That dreadful F word… Finances

I spent a good part of last Thursday afternoon sobbing over an argument with my ex. Grayheart and I got into a conversation about our divorce paperwork and financial declarations. 

(Backstory: Grayheart and I lived in Virginia when we married. We then moved back to my hometown, Miami, to be close to my family. We rented out our home in Virginia and bought a home in Miami. We sold our VA house late last year and put a portion of the earnings away for the estimated capital gains tax. This money was put aside in our joint savings account with the agreement we wouldn’t touch it.

I’ve never been worried about Grayheart not being financially responsible. (Roll your eyes now.) So I didn’t really keep tabs on the money. 

So when he filed our 2015 taxes, he advised that taxes came in a bit over what we estimated by a few grand and that he put that overage on a payment plan that he’d pay. Didn’t think much of it. 

Two weeks ago I get a letter from the IRS. I wondered if I was being audited!

Nope.

The IRS confirming the $800 per month payment plan! (Omg!) I inquire further with Grayheart… and then he starts gas lighting me!

– I told you about this!

– It’s no big deal. Don’t see why you’re making such a big deal about this!

I used the money. Yea, I told you! 

Where’d the money go? To pay your mortgage and child support!

I was so pissed at him, I hung up on him. 

He later apologized, of course, and said he was juggling a lot of balls and thought he told me. Bullshit

I drop it. Still thinking it was like $4K over what we’d put aside. And that he’d only used a portion of the savings.)

Fast forward to last Thursday now:

Me: I’m very concerned that you won’t have the extra $800 per month to pay the IRS. And my name is attached to this!

Him: Why? Have you ever known me to be fiscally irresponsible? 

Me: You’ve been lamenting that you have little money to pay your own expenses while paying child support and my mortgage. How long exactly is this $800 supposed to be in place for? 

Him: Uh. Well, as long as it takes to pay $20K off!

Me: (I literally lose my shit) WHAT THE FUCK?! TWENTY GRAND?!?! You spent ALL the money we put aside??!!

He patronizes me, gaslights me, tries to act like it’s no big deal.

But we all know it’s a big deal. Who wants to be on the hook to the federal government for that much money? Something I had responsibly put money aside for yet was not consulted on how to use it!

I hang up on him because I can’t even think at this point. His attempts to trivialize the conversation were too much for me to handle.

Ten minutes later I get an email from him:

I paid the tax bill on my personal credit card. Receipt attached. I was trying to avoid the $300 convenience fee and the interest charges on my credit card, but I’ll pay it.

You no longer have a tax liability. And you no longer have to worry about how I am going to pay it. The only thing you need to worry about me paying is the child support payment. Which after rent, is my #1 payment priority.

All that crap for it to just… be over.

I cried and cried. 

He solved my problem at this point. But it was bigger than that. He didn’t consult with me, he’s in debt, this is a major stressor which could cause him to have a heart attack… no one here is winning. Had he just spoken to me about it a while ago, we could have strategized a solution. 

Then add in my frustrations on being manipulated and patronized, my disappointment with him, my uneasiness over the financial mess and the divorce-really-sucks-ass blues, I was a blubbering mess for hours. I hadn’t cried like this in quite a bit.

So as much as I try to keep a really positive attitude about it all, there are times when things hit me and I can’t recover as gracefully as I’d like. I bounced back the next day and have been fine since. But man oh man, am I looking forward to the day we don’t really have these financial ties to each other.

And yes damn it! I will get divorced soon! Lol!

xo

(Sorry for the long post. Thanks for hanging in there while I vented!)

Weekend in Rewind – Swing dancing, Siblings & Sand

Hey friends! 

I hadn’t done a Friday Night Fun post or Weekend in Rewind in quite some time. It was such a nice weekend, I just had to share!

My brother was in town visiting from LA and he had not seen my kids in almost a year so they were stuck to him like glue! 

Here’s an awful face swap of my daughter and bro that is so scary, she nearly cried when she saw it! LMAO!

