher friends that are chilling this summer or (B) unemployed and adventurous wealthy friends, to hang with while Captain is out working. Day drinking is no fun alone. (I kid. Kinda. But, seriously, any volunteers?! 😜)

On a positive note, Captain and I will take a road trip tomorrow! We’re going to drive up to Charleston with several stops along the way. Lots of good eats! I’m currently working on my southern drawl. Saying “reckon” just doesn’t sound right yet with my Miami accent. I’ll get it!

xo

Athena

Oh, who are the people in your neighborhood?

Growing up, we watched Sesame Street. There was a song that went something like:

Oh, who are the people in your neighborhood?

In your neighborhood?

In your neighborhood?

Say, who are the people in your neighborhood?

The people that you meet each day.

Nowhere there do I see that your ex-husband should be the people in your neighborhood. 😑

I nearly had a heart attack when my 9 year old daughter mentioned something about Daddy checking out a house for sale in the next cul-de-sac. They toured an open house on my block!!

Made me sick to my stomach. Want to throw up, queasy, oh hell no, kind of sick.

Sometimes I ask myself how it can be fair that you can still have to see someone you cannot stand on such a frequent basis? If Grayheart could just consistently be nice or normal (or just consistent) then I wouldn’t have to want to punch him in his smug face so often.

Don’t exes want to avoid each other? I don’t want to see him more often than I have to! No one loves their kids enough to want to move 5 houses away. Just leave me alone, dude.

So I asked him about it. Claims they stopped by on a whim just for fun while they happened to drive by. That there’s no way he could even afford a house in the neighborhood. I’m calling bullshit. He can’t afford it is right. But that it was a chance thing? Nope. I think he’s just trying to mind-f*ck me. Make me crazy.

And it’s almost working. Almost.

Happy Divorce Anniversary to Me

I completely missed that a little over a year ago I officially divorced from Grayheart. So happy anniversary to me for that milestone!

It’s been over 3 and a half years since we separated. And as I reflect, I’ve noticed a few things.

1. I no longer have the “need” or even desire to understand what went wrong. I no longer dissect it or try to make sense of it. He is a selfish man, I married the wrong person, and I now know better.
2. I’ve learned from my mistakes. I think I was still a good wife but there are many things I could have done better. I am a better partner now. I appreciate things that truly matter. Little things count.
3. Nothing lasts forever and there’s a sort of comfort you have the first time around that leaves you after a divorce. You no longer sit comfortably thinking you can’t be dethroned. Someone can vow to love you forever but they won’t stick around if you’re no longer lovable. Anyone can be replaced. Sounds negative but I feel like it’s just a more realistic point of view. And it pretty much applies to all in life.
4. I’m fiercer and less willing to put up with anything I think is beneath me. I refuse to fall into old patterns in relationships.
5. My bond with my kids is even stronger than I thought possible. I grateful for every moment with them since I now see them less than I would have if I’d had an intact household.
6. It’s not fair but I have to put in more effort than my ex does when it comes to the kids. I do more and that’s just the way it is. It’s draining at times but whining that life isn’t fair just doesn’t help.
7. The things that drove me crazy about my ex still annoy the hell out of me. But I don’t have to deal with him in my face every day. I’m free from his darkness.
8. I no longer feel like I need to be connected somehow to Grayheart. We are not really friends. We are family, I guess? It’s reminiscent of an annoying cousin you care for and would be there for if they need you, but you don’t really talk to often. Every now and then he and I have a good quality conversation, especially about the kids. But I prefer not to be around him.
9. His life has not drastically improved since we parted. He’s in debt. His weight has fluctuated. He’s changed jobs. He’s no longer friends with the “divorce is awesome” crew that encouraged the single life. He is no longer with Raggedy (she moved to Maryland). He has the kids to truly be proud of but that’s because I take care of everything. He’s screwed up everything around him.
10. I have moments of frustration and sadness for my children but I haven’t cried about my divorce since the day it was officially confirmed. I think I poured out everything left at that moment. There is magic that happens within the 2 to 3 year mark. You really do heal. If you do it the right way. I faced it, received wonderful counseling, and managed to co-parent well through the worst of it. And somewhere along the way, I found a magnificent man as a partner.

