Happy Divorce Anniversary to Me

I completely missed that a little over a year ago I officially divorced from Grayheart. So happy anniversary to me for that milestone!

It’s been over 3 and a half years since we separated. And as I reflect, I’ve noticed a few things.

  1. I no longer have the “need” or even desire to understand what went wrong. I no longer dissect it or try to make sense of it. He is a selfish man, I married the wrong person, and I now know better.
  2. I’ve learned from my mistakes. I think I was still a good wife but there are many things I could have done better. I am a better partner now. I appreciate things that truly matter. Little things count.
  3. Nothing lasts forever and there’s a sort of comfort you have the first time around that leaves you after a divorce. You no longer sit comfortably thinking you can’t be dethroned. Someone can vow to love you forever but they won’t stick around if you’re no longer lovable. Anyone can be replaced. Sounds negative but I feel like it’s just a more realistic point of view. And it pretty much applies to all in life.
  4. I’m fiercer and less willing to put up with anything I think is beneath me. I refuse to fall into old patterns in relationships.
  5. My bond with my kids is even stronger than I thought possible. I grateful for every moment with them since I now see them less than I would have if I’d had an intact household.
  6. It’s not fair but I have to put in more effort than my ex does when it comes to the kids. I do more and that’s just the way it is. It’s draining at times but whining that life isn’t fair just doesn’t help.
  7. The things that drove me crazy about my ex still annoy the hell out of me. But I don’t have to deal with him in my face every day. I’m free from his darkness.
  8. I no longer feel like I need to be connected somehow to Grayheart. We are not really friends. We are family, I guess? It’s reminiscent of an annoying cousin you care for and would be there for if they need you, but you don’t really talk to often. Every now and then he and I have a good quality conversation, especially about the kids. But I prefer not to be around him.
  9. His life has not drastically improved since we parted. He’s in debt. His weight has fluctuated. He’s changed jobs. He’s no longer friends with the “divorce is awesome” crew that encouraged the single life. He is no longer with Raggedy (she moved to Maryland). He has the kids to truly be proud of but that’s because I take care of everything. He’s screwed up everything around him.
  10. I have moments of frustration and sadness for my children but I haven’t cried about my divorce since the day it was officially confirmed. I think I poured out everything left at that moment. There is magic that happens within the 2 to 3 year mark. You really do heal. If you do it the right way. I faced it, received wonderful counseling, and managed to co-parent well through the worst of it. And somewhere along the way, I found a magnificent man as a partner.

So happy anniversary to me. I won’t “celebrate” it because I no longer define myself by it. It’s old news and I’m too busy moving straight ahead! I wish those of you going through a divorce a ton of strength and faith through the process. It does get better.

xo Athena

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Vows to Myself

Once my ex-husband, Grayheart, decided he was “miserable” with me and left our home after 13 years of being together, I decided I needed to make serious change to my whole self. 


As I reflect back on things I could have done better, I often think about how I let myself go after I had kids. I’ve never been a vain person. I never really cared about being the prettiest or skinniest or most fashionable. I was always the goofy, fun, funny gal. 

But when you are a twenty something year old, it works for you. You don’t have to try to be pretty; you have youth and vigor going for you. When you’re an overweight, graying, cranky, thirty something year old mama… you better think again!

No longer are you considered fresh faced if you go sans make up. Nope. Now you look tired. 

You’re no longer a carefree, rebellious, Sporty Spice type if you wear tanks, cargo shorts and sneakers… Nope again. People then think you are a sloppy, part time trucker and not the sophisticated woman that should be next to your professional man’s side. 

And oohwee! Do not let that white hair show! It was whimsical when I had premature silver strands at the bubbly age of 21. Not even slightly cute when my washed-out-resting-bitch face accompanied roots that made me look like I was part skunk. 

Frankly, I hate the whole dog and pony show because I am very low maintenance. But I’m not a girl that’s naturally pretty without putting effort. So I had to make some changes. Why? Because I needed to look in the mirror and smile back at a person that appeared to care about themself. (I was so disgusted with myself I used to avoid looking in mirrors.) And, let’s be real, who the hell wants to date anyone that looks like someone’s leftovers?!  