For the record, my kid nor my brother look anything like this disaster! lol!

Friday night was a good friend of mine’s bday. And she wanted to go swing dancing! Didn’t have to tell me twice!



Trés cool… Took me a bit but I started to get the hang of it. I’m signing up for lessons I loved it so much! 🙂

Wanna hear the crazy part about this place? First, it’s called Toe Jam Backlot. So it’s a weird name. Second, it’s where I went out Dec 2014 my first night out post separation and cried my damn eyes out. It was neat to reflect how I felt at that low point. Hard to believe that a year & a half later I was actually swing dancing with strangers in the same spot and having a ball! Major victory here for me. 


Saturday was really special because my mom, stepfather, grandparents, siblings and kids spent the day together at the beach. Getting us all on the same schedule is close to impossible so it was meaningful to spend an entire day together. We drove down to a little beach in the Keys and then had an oceanfront dinner. 


And, finally, on Sunday we did a bunch of family fun stuff with the Healthy Kids Race and playing outdoors.


It was a fabulous weekend! Hope yours was, too!

xo

Athena

Vows to Myself

Once my ex-husband, Grayheart, decided he was “miserable” with me and left our home after 13 years of being together, I decided I needed to make serious change to my whole self. 


As I reflect back on things I could have done better, I often think about how I let myself go after I had kids. I’ve never been a vain person. I never really cared about being the prettiest or skinniest or most fashionable. I was always the goofy, fun, funny gal. 

But when you are a twenty something year old, it works for you. You don’t have to try to be pretty; you have youth and vigor going for you. When you’re an overweight, graying, cranky, thirty something year old mama… you better think again!

No longer are you considered fresh faced if you go sans make up. Nope. Now you look tired. 

You’re no longer a carefree, rebellious, Sporty Spice type if you wear tanks, cargo shorts and sneakers… Nope again. People then think you are a sloppy, part time trucker and not the sophisticated woman that should be next to your professional man’s side. 

And oohwee! Do not let that white hair show! It was whimsical when I had premature silver strands at the bubbly age of 21. Not even slightly cute when my washed-out-resting-bitch face accompanied roots that made me look like I was part skunk. 

Frankly, I hate the whole dog and pony show because I am very low maintenance. But I’m not a girl that’s naturally pretty without putting effort. So I had to make some changes. Why? Because I needed to look in the mirror and smile back at a person that appeared to care about themself. (I was so disgusted with myself I used to avoid looking in mirrors.) And, let’s be real, who the hell wants to date anyone that looks like someone’s leftovers?!  


So I made myself some vows January 1, 2015:

  • I will not leave the house without earrings, perfume, mascara and lip gloss.
  • I will make better attempts at doing my hair. I shoot for blow drying it weekly. (Which leads me to always having my hair down rather than in a ponytail for Captain.)
  • I will NEVER wear huge Tshirts to bed for my partner. 
  • I will wear either a sexy nightie or nothing to bed with my partner.
  • I will always make an effort to look pretty for my partner. 
  • I will not wear saggy butt jeans. (My sister hated those Old Navy jeans that stretched and sagged after half a day’s wear, lol!)
  • I will exercise at least 4 times a week and keep my weight to something I’m confident and comfortable with.
  • I will always greet my partner with excitement and love when I see  or talk to him on the phone. A smile is the best thing to wear, right?
  • I will keep my nails manicured and feminine.
  • I will always be nicely groomed. I did laser hair removal so gone is the lack of shaving legs or bikini area or underarms! (Whew! What a relief that was! As a Cubana, it was a full time job grooming! Lol!)
  • I will maintain good posture.
  • Finally, I will (try to) sleep more. 

Nothing too crazy here, right?


I am my worst critic. Like, baaaad. I’m not saying this has solved any of my deeper issues but it has helped. Part of feeling good is looking the part. And it has forced me to give myself attention rather than always focusing on everyone else. 

