Vows to Myself

Once my ex-husband, Grayheart, decided he was “miserable” with me and left our home after 13 years of being together, I decided I needed to make serious change to my whole self. 


As I reflect back on things I could have done better, I often think about how I let myself go after I had kids. I’ve never been a vain person. I never really cared about being the prettiest or skinniest or most fashionable. I was always the goofy, fun, funny gal. 

But when you are a twenty something year old, it works for you. You don’t have to try to be pretty; you have youth and vigor going for you. When you’re an overweight, graying, cranky, thirty something year old mama… you better think again!

No longer are you considered fresh faced if you go sans make up. Nope. Now you look tired. 

You’re no longer a carefree, rebellious, Sporty Spice type if you wear tanks, cargo shorts and sneakers… Nope again. People then think you are a sloppy, part time trucker and not the sophisticated woman that should be next to your professional man’s side. 

And oohwee! Do not let that white hair show! It was whimsical when I had premature silver strands at the bubbly age of 21. Not even slightly cute when my washed-out-resting-bitch face accompanied roots that made me look like I was part skunk. 

Frankly, I hate the whole dog and pony show because I am very low maintenance. But I’m not a girl that’s naturally pretty without putting effort. So I had to make some changes. Why? Because I needed to look in the mirror and smile back at a person that appeared to care about themself. (I was so disgusted with myself I used to avoid looking in mirrors.) And, let’s be real, who the hell wants to date anyone that looks like someone’s leftovers?!  


So I made myself some vows January 1, 2015:

  • I will not leave the house without earrings, perfume, mascara and lip gloss.
  • I will make better attempts at doing my hair. I shoot for blow drying it weekly. (Which leads me to always having my hair down rather than in a ponytail for Captain.)
  • I will NEVER wear huge Tshirts to bed for my partner. 
  • I will wear either a sexy nightie or nothing to bed with my partner.
  • I will always make an effort to look pretty for my partner. 
  • I will not wear saggy butt jeans. (My sister hated those Old Navy jeans that stretched and sagged after half a day’s wear, lol!)
  • I will exercise at least 4 times a week and keep my weight to something I’m confident and comfortable with.
  • I will always greet my partner with excitement and love when I see  or talk to him on the phone. A smile is the best thing to wear, right?
  • I will keep my nails manicured and feminine.
  • I will always be nicely groomed. I did laser hair removal so gone is the lack of shaving legs or bikini area or underarms! (Whew! What a relief that was! As a Cubana, it was a full time job grooming! Lol!)
  • I will maintain good posture.
  • Finally, I will (try to) sleep more. 

Nothing too crazy here, right?


I am my worst critic. Like, baaaad. I’m not saying this has solved any of my deeper issues but it has helped. Part of feeling good is looking the part. And it has forced me to give myself attention rather than always focusing on everyone else. 

Since I’ve been doing this list, I see the difference in how I carry myself. I am happier and more confident. I’m still a work in progress but now I don’t cringe when I see my reflection. 

Thank you for the awakening, Grayheart. This became my re-birth.

xo

City of Siblings

I was in the City of Angels last week with my sister visiting our brother and his husband. (The kids stayed backed in Miami with Grayheart since it was his weekend.)

It was a fun and relaxing trip. We hadn’t gotten together like this since our Europe trip in Sept/Oct of last year. 

I figured I’d share some of the fun things we did while here. 🙂

doggy

How we were greeted! 😍

Palm Springs living!

venice beach

Being silly on Venice Beach

tmz tour, los angeles

TMZ tour

beverly hills, 90210

90210

los angeles, chinese theater

Chinese Theater

hollywood, robin williams

My fave actor/comedian’s star

breakfast, french toast, nutella

Nutella French toast for breakfast

bachata , dancing

Bachata dancing

In-n-Out Burger! Yum!

My sis at Sweet Candy Store

It was a nice little getaway and
really great bonding time with my siblings.
Makes me proud that even in our thirties we still make time for each other. I hope my kids are just as close to each other as we are. It’s really a special thing to have siblings. 

I can’t wait for the next reunion! ❤️

xo

Captain’s Mama

I have now met Captain’s mom and stepfather a few times. They were here last month and met my kids for the second time.

They were wonderful with the kids and great houseguests the couple of days they were in town with us.

We had them over for a big Cuban dinner and then my own mom and stepfather stopped by. We had such a great time! We all talked and laughed and got on incredibly well.

Captain’s mom was so sweet to get us all a cake since she wasnt around for bdays!


Captain looked very proud to show off to his family what he had here. It was as if this was his family, his home… HIS.

Family time with Captain’s mom

And it made me really proud. I had such doubt at the beginning of our relationship about his ability to blend with my family. And yet I’m watching it all with my very own eyes progress in such a natural way. 

At Pinecrest Gardens… I took the photo of the gang!

 

Aren’t these Banyan trees marvelous?!


Pretty damn cool. 🙂

Lemonade 🍋 & Infidelity

Even Beyoncé is not safe from a cheating spouse. 