So happy anniversary to me. I won’t “celebrate” it because I no longer define myself by it. It’s old news and I’m too busy moving straight ahead! I wish those of you going through a divorce a ton of strength and faith through the process. It does get better.

xo Athena

Shi…ngles

I got shingles, y’all! *slow clap*

It’s kinda fun to say. Shhhh… ingles? Sh-ing-les. Sh-in-gulls. Shin-gals. Shhhhh. Whatever. I got it. 

Apparently, you don’t need to be over 60 to have it. 

Those effers have been living in my nerve cells latent for 33 years and decided to pop in for an uninvited visit this week. Bastards.

I’m annoyed because I’m not stressed and this is usually the cause of onset. I’m actually on summer break from teaching and having a lovely time! 

Only thing I can think is maybe my brain is creeping behind my back and subversively worrying about finances?

Grayheart, my ex-husband, recently quit his long-term, secure job. Why? No good reason. He hated his job and wanted to pursue his business ventures in the restaurant industry is pretty much why. Idiot. 

It’s not my business what he does as long as he parents well and pays for his child support. He will continue to pay his child support as-is but I just don’t trust him. So on a teacher’s salary, you can understand why I might quietly fret? Anyway, I’m pushing it out of my mind and just focusing on the now and not the “what if” of the situation. I didn’t think it was bothering me enough to cause me trouble but it’s possible that my body is just tired of constantly fighting everything over the last 3 years? (This shingles thing is his fault, of course.)

As a side note, Grayheart broke up with Raggedy Ann. I think this is the fifth time? 🙄 (I met her, by the way. Another story, another time. Nothing exciting.) 

Oh! And he then immediately got a vasectomy. I think Raggedy was hinting at wanting her own kids. Lmao!

*Don’t mind me as I snicker at their demise.*

I know, petty. But, fuck, I’m dealing with shingles! Cut me some slack! 

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So… back to me. Life is pretty damn good right now. I’m heading to the Turks & Caicos in a couple of weeks with Captain. He and I are wonderful! I’m still gushy in love. ❤️ My kids are fantastic and I’ve been doing so many fun things with them this summer! I’ve kept to my resolution of reading a book a month and have been reading the Outlander novels! (And love them!) I’m back to running again after a very long hiatus! And I’ve got 5 more weeks of summer break! Woohoo! Life will be all good again once I’m back to normal. 🙌🏽

Hope everyone is enjoying their summer! (Or winter for you Southern Hemisphere folks!) 

😘 Athena 

Officially Divorced

I am officially divorced.  Grayheart and I went before a judge last week to legally terminate our marriage.

We sat in court and watched the first set of couples (represented by attorneys) go through the process. The judge was very polite and seemed to be quite thorough in his review of each case. He asked questions if he found anything incorrect in their Marriage Settlement Agreement (MSA),  child support, or parenting plan. If he didn’t, he sped right through his few questions.

Is your marriage irretrievably broken? Are you currently pregnant? Can you identify the signatures on the agreement? Were you coerced or forced into agreement on the MSA? Are there any assets that need to be decided here today? Did you and your spouse provide each other financial documentation? Are you asking for a former name to be restored? 

It’s a fairly quick process. After watching a few, I felt comfortable that ours would go well. But it’s a weird, out of body experience. 

While staring at the couples ahead of us, I mumbled to Grayheart that although I was relieved we were putting an end to this process, it was still…

Sad. He finished my sentence without looking me in the eye. I stared down at my feet as I knew my eyes were welling up. I heard the shake in his voice. 

He felt it. He knew it. It was confirmation to me that our life was not completely based on a lie. And in that small statement, I knew he once loved me. And it shouldn’t matter but it helps. I wasn’t in it all these years because I was totally crazy.