Since I’ve been doing this list, I see the difference in how I carry myself. I am happier and more confident. I’m still a work in progress but now I don’t cringe when I see my reflection. 

Thank you for the awakening, Grayheart. This became my re-birth.

xo

City of Siblings

I was in the City of Angels last week with my sister visiting our brother and his husband. (The kids stayed backed in Miami with Grayheart since it was his weekend.)

It was a fun and relaxing trip. We hadn’t gotten together like this since our Europe trip in Sept/Oct of last year. 

I figured I’d share some of the fun things we did while here. 🙂

doggy

How we were greeted! 😍

Palm Springs living!

venice beach

Being silly on Venice Beach

tmz tour, los angeles

TMZ tour

beverly hills, 90210

90210

los angeles, chinese theater

Chinese Theater

hollywood, robin williams

My fave actor/comedian’s star

breakfast, french toast, nutella

Nutella French toast for breakfast

bachata , dancing

Bachata dancing

In-n-Out Burger! Yum!

My sis at Sweet Candy Store

It was a nice little getaway and
really great bonding time with my siblings.
Makes me proud that even in our thirties we still make time for each other. I hope my kids are just as close to each other as we are. It’s really a special thing to have siblings. 

I can’t wait for the next reunion! ❤️

xo

Captain’s Mama

I have now met Captain’s mom and stepfather a few times. They were here last month and met my kids for the second time.

They were wonderful with the kids and great houseguests the couple of days they were in town with us.

We had them over for a big Cuban dinner and then my own mom and stepfather stopped by. We had such a great time! We all talked and laughed and got on incredibly well.

Captain’s mom was so sweet to get us all a cake since she wasnt around for bdays!


Captain looked very proud to show off to his family what he had here. It was as if this was his family, his home… HIS.

Family time with Captain’s mom

And it made me really proud. I had such doubt at the beginning of our relationship about his ability to blend with my family. And yet I’m watching it all with my very own eyes progress in such a natural way. 

At Pinecrest Gardens… I took the photo of the gang!

 

Aren’t these Banyan trees marvelous?!


Pretty damn cool. 🙂

Lemonade 🍋 & Infidelity

Even Beyoncé is not safe from a cheating spouse. 

I’m referring to her new album, Lemonade, in which she refers to infidelity and issues in what we can assume is her marriage. See this article if you want a summary. 

 
I don’t know the whole story and most is just conjecture. It seems that Beyoncé ultimately forgives Jay-Z and opts to stick with him and keep her family together, etc.  

  
But what really got me about this whole thing is just how the Internet exploded with such disdain for the alleged “side chick”, Rachel Roy. Beyonce’s fans went ballistic with the ballsy comment Roy left on her social media account. They left all kinds of nasty comments and emojis showing unity with Queen Bey (🍋🐝). 

  
And although I don’t support the bullying tactics or even dumb comments, it was refreshing to see that people still find it wrong to be the “other woman” or to even gloat about it. (I’m not even going to touch on the fact that Jay-Z is an ass and I hope has shame over the situation.) There’s nothing cool about infidelity. And I think there’s been a trend lately to just accept that it happens and get over it.

And then there’s an even bigger trend to actually leave your partner for these side hoes! Did this happen as often twenty or thirty years ago? Were people more conservative and caring of others’ judgments then? Am I just noticing it more now because my husband cheated and left our marriage?

I don’t know if the whole Beyoncé thing is a publicity stunt or her truly wanting to get these feelings off her chest. She’s making millions off of it and somehow even Rachel Roy is profiting. (You know what they say, no such thing as bad publicity.) So I might be a fool for discussing it but the whole debaucle really struck a nerve. More than it should have.

Marriage should be sacred. And respected by all. Not just the two married.

  
But as a funny side note, did y’all see the dummies that were harassing Rachael Ray? I lost my shit laughing at some of the comments!!

   
   

Sorry for the messy thoughts… xo