Nature nerd/Dog mama/Tired gal

It’s been a long time since I’ve actually set time aside to share on this site. In many ways, there’s just been too much to unpack in the last year and a half, my life has settled into a lull of boringness that comes with finding love and stability, and sometimes I’m just too tired or busy to actually set time aside for another chore. What’s sad about that, though, is that when you look back to what you have written in the past, you realize it’s a beautiful chronicle of your life and you’re currently missing out on the chance to record your thoughts and feelings on important milestones and events.

Covid- thankfully we’ve avoided getting it (famous last words…) We’ve managed to be respectful of quarantine, find new hobbies and still manage to work around it.

Work- I just wrapped up the school year teaching and yes it was crazy. I was wholeheartedly glad to be back teaching in person because from home truly sucked. I needed to be at school to help kids and thankfully we did everything possible to do it safely. I never want to repeat a year like this again though. Lol.

Love – I’m still madly in love with Captain. Things are wonderful. Over six years now and we’ve evolved into more than lust and excitement; it’s true companionship, friendship and just deep. I’m grateful he’s my partner in life. No plans to marry anytime soon. I’ve just not felt the rush to do so.

Ex- He just got married to a young woman (yes, 18 years younger than him of course lol) but she’s wonderful. I fully support it. She helps me and is great with my kids. I truly hope they last. I hope he’s better to her than he was to me. I want my kids to have stability on his side.

Me – The post divorce power and high wore off. I’ve kind of settled into a me that is a mix of pre-divorce and post-divorce… I’m not anxious and sad, I’m tough and independent, but I’m not as focused on myself as I used to be. I’ve gained weight back so it’s hard for me to reconcile that 25 lbs could creep back up over the years, but it has. Sigh. I don’t hate myself for it. But I’m not as confident and youthful as I felt 6 years ago! I suppose that is normal, lol! I’ve also now had to focus on a new type of parenting that has had to adapt to quarantine, preteen years and technology. I wish I had appreciated the previous years with my babies a bit more.

Hobbies- If I wasn’t a true nerd before, I’ve really amped it up now. Covid brought on an appreciation for nature I’d never felt before. We’ve grown a garden, planted a zillion plants and trees, and I go on walks to study and identify plants. Luckily, Captain is on the same plane as I am and we have found such great fun in it. So bike rides, walks, jogs and drives all end up with some sort of plant theme. It’s been wonderful to have slowed down enough to appreciate what’s around me. We also adopted a dog!! (A dachshund aka hot dog!) She is 3 years old and we’ve had her a year. She’s my little soulmate and is 100% meant to be my life.

Travel – Kind of still a bust at this point so my goal has been to continue to enjoy my bonding experience with my kids, family, and partner. We will be doing some cool domestic stuff (driving) so I look forward to that.

The 24/7 news cycle of negativity took a toll on me. I know it’s not all bad out there, but between Covid, what felt like the Twilight zone in the US last year, climate change/deterioration, and just so much conflict, I have tried to disconnect from the computer/phone. I think our brains can only handle so much. So I hope my online buds out there are doing well. I send you all lots of love. I am not here often but I always hold this community very dear to my heart. xo Athena

We planted this! 🍍

My girl 🐶

🚲 ☀️

How you doin?

Been a minute since I’ve been on here.

How you doin?

I’m good! Finished another school year teaching rugrat 5th graders (that I love). I see myself becoming a better educator and feel proud to have the relationship I do with those kids. 💗

My own kids are getting big! 7&10! Yikes! We are having a fun summer spending lots of quality time and doing fun rambunctious things.

I’m still co-parenting fairly well with my ex, Grayheart. Hiccups along the way, of course, but I’d give it a ratio of 90/10 in terms of the ratio of our positive to negative interactions. I marvel at how little I actually think about my marriage to him. Almost 5 years later and I don’t remember the details I used to. He’s dating a woman that will soon be moving to Miami with her two kids… in with him. She’s nice. I wish them well. I hope he does her better. But I know who he is. And chances are he’ll screw over another nice woman. Oh well.

As for me, I am still in a wonderfully committed relationship with Captain. We continue to drive the hour regularly between Miami and the Keys to see each other. I continue to count my blessings because he is an excellent man and partner.

We have a busy summer planned… Captain and I are going to Iceland, then I’ll be traveling to Nashville for my sister’s bachelorette party (millennials, sigh),  then taking my kids to see my brother in a California, and finally doing a lovely beach holiday weekend with my closest girlfriends. Just writing it down intimidates me! But it’s not a bad problem to have. 😉

Would love to hear how my friends in the blogosphere are. Sending you all lots of cariño.

xo Athena

Too Quiet?

My kids have been on vacation with their father in the northeast for a week and there’s one week left to go. I’ve had a hard time being without them. You’d think I’d be thrilled and make the most of my alone time and appreciate the quiet, right? Ugh. Kinda.

I have enjoyed spending the week in the Keys with Captain. Snorkeling, biking, walking, reading, etc. Alone time with him. We rarely get uninterrupted time so it’s been fantastic. But holy hell is it a quiet life without kids! Too quiet.

I have the summer off and spend loads of time with the kids. So having them gone for so long is rough. And not just because I enjoy them but also because I am neurotic and worry endlessly about their safety while they’re gone. I hate to even put it into words but I have nightmares about kidnappings, trafficking, drownings, car accidents, etc. I try to keep it under control and not be crazy… but man. I’m crazy.

I am not crazy enough to not recognize that I’m lucky they have a father that’s involved. His new girlfriend is with them and she’s been fantastic keeping watch and updating me about them. And at 6 and 9 years old, my kids are very fortunate to visit New England and family all along the northeast US. All good stuff.

So I’m just having a moment. One of those self pitying moments where I hate what comes with divorce with young kids.

On another note, I have realized that I need (A) some other teacher friends that are chilling this summer or (B) unemployed and adventurous wealthy friends, to hang with while Captain is out working. Day drinking is no fun alone. (I kid. Kinda. But, seriously, any volunteers?! 😜)

On a positive note, Captain and I will take a road trip tomorrow! We’re going to drive up to Charleston with several stops along the way. Lots of good eats! I’m currently working on my southern drawl. Saying “reckon” just doesn’t sound right yet with my Miami accent. I’ll get it!

xo

Athena

Happy Divorce Anniversary to Me

I completely missed that a little over a year ago I officially divorced from Grayheart. So happy anