Weekend in Rewind – Swing dancing, Siblings & Sand

Hey friends! 

I hadn’t done a Friday Night Fun post or Weekend in Rewind in quite some time. It was such a nice weekend, I just had to share!

My brother was in town visiting from LA and he had not seen my kids in almost a year so they were stuck to him like glue! 

Here’s an awful face swap of my daughter and bro that is so scary, she nearly cried when she saw it! LMAO!

For the record, my kid nor my brother look anything like this disaster! lol!

Friday night was a good friend of mine’s bday. And she wanted to go swing dancing! Didn’t have to tell me twice!



Trés cool… Took me a bit but I started to get the hang of it. I’m signing up for lessons I loved it so much! 🙂

Wanna hear the crazy part about this place? First, it’s called Toe Jam Backlot. So it’s a weird name. Second, it’s where I went out Dec 2014 my first night out post separation and cried my damn eyes out. It was neat to reflect how I felt at that low point. Hard to believe that a year & a half later I was actually swing dancing with strangers in the same spot and having a ball! Major victory here for me. 


Saturday was really special because my mom, stepfather, grandparents, siblings and kids spent the day together at the beach. Getting us all on the same schedule is close to impossible so it was meaningful to spend an entire day together. We drove down to a little beach in the Keys and then had an oceanfront dinner. 


And, finally, on Sunday we did a bunch of family fun stuff with the Healthy Kids Race and playing outdoors.


It was a fabulous weekend! Hope yours was, too!

xo

Athena

Grayheart & Kids in Disney 

For the last several years, my family and I have done the Disney World marathon weekend since we are annual pass holders. I even went last year even though Grayheart and I were estranged.  (I did my first half marathon last year.)

Typically, one of us would do a race while we have the kids do a kids race.

  
This year, the Disney marathon weekend fell on Grayheart’s weekend with the kids. He invited me to join them. I thought about it. And declined. (I’m not that crazy again.)

And then I panicked thinking he would be alone in Disney world with our 3 yr old son and 6 yr old daughter. 

So I told him that I actually preferred that there be another adult with them. Raggedy Ann.

Yup, I actually asked that the woman who was a part of my breakup with my husband to attend Disney World with my kids.

Why? Because another set of eyes would ensure my kids would be properly watched, cared for, help with bathroom breaks and be the even number for any rides. 

And so she joined them this past weekend for it. And I was okay.

  
I didn’t overthink it. Because if I allowed myself to, I’d probably get worked up and upset for no reason.

Instead, I’m grateful my kids had fun and  back in one piece, safe and sound.

 

Disney Kids Race

 
I’m doing good, friends. I’m really coming to peace with my new life. I’m not fully there yet but I’m getting there. 🙂

XO

PS –  It was glorious, though, hearing Grayheart remark that he has no idea how I did it by myself last month because it was exhausting even with two adults watching over them.

Heh! 

Starting to Shed Some Skin

It’s been a week since I’ve written a post and a bit longer since I actually posted about my interactions with Grayheart.

Two days after our sexcapade, I talked to him about it and advised that we could not do it again.  He was a bit surprised.  Then he commented that the use of condoms was awkward.  I just replied that the whole experience was awkward.  It felt strange sleeping with him without it being love.  He asked me to not rub it in. (Oh well, asshole.)

He was strangely quiet and distant that evening. It seemed as if he’d been rejected and was bothered by it.  (Payback’s a bitch, ain’t it?)

I had a feeling I knew what was coming next…

I’m almost positive he’s back with Raggedy.  Last week he wouldn’t even look me in the eyes.  When he left my house, he would leave in the opposite direction of where he lives.  And he’s a bit more on his phone than he had been in quite some time.  This week just started and he’s a bit better but it’s like we’re in two different worlds.

I don’t feel the same way I did before.  I don’t have that seething fury I carried for so long.  I know what she is to him…a toy.  He needs the emotional validation, the escape from the hurt, the filling of the void. I’m not saying he’s pining for me.  I just realize again how weak he is.  He’ll do anything to avoid the loneliness and numbing pain of the break-up. And that makes me feel better somehow.  But this is not about Raggedy or Grayheart… it’s about meI feel differently towards him.  I haven’t once tried to snoop or pry, I don’t fill my mind with thoughts of what they’re doing, I haven’t done anything to try to interfere with their relationship.  I just don’t care.  I feel like I’m starting to actually move on.  (Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want to run into them together or anything!)

I’ve waited a bit to write this because I was trying to sort out my feelings.  To see if it was a temporary realization.  But I am now ready to say it out loud.  I feel much more…buoyant.  I don’t want Angry Athena to take over my life.  I’m finding strength and happiness in my independence.  Having shed some of that skin has made me feel lighter.

I still have bouts of sadness and nostalgia and regret and all those other lovely emotions that come with divorce BUT I’m not angry with him.  (Well, he’s not my favorite person right now but I’m not the confused/enraged/unsettled/bitter person I have been the last several months.)   And I’m prepared for the inevitable setbacks that come with this process.  But you know what?  Today, my progress feels pretty darn good.

Today’s Mantra:  Here’s to the healing process!  There’s light at the end of the tunnel. 🙂