Once it was our turn to be called up, I’d pulled myself together. The judge asked his questions, we answered, they worked on my name change papers… and that was it. Five minutes. Five minutes?

Done. 

Divorced.

We walked out silently. Numb with quiet shock. What do you really say after that? 

By the time we walked out of the courthouse, I knew I was going to cry. It’s hard to explain why. I welcomed the divorce at this point. I’m happy it’s over. But it’s truly over. After many years of memories and ties, the only tie we now have to each other are the kids. 

And it’s not a bad thing. It’s just a major thing. 

I sobbed the whole car ride back home. It was my final goodbye…. it felt right to exorcise that last demon. 

Farewell to old me. ❤️

Hello from the other side…

🎶 Hello, it’s me… I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet. 🎶

A bit dramatic, eh? 🙂

Hello, friends! I’m alive. And well.

I’ve missed my buds here. I hope you all have been wonderful. I have given you guys much thought during my absence. I just have been avoiding blogging much in the same way I’ve been avoiding any additional responsibility in my life.

Let me apologize in advance. This will be a longish post. I’ll try to be considerate of your time… 😉

I am officially a 2nd grade teacher! And, boy, was that an overwhelming change in my life! There wasn’t much training so it was more trial by fire than anything. But I’ve been rocking it. I love it. I love the students and where I’m at. I am by no means the perfect teacher but it’s an incredibly refreshing change from property management. It’s a job that allows me to be a parent and have a life. It’s been a challenge, of course, adapting  to such a busy schedule after having been a part-time worker bee the last 3 years. But it’s nice to feel like my mind is being exercised and I’m earning a real paycheck. (I’m much poorer than ever, though! Man, teachers get paid squat! Lol!)

My kids are great. They’ve handled the transition well. They complain I’m not around as much but everyone in the family steps in when I can’t. 

Halloween 2016 Power Ranger style!

 Grayheart and I have had some serious heart to heart conversations… he’s apologized and cleared up some things from the past. He and Raggedy Ann have been on and off plenty and are currently off. He did try to make his way back “home” but I rejected those attempts. He is my past and will never be my future. Clearing the air has helped, however, and we get along better. He still annoys me, of course, but it’s less tense. Win for everyone.

I’m not divorced yet but we are filing very soon. Paperwork is done, agreements are in place, and I’m insured with my full time job so that’s no longer a worry. =)

As for my love life… Captain is still the most incredible boyfriend ever and never ceases to amaze me with his love. We’re about 3 months shy of hitting 2 years together and it just continues to get better with him. I don’t want to jinx the relationship, but I do think he’s my happily-ever-after. ❤️

As for my personal hobbies… I’ve not been running as much but I have been exercising regularly. I’ve had great out of town trips since I last checked in here. Disney trips with the kids and friends, New Orleans and Virgin Islands with Captain, and a trip to Cuba and Barcelona scheduled for this winter. (Yes, I will get to see where my family is from and am thrilled at the thought!) I’ve also been reading a book a month, I’m proud to report! 

Now, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows. I’m giving the Cliffs Notes version of my life the last several months. I had quite a cry last night and can get overwhelmed with life and parental responsibilities. But I’m wise enough to know how much I have to be grateful for.

I hope you guys had a beautiful Thanksgiving. I look forward to catching up and hearing how you each are! I’m trying my best to catch up on your posts…

Besos y abrazos!  😘 🤗

Athena ❤️

Date Night with my Daughter and Ellie Goulding

I took my 7 yr old daughter to her first concert this past weekend! We saw Ellie Goulding perform on the Delirium Tour.

This is an album we love to jam to and when I heard she was coming to Miami, I immediately bought us tickets! 

Here’s some of the fun from the night. Loved Ellie’s performance and loved the quality time with my lil gal! We danced the entire time we were there! 

My sweet girl was pretty tired by the last few songs. After a long day of school and the chaos of the concert, 10 pm was just too late for her. She fell asleep as soon as we got in the car. 

Such a fun night! One of the best and most meaningful adventures I’ve had with my daughter. ❤️

xo