Captain – One Year Later

Captain and I recently celebrated our one year anniversary. It’s hard to believe that what started as a connection on Match.com has turned into a really wonderful and healthy relationship. 

 
Captain was married once before. His ex-wife suffers from bipolar disorder.  He took care of her and they loved each other a great deal.  At some point, though, she was out of town and had an affair/one-night stand during a manic episode there. She, of course, regretted the indiscretion and hid it for some time.  

Well, we all know the saying: The truth always comes out.  It crushed him when he found out. That was the one and only thing he said he’d never forgive. Captain immediately filed for divorce. The marriage lasted about 3 years and she probably hid her secret for almost a year. He couldn’t forgive her infidelity. He felt as if he’d been played for a fool.

Fidelity, loyalty and trust are important traits for him. The lessons he learned from his divorce have given him a no-nonsense view on what to expect and how to be in a relationship. He’s never played games with me and holds himself to as high of standards as he holds me. I appreciate this and easily follow suit.   

  
Most of you know my story and how my husband, Grayheart, broke my heart.  The separation, albeit tough, was not the most devastating aspect of the whole situation since I’d been unhappy for a long time.  It was the start of the emotional affair with his co-worker whore/later-turned-girlfriend, Raggedy, and the sneakiness that really did me in.  

  
I was pushed out of my comfy, predictable life and all of a sudden thrown into a whirlwind of uncertainties and emotions. I didn’t think I would fall in love again and I, sure as shit, did not think I’d ever trust a man.  I figured I’d casually date for years until one day I’d meet a quality guy I’d like to spend time with. And then the universe knocked me on my ass and connected me with a man that made my heart skip a beat.  

Captain’s past experiences, kindness and love for me really have given me faith.  I believe that there might actually be good and valiant men out there that are capable of cherishing a deserving woman.  I trust this man more with my feelings than I ever have any man.  I grew up hearing that relationships were incredibly hard work.  And so I tolerated so much crap from Grayheart thinking that’s what marriage was. But what if they don’t have to be that hard?  

What if good relationships were meant to navigate the tough times together and keep each other lifted when the outside world threw challenges at you?  

What if you could be two different people but co-exist well together without bringing each other down?

I had moments like that during my marriage but the majority of it was weighed down by Grayheart’s negativity.  But I trucked on… because that’s what marriage was?

I am wiser now, I’d like to think. I value things differently and am a better partner as a result of a failed marriage. I’d like to think that Captain and I work so well together because we both appreciate the things we previously took for granted. I promised myself that I will never put my relationship in cruise control. 

So, if there’s one good thing that’s come out of this experience, it’s not just finding but really appreciating a man like Captain. 

 

How did we celebrate our one year anniversary? We re-did our first date. It was just as magical. This time, though, I took him home with me! 😉

  
Thanks for letting me be gushy. Lol! Here’s to love! 🍾
XO

Last Week in Rewind – Tampa, Spring Break & More Captain

My best friend, Beth, lives in Tampa and recently had a baby.  Unfortunately, there were some complications during the labor and with the baby’s health.  Beth is originally from Miami and does not have family in Tampa.  So as she was recovering from her C-section, I went to Tampa to help her with the daily activities she could not take care of.  What did this mean?  I was Beth’s bitch. 😉

Last week was Spring Break in Miami for public schools.  Rather than take the kids with me, Grayheart stayed with them in Miami.  He’s been traveling so much lately that it kind of was a good way for them to spend quality time together.  Plus, he gets a taste of what I go through on a regular basis!

Prior to my visit to Tampa, I made a detour, headed South and stayed the night with Captain.  When I arrived, he had a lovely bottle of champagne and fresh fruit waiting for me.  We had a nice, casual outing at a burger joint and then hung out at his house.  Needless to say, I needed no caffeine for my drive to Tampa that next morning since I was on such a high!  (Soooo worth the extra hour out of my way!)