I’m referring to her new album, Lemonade, in which she refers to infidelity and issues in what we can assume is her marriage. See this article if you want a summary. 

 
I don’t know the whole story and most is just conjecture. It seems that Beyoncé ultimately forgives Jay-Z and opts to stick with him and keep her family together, etc.  

  
But what really got me about this whole thing is just how the Internet exploded with such disdain for the alleged “side chick”, Rachel Roy. Beyonce’s fans went ballistic with the ballsy comment Roy left on her social media account. They left all kinds of nasty comments and emojis showing unity with Queen Bey (🍋🐝). 

  
And although I don’t support the bullying tactics or even dumb comments, it was refreshing to see that people still find it wrong to be the “other woman” or to even gloat about it. (I’m not even going to touch on the fact that Jay-Z is an ass and I hope has shame over the situation.) There’s nothing cool about infidelity. And I think there’s been a trend lately to just accept that it happens and get over it.

And then there’s an even bigger trend to actually leave your partner for these side hoes! Did this happen as often twenty or thirty years ago? Were people more conservative and caring of others’ judgments then? Am I just noticing it more now because my husband cheated and left our marriage?

I don’t know if the whole Beyoncé thing is a publicity stunt or her truly wanting to get these feelings off her chest. She’s making millions off of it and somehow even Rachel Roy is profiting. (You know what they say, no such thing as bad publicity.) So I might be a fool for discussing it but the whole debaucle really struck a nerve. More than it should have.

Marriage should be sacred. And respected by all. Not just the two married.

  
But as a funny side note, did y’all see the dummies that were harassing Rachael Ray? I lost my shit laughing at some of the comments!!

   
   

Sorry for the messy thoughts… xo

Spontaneity

What do you do when your city is hot as Hades but the sky is bright and the most gorgeous shade of blue?

You grab a cooler, pack sandwiches and take the kiddos to la playa

It was my weekend with the kids and I wanted to do something fun so I took the hour drive to Islamorada! There’s a little beach there that’s really family friendly and quiet. 

  


 

We met Captain after work at the marina. (How nice to have that as his “office”, right?) And then decided to have a pizza dinner at his house. The kids were thrilled as they had never been to his place before. It was fun seeing him entertaining my brood on his turf.

(And it was especially fun hearing the tinge of jealousy in Grayheart’s voice as the kids relayed their day to him.)

It was a wonderful weekend for a number of reasons but the beach was the highlight! I have to remember to be more spontaneous with the kids!

☀️❤️🏖

Collateral Damage

When your kids are sad – and I don’t mean mad or annoyed – but downright sad, it breaks your heart in a way you can’t even explain. You feel like your whole body is lead. Just heavy and dull and blah. Your brain kinda fogs up and you can’t think straight.

I’ve been in a bit of a funk since my little She-ra (7 yr old) had a difficult time the other night when I dropped her off at Daddy’s (aka Grayheart’s) house. She didn’t want to be there, didn’t want to leave me, etc. She does this frequently. Not as much lately but I figure that coming off of the weekend with me was certainly not going to have her want to leave her cozy home to start the weekend with him. (My almost 4 yr old son, though, has no issues.)

So I always leave feeling crummy. She clings to me and cries and begs. And it sucks. 

She usually gets over it soon thereafter and Grayheart normally texts me to let me know all is good. 

But this time she took a bit longer to recover. She wailed to him how unfair this whole set up is. She wanted to be at her home. Not his

So he patiently listened to her as she complained that the divorce is the cause of him not being at home. And that she doesn’t understand it, doesn’t like it and wishes he’d just move back in. 

What do you say to that?! I mean, honestly, you respond with the typical explanation: how it’s this way for a reason, blah, blah, blah… but she’s right. Divorce sucks. She’s been put in a position where she has to split her time between the two adults she loves the absolute most. And since she’s 7, she remembers having an intact household. (Whereas my son doesn’t.)

So he talked her through it – and did a nice job, I must admit – and she recovered. But it’s moments like this that just pop out of nowhere – even a year and a half later – that throw you off. That even though they’re “ok” and “doing well”, kids are collateral damage. And that is depressing.

My friend, TheEuphoricIraqiSingleMom, brought up recently the topic of staying in a loveless marriage in regards to a friend of hers. I’ve thought about it before. How much would I be willing to sacrifice to make sure my kids had an intact, whole family? Could I ever get back with Grayheart just for the kids? Could I ever forgive what he’s done to me? Could I pretend I love him just to make sure I could be with my kids all the time? 

And the answer is, I can’t. I don’t see him the same. I don’t love him like I once did. He actually repulses me, in a way. I know I’d never get back with him but sometimes I’m disappointed in myself because it seems selfish. I know from a logical standpoint that I’m being silly, but that little voice loves to taunt me at times. Especially when I have a setback with my kids.

Anyway, darling daughter is fine now and hasn’t brought up any concerns…and seemed to have a lovely weekend with her father. So, I’m guessing this is normal.

Nonetheless, divorce sucks. 

xo

Athena