So I made myself some vows January 1, 2015:

  • I will not leave the house without earrings, perfume, mascara and lip gloss.
  • I will make better attempts at doing my hair. I shoot for blow drying it weekly. (Which leads me to always having my hair down rather than in a ponytail for Captain.)
  • I will NEVER wear huge Tshirts to bed for my partner. 
  • I will wear either a sexy nightie or nothing to bed with my partner.
  • I will always make an effort to look pretty for my partner. 
  • I will not wear saggy butt jeans. (My sister hated those Old Navy jeans that stretched and sagged after half a day’s wear, lol!)
  • I will exercise at least 4 times a week and keep my weight to something I’m confident and comfortable with.
  • I will always greet my partner with excitement and love when I see  or talk to him on the phone. A smile is the best thing to wear, right?
  • I will keep my nails manicured and feminine.
  • I will always be nicely groomed. I did laser hair removal so gone is the lack of shaving legs or bikini area or underarms! (Whew! What a relief that was! As a Cubana, it was a full time job grooming! Lol!)
  • I will maintain good posture.
  • Finally, I will (try to) sleep more. 

Nothing too crazy here, right?


I am my worst critic. Like, baaaad. I’m not saying this has solved any of my deeper issues but it has helped. Part of feeling good is looking the part. And it has forced me to give myself attention rather than always focusing on everyone else. 

Since I’ve been doing this list, I see the difference in how I carry myself. I am happier and more confident. I’m still a work in progress but now I don’t cringe when I see my reflection. 

Thank you for the awakening, Grayheart. This became my re-birth.

xo

Life with Captain – 6 months!

I thought I’d give an update on my relationship with Captain since a few people have asked me about him…


Captain and I recently celebrated the sixth month anniversary of our first date.  It blows my mind that this relationship is a result of a good online dating match! It was my first time online dating (he had also only been on a short time) and he was my first date!  I know I’m lucky and that this is not usually the case for most people.  And given how many funny things I came across while I was on Match, I can see why! Lol!

I’ve fallen pretty deeply in love with him and feel very loved and fortunate to be in such a healthy, easy relationship.  He’s been my support during tough times and nurtured the wounds that are still tender.  Captain is divorced and I think that really helps. A failed marriage tends to really put things in perspective; at least for those who have used it as a learning experience.

We have opted to wait a bit longer before he meets my kids.  My little She-ra expressed some serious concerns last month regarding mommy and daddy living apart and ever re-marrying.  It was totally out of left field. She was hysterical and it absolutely devastated me.  Grayheart introduced the kids to his whore, Raggedy Ann, shortly before that and I’m certain that affected her.  (She’s been introduced as a “co-worker/friend.”)  That’s a whole other issue… So, I’m waiting on intros with Captain until I feel it’s right for everyone.

In the meantime, I’m loving this cutesy lovey dovey honeymoon stage!  I really look forward to what’s in store for us.

Thank you to all my peeps that have been so supportive and positive with this relationship and my divorce blues. The good juju sent my way has really helped.  It means a lot. 🙂

xoxo – Besitos!

Keys Life 

I’ve been negligent of my blogging duties… It’s been a fun summer. I’ve had my kids all summer long during the day and Grayheart and I continued or arrangement of splitting weekends. During my “time off” from the kids, I mainly spend it in the Keys with Captain. 

Captain usually rents a house each year with some friends for a month in Key West.  I hadn’t been down there in over a decade and forgot just how much fun it is!

 

90 miles to Cuba!


I am very much into outdoor adventures and grew up around the water. So to be out there snorkeling, boating, fishing, bike riding everywhere and just smelling the salt water… Sigh… It was truly relaxing and restorative.

 

Catch & release of a jack!

 

Snorkeling!

  

Snorkeled around mangroves

  

See the little lemon shark?! Saw lots of em!

 
 

By the docks

  

These lil dudes are everywhere!

  

See the tarpon?

 
  I had a fantastic time just relaxing and came back to my kids in such a good mood. It’s amazing what proper rest can do for your soul!

 

Little Palm Island ferry

  

View at brunch

  

Protected key deer

 
By the way, there’s been a lot going on and I’ve had many ups and downs during the divorce process these last few months. It’s certainly not been all roses and daisies. I’m just sometimes too worked up to even write. I will get back on it but, for now, I’m trying to focus on the positive and things that aren’t so heavy. 

xoxo

Friday Night Fun – Sushi & Sunsets

Just a quickie…

  
Captain and I went to dinner at Kaiyo Japanese Grill in Islamorada.  The food was phenomenal!  We then sat by the pier at Morada Bay with some drinks as we watched the sun set.