The week in Tampa consisted of dropping Beth’s older kids off at their elementary school and then heading over to the NICU to be there with her newborn.  Although it’s pretty mundane to write about, it was a really nice week.  I was able to bond with my best friend during the delicate time, see the baby and spend time with my niece and nephew.  By the end of the week, the baby was doing incredibly well and the hospital staff was floored with his recovery.   (As of today, baby has gone home and is doing very well!)

When I returned from Tampa, Captain came to visit me at my house the night after my arrival.  It sounds so crazy but I tucked the kids into bed, shut their doors, put up the child safety gate to block them from escaping that part of the house and then played hostess once everyone was fast asleep.  I then had the opportunity to greet him with champagne, strawberries and a candlelit bedroom… He left before midnight and the kids continued to sleep soundly in their rooms.  I felt like a sneak with my little at-home rendezvous but what’s a girl to do when she’s limited on babysitting options?

As a side note, I did “hide” my Match profile (a cautious deliberate step prior to deactivating the account) and I found out Captain ended up cancelling his service.  =)   Seemed like a nice move in the right direction.

This Week’s Mantra:   I have decided I’m going to own being a MILF!!! 😉

 

 

Last Week in Rewind – Dating 

The theme for my previous week seems to be “dating.”

I decided to give Julius a chance for a first date since he seemed to be such a nice guy.  I felt a bit guilty because I’d really been talking and seeing Captain quite a bit.

Tuesday – My kids were staying the night with Grayheart – for the first time at his new place! – and I was going to have my first evening home alone.  It was strange…I was looking forward to the break and a night of uninterrupted rest yet a little glum that this divorce milestone had now been reached.

I met Julius up for drinks and dinner at a cafe in a nice part of town.  I was, of course, late.  But only by 10 minutes!  My first impression was that he was a clean-cut, intelligent, good looking man.  He instantly told me I was beautiful and continued with sweet compliments throughout the evening.  (Flattery will get you everywhere with me!)  I felt comfortable with him and could tell he was a nice guy.  

He’s Cuban, divorced and family oriented so we shared plenty in common.  He’s a teacher and seems to be very passionate about what he does.  But he’s looking for a relationship; someone to share his life with.  I just couldn’t picture myself as that person.  I didn’t feel that sizzle with him that I have with Captain.  I quickly ended the night after we were done with dinner and then prayed he didn’t try to kiss me.  Which I knew right there was a bad sign.  He asked to see me again while we exchanged our good-byes.  I didn’t have the heart to say no. (I know, I suck.  I just have a hard time hurting people’s feelings.).  I didn’t commit to an actual date but I left it open as a possibility.

The restaurant we went to, by the way, had some great quotes on the restroom walls!   

 

I did not tell Captain about my date with Julius but on Wednesday we got into the topic of dating since I had another date scheduled with a different guy (Sonny).  And I thought it fair to share it with him at this point.  

Yeah, that didn’t go so well. 

Captain was like “Oh, ok, sure. Go ahead and date.”  I could tell that he was not pleased.  Part of me – okay, most of me – told him just to see what his reaction would be.  Just to see if he was dating others (which he advised he was not) and if he cared if I would.  He cares.  And without having to outright ask it of me, I told him I was not interested in spending my limited time out with a bunch of random guys if I knew I enjoyed spending time with him.  Not that we are looking to move fast or have a serious relationship but I don’t want to be sleeping around or trying to balance multiple men if I really am having fun with a particular guy.  (Note to self: Change my Match profile to “hidden”.)

Thursday –  So I cancelled my date with Sonny.  And met with Captain for dinner.   We met up midway and had dinner at a really fun kitschy restaurant that I’d heard about called “White Lion Cafe.”

 

We had such a great time!  I swear, just being near him makes me want to devour him.  Damn guy has crazy sex appeal and we just have the best chemistry together.  And it’s not just physical with us.  We talk and have fun and seem to really enjoy being around each other.  

And since I’ve been in a naughty mood as of late, I’ll share that we ended our night getting busy in the back of his truck. 😏

Don’t judge me.  Yes, I know I’ve regressed into a teenaged girl.  Let me have my fun! 😉

Friday came and I needed to recover!

