Officially Divorced

I am officially divorced.  Grayheart and I went before a judge last week to legally terminate our marriage.

We sat in court and watched the first set of couples (represented by attorneys) go through the process. The judge was very polite and seemed to be quite thorough in his review of each case. He asked questions if he found anything incorrect in their Marriage Settlement Agreement (MSA),  child support, or parenting plan. If he didn’t, he sped right through his few questions.

    Is your marriage irretrievably broken? Are you currently pregnant? Can you identify the signatures on the agreement? Were you coerced or forced into agreement on the MSA? Are there any assets that need to be decided here today? Did you and your spouse provide each other financial documentation? Are you asking for a former name to be restored? 

    It’s a fairly quick process. After watching a few, I felt comfortable that ours would go well. But it’s a weird, out of body experience. 

    While staring at the couples ahead of us, I mumbled to Grayheart that although I was relieved we were putting an end to this process, it was still…

    Sad. He finished my sentence without looking me in the eye. I stared down at my feet as I knew my eyes were welling up. I heard the shake in his voice. 

    He felt it. He knew it. It was confirmation to me that our life was not completely based on a lie. And in that small statement, I knew he once loved me. And it shouldn’t matter but it helps. I wasn’t in it all these years because I was totally crazy.

    Once it was our turn to be called up, I’d pulled myself together. The judge asked his questions, we answered, they worked on my name change papers… and that was it. Five minutes. Five minutes?

    Done. 

    Divorced.

    We walked out silently. Numb with quiet shock. What do you really say after that? 

    By the time we walked out of the courthouse, I knew I was going to cry. It’s hard to explain why. I welcomed the divorce at this point. I’m happy it’s over. But it’s truly over. After many years of memories and ties, the only tie we now have to each other are the kids. 

    And it’s not a bad thing. It’s just a major thing. 

    I sobbed the whole car ride back home. It was my final goodbye…. it felt right to exorcise that last demon. 

    Farewell to old me. ❤️

    Filed for Divorce

    We finally filed a petition to divorce last week!

    After 2.5 years of separation. (I know, it’s so embarrassing. I cringe saying it.)

    Grayheart announced his misery September 2014 and moved out Nov 2014. It feels like a century ago, but at times it feels like it happened a week ago. Funny how trauma plays tricks on your mind. 

    We went to the courthouse center and filled out a ton of paperwork. It’s obnoxious and tedious and a very tangible reminder of why we’ve procrastinated the process for so long. Divorce (especially with kids) is inconvenient and paper intense! I thought I’d be sadder but I felt pretty ok. Not necessarily cheerful but not glum. It just felt like we were handling business. 


    I’m now waiting on notification of my hearing date. That should take about 30-60 days. I’m hoping it’s sooner than later. I’d like to get it over and done with. 

    And I’d like a divorce celebration. Not a cheesy in-your-face-tacky-I’m-old-pretending-to-be-young-and-fake cool-kind of party. A symbolic and tasteful one. The kind where I bring together loved ones that kept me sane throughout this process and truly thank them for keeping me alive during the death of my marriage. I would love to have them surrounding me as I take my first steps as a “free” woman.

    I’m in a good place. My separation with Grayheart has been amicable and my kids are well. We don’t argue much and tread carefully when it comes to parenting issues. Our efforts to protect the kids from unnecessary stress and pain have been well managed. I feel like I took the shittiest of situations, put my big girl pants on, and persevered. Divorce is a battle of wills and emotions. I refused to let emotions ruin my kids. (I must note that I’m fairly certain that remarkable restraint ages one at a much more accelerated pace than someone who is a loose cannon.)

    I’m not proud of my divorce but I’m proud of how I’ve handled it. And I think I’m the winner because of it.

    Moral of the Story: Divorce does not define me. And I win because I say so. 😉

    I hope you guys are great. I have several updates but I figure this is an important one I should track on my timeline. 

    xo Athena