 
Sometimes I have to pinch myself because I can’t believe how lucky I am. A year ago I was in shambles and now I’m in the most romantic relationship I’ve ever been in and feel incredibly independent.  My life is far from perfect but I’m really working on focusing on “me” since this process started.

  
Besitos y amor to you all!

Mother’s Day Recap

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother’s Day! 

My mother’s day was quite nice.  The kids made me breakfast in bed.  Since they’re only 3 and 6, Grayheart came over and helped them in this endeavor.  My little rugrats then presented me with a cute card and necklace that has their names inscribed on it.  (I love it!)  I was surprised to see that Grayheart, also, gave me a card and some chocolates.  

 
I thought it was a sweet gesture and he was thoughtful with what he wrote.  I’m a damn good mom and I’m glad he recognizes it.  

He left shortly after breakfast and we didn’t talk much but he gets a point for effort.  This is actually the second card he’s gotten me this year.  (I don’t think I mentioned that he got me a birthday card in April.  Not much was written but it was a nice move.)  His birthday is now coming up this week…I guess the question is should I get him a birthday card as well?  

The rest of the day was spent with my wonderful mom, grandmother, kids and rest of my family.  We had a lovely homecooked brunch.   I relaxed and did pretty much nothing most of the day.

Captain came to visit after the kids went to sleep that night.  He brought me sushi and we had our own little picnic.  And oooweeee! Did I get a rockin present that night!  Something to do with whipped cream and dessert… 😉

To all my mommy blog friends out there, I hope you were treated like the queens you are!

Mother’s Day Mantra:  I am Wonder Woman.  I deserve a day off from saving the world! 

  

I’ve resurfaced… here’s an update on what’s been going on!

I have been working daily and come home exhausted so hitting the computer is often the last thing I want to do.  And my thumbs kill me if I try to write an entire post from my phone!  So I’m going to write a mini update on what’s going on in my life.  I apologize in advance if it’s not the highest caliber of writing or the most visually appealing post.

  • It’s been a birthday bonanza!  We’ve celebrated She-ra, me, my mom, my grandfather’s and Captain’s birthday all in the last three weeks!  It’s been an absolute blast but I’m SO over cake!   
  • Grayheart and I are still on amicable terms.  I know he’s still seeing Raggedy.  I just don’t care.  We’ve been working on our divorce paperwork and the only thing that really has me on edge is the custodial arrangement.  He wants 50/50 and I am terrified of that notion. I suppose it’s a good problem to have… A father that adores his kids. But it’s hard to think I wouldn’t have my kids as frequent as I have them now.  He seems to be open now to different possibilities after doing more research on custody scenarios for such young children.
  • Captain – If there was anything in my life right now that could be described as perfect, he would be it.  We’ve seen each other every 2-3 days, had amazing dates (dinners, paint notes, even just sitting in Krispy Kreme parking lot), gone away for a two day trip together to Disney World and Islands of Adventure  (where he asked me to be his girlfriend), and last night he told me that he loves me.  This man is so incredibly sexy and attentive and genuine and kind hearted and loving… I just cannot believe that I’ve been blessed with a man this wonderful to me.  And I actually really really care for him back.  It’s such a nice, easy affectionate relationship.  I think I love him as much as I am capable of right now.  I know he’s worried that he is a rebound relationship for me.  I would like to think this is not true and that we are just incredibly lucky to find each other.  I suppose only time will tell.  I can say, though, that I am the happiest I’ve ever been with a man.  And it’s an amazing feeling.     
  • I’ve not been running more than once a week so I feel like crap. I’m gonna get back on track though. It’s such a yucky feeling and exercising really helps mind, body and soul.
  • My old job (in real estate) contacted me today inquiring as to whether or not I’d be interested in returning in a part time capacity. Not sure how I feel about this since I have virtually no details. I will do lunch with my old boss next week and learn more.   

So there you go! I’ve included some pictures of our dinners and outings.  (Feel free to inquire about any of these.). Lots of stuff in the last 3 weeks.  I know that I’m incredibly lucky and have much to be grateful for.

Today’s Motto:  I’m loved and lucky.  And I really feel like I deserve it.  It’s so nice to be in this phase of life rather than where I was 9 months ago. ❤️