Saturday – Captain asked me to lunch and drove up to Miami to see me.  We had a fantastic lunch and then went to a nearby mall to walk around and shop.  

My kids were with my parents so I invited him back to my house.  Which I felt slightly strange about but I really wanted to get rid of the ghost of Grayheart in my house.  I could tell Captain felt a bit awkward about it as well while there.  He later shared that he was uncomfortable and felt like he was disrespecting another man’s house.  As much as I appreciate and understand the sentiment,  it annoyed me.  Captain didn’t annoy me.  Grayheart annoyed me.  (I need to speed up my damn divorce process.)

That night I went to my girlfriend’s house for a St. Patrick themed party.  There were about 7 couples and their kids as well as me and mine.  Kids played in the backyard and adults drank and ate.  We had a fantastic time.  Great hosts, great company, great food… just a great night altogether.  

It was a good week, friends!  Mama is getting her groove back! 😉

Mantra that week:  Who says you can’t have a life after divorce?

Friday Night Fun – First Date with Captain

OMG!

I had the BEST first date experience with Captain of Match!

Let me back up though and just share how the night started.

Remember my things to do list?  Massive fail.  My hair was great but the manicurist who did my mani/pedi was blind as a bat and took forever to do my nails.  Which set off a chain reaction and eventually caused me to be almost 30 minutes late!

I rushed through my beautification process and threw on make up and got dressed.  And smudged my nails in the process.  So the very thing that made me late was completely a waste of time because I RUINED it!

I threw everything in my car into my trunk.  (I’m afraid to open it for fear of it spitting it all back out at me!)  And drove like a mad woman to the place.

I looked nice but it wasn’t my ‘A’ game.  It was like my ‘B’ game.  And I absolutely loathe being in a hurry.  So I was frazzled and nervous as hell when I parked.  Terrible first impression if your date is already 25 minutes late.  (Mind you, he drove an hour and twenty minutes to see me.)

Our plan was to meet at World of Beer.  I felt like it was a safe bet because if it went poorly, we would have our drinks and leave.  If it went well, we could continue on with dinner in the area.

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The moment I walked up to the beer bar, I saw him seated outside and was floored by how handsome he was!  He was cuter than his pictures! Dark hair, twinkly brown eyes, clean and neat appearance… not to mention what looked like a nice, hard bod underneath it all.  Swoon!!!

I walked up with a big smile, swinging my hips and let my long hair flow freely so that he could really feel my presence as I walked up. We gave each other a big hug hello and then sat down.

Nerves kicked in!

This is where my foot-in-mouth disease commenced.  And my clumsiness.  And the freaking inability of mine to not talk with my hands at rapid speed (condition exacerbated with nerves).

I couldn’t at first look him in the eyes because I felt like he was staring and that makes me über self conscious.  I busied myself with the menu and was just talking nonsense.  In which I kicked the wobbly table as I tried to cross my legs.  Teeter totter, teeter totter (when is it going to stop?!).  When my drink arrived, I spilled it. Twice.  He was actually laughing at me at this point.  And called me out on my nervousness!  (I’m crimson at this point.). But he kept saying he loved it because it put him at ease.

We chatted and had nice steady conversation.   Unfortunately, he did ask about my divorce, which I’m really  still separated, and expressed dissatisfaction that I was still legally married.  He has been divorced for about 5 years now.  His wife cheated on him.  He seems to be huge on honesty – which I love – since he was obviously very hurt by the infidelity.  We quickly changed topics and moved on to other things.

Very soon into the date, he asked if I was interested in dinner later in the evening.  (YES! And dessert…my brain and loins screamed!)  We finished our beer at WOB and then stopped by a bar at a nearby Italian restaurant to grab a glass of wine.  We were sitting pretty close to each other at the bar so that our legs were touching side by side.  I was feeling much more comfortable and chill at this point.  I wasn’t knocking down anything or tripping.  There was lots of music playing and you all know how I love to dance.  There was no dancing but I couldn’t stop from feeling like I was in a groove.

We held hands as we walked to the little Cuban restaurant in the area.  We had a great dinner and the convo was flirty and fun.  After dinner we walked around the town center (over this adorable bridge in which my heels got stuck in… why was I born with no grace?!) back to the bar at the Italian restaurant and had another glass of wine.  At this point we were sitting on the stools very closely facing each other.  Our legs were practically intertwined and he was playing with my hair and rubbing my arms.  (My ovaries were about to burst from damn excitement!)

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Finally, sometime after 1 a.m. he walked me back to my car.  We were saying our good-byes and all I know is I somehow ended up pressed against my car as he was kissing me.  That probably lasted about 15-20 minutes (I was good; all we did was kiss!) and I felt like I was REBORN!  Despite feeling disoriented, dazed and high as hell, I somehow managed the drive back home.  I should, also, mention that the moment I got in the car, he sent me a text message that said “you’re amazing.”

Cupid, I’ve been struck.
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First Date Things to Do List

First date tonight with Captain from Match!

The smile on my face today extends from ear to ear! And I haven’t even met the guy yet! It is just so exciting since I haven’t gone on a date with anyone but Grayheart in over a decade!

Here’s the thing, I’m not nervous that it won’t go well. I am a people person. I love getting to know new people. I am confident that my personality tends to win people over. I can work with the most difficult of characters. I don’t mean this in a conceited way… I just think people are my “thing.” Even if I don’t like Captain or he doesn’t like me, just the fun of getting ready and getting to meet a new friend is enough for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I am hopeful that we have a good connection and he likes me so it’s time to bring out my A game! I gotta pull out the Miami swag, Cuban flair and female wiles I was born with!

Look at all the crap I have to do! Beyoncé may have woken up “Flawless” but I sure as hell didn’t! My to do list:

Get my hair blow dried. Done!
– Mani/pedi (In process!)
– Fix my eyebrows
– Get my car cleaned because it looks like my kids use the car seats as plates (for the record, we are meeting there but just in case he walks me to my car, I DO NOT want him to run away in fear of Hurricane Andrew Part II).
– Exfoliate my skin
– Shave my legs
– Lotion up so I’m not ashy (dry skin sucks!)
– Obsess over every imperfection, line, extraneous hair… $&@#%!
– Make sure my outfit is on point… Just enough boobage, tight skinny jeans, HIGH heels… (Thank God for push up bras, I’d just like to say here.)
– Make-up needs to say sexy but not overdone.
– Jewelry … Can’t look like a gypsy. Sometimes we overdo it with hoops and bangles…
– Smell like a million bucks!
– Pack my purse (gum, makeup, mase, money, keys, ID, extra deodorant, wipes, perfume, lotion, floss, toothbrush/paste… I know, I know, I’m overdoing it but you never be too prepared?)
– Leave the house with the confidence of Beyoncé!

Whew! I’m exhausted just reciting it!

Key here: Make it look like it was an effortless appearance! (Yes, men… I know, we women are such liars.)

I will walk up to him like I am comfortable in my own skin and “woke up like this… Flawless!”

Unless he stands me up. LOL!

If that happens, I’ll continue my Friday Night Fun tradition of going to that bar I usually go to with my friend, Jazz!

Wish me luck! (And let me know if I missed anything!)

Xoxo

Online Dating… Normal(ish) Guys

I’ve joked quite a bit about some of the funny things I’ve seen while on Match.  But there have been a few guys I’ve allowed to get to door number 2.

Julius – Nice guy. Teacher.  Normal looking. Smart.  In his early 40s.  Divorced with no kids.  He’s looking for a real girlfriend.  I talk to him since he seems like a sincere guy.  I’ll eventually grab drinks with him but I’m not there yet.  Just not interested enough to take it there.  Though he’s very eager to meet.

Arizona –  Cute.  Mid-Thirties.  Cocky.  Never been married and no kids.  So this guy is heavy on the compliments but pretty much let me know that since I don’t have a lot of time to date, I needed a lover.  Him, of course.  Proceeded to send me a bathroom selfie of him with his towel waaay low.  I haven’t really followed back up with him but I do get several “hey sexy” text messages.  I haven’t totally written him off because if I can’t handle my 2015 year of celibacy, I have a decent contender for the job.

FireFighter – Super hot guy!  40.  Divorced with kids.  He lives about 45 minutes away and is tall, dark and handsome… Although I’d take him for me in a minute, I have a gorgeous single friend that lives in his same city and she’d look perfect with him!  He seemed nice so… I sent him today her picture in hopes I could hook them up! LOL!  Yes, I’m now playing matchmaker on a matchmaking service.

And here’s the one I’m actually excited about…

Captain – Handsome, laid back and cool. Owns charter fishing business.  Late 30s.  Divorced with no kids. He lives in the Keys so he’s about an hour away from where I am.  I’ve really enjoyed talking to him!  He’s been respectful, fun, funny and eager to meet.  So I’m going on my first Match date!  Shoot, first date altogether!

We are set to meet up this evening.  Drinks and then possibly dinner if all goes well.  Crossing my fingers it’s fun!  I am soooo looking forward to my first date since being dumped by my own husband.  I’ll keep y’all posted!  Wish me luck!

Online Dating – Three Weeks into it!

I’ve been on Match now three weeks.  Three weeks almost feels like an eternity.  I feel as if I’ve seen all the available “Match” men in South Florida.  So what initially was a tool for potential dates is now a form of entertainment for me and my girlfriends (and my blogging buds!).  Here’s what I’ve learned up to this point:


I can’t keep track of these guys. It’s not because I’m sooo popular (I promise, I’m not humblebragging); it’s that you see a picture of a person and may read their profile and then there’s a hundred other guys with similar things on their profile or a similar look. Some just don’t stand out and if you have a terrible memory like I do, fuggedaboutit!  A spreadsheet like my friend, Oh2bhuman, recommended is not a bad idea at all..

I’ve been approached by a few guys that live out of the area.  Seems like they want a booty call when they come in to Miami.  Not a bad idea on their part.  I was just surprised by the concept of people from GA, NY or TX messaging me even though I live in Miami.

I’ve now pissed off a few people.  One guy so kindly wrote me after he didn’t get a reply to one of his messages:

The decisions we make are true reflections of who we are inside…thank you for passing judgment on me before knowing who I am.” (Seriously, dude, get your passive aggressive ass steppin!)

Some guys actually message you multiple times with the SAME message.  Over and over and over again.  I can’t figure out this tactic.  Is it they forget they’ve messaged you?  Are they purposely being annoying?  Do they think I’m dumb?  One guy has sent me this message 4 times within the last three weeks!

“Hi. Cinderella has nothing on you. Hope the slipper fits. Talk to you soon.”  (No, homie, you will not be talking to me soon.  You have no game, lame lines and are already annoying?  Nope, nope, nope.)

There are poets on Match!  Or maybe this one is a life coach and a poet?  Either way, another dude that sent 4 messages within 24 hrs!

“Life is to be shared with someone YOU hold precious.  Therefore — in short, I believe life is an acronym meaning:  Love Inside Fully Expressed.  So, please, start (your life) everyday by expressively showing the love you deserve – then if desired; that [someone] will come.  Remember — dont’ forget to SMILE… you wear it well. (Crickets.  I can soooo hear my bud, Skipah, warning me to run fast!)

Finally, a Public Service Announcement To All Men On Match!

If your profile picture has:

* You in sunglasses = You have something to hide and must therefore not be cute. (Hats can fall into this category as well.)
*You looking half asleep = I know you don’t have any friends.
*You with a bunch of sexy women around you = I know that you try too hard and are lame.
*No profile pic = You must be married or in a relationship.  Not wasting my time with you, buh-bye!
*You in a bunch of bathroom selfies half naked = You’d likely send me a dick pic soon after interacting so… no thanks, douchebag.  Save it for Twitter’s #EggplantFriday if you want that kind of attention.


I don’t know if it’s because I have a weird sense of humor but online dating has been a hoot!   I’ll do a follow up post soon about the normal guys I’ve actually met on here.  These are so much more fun, though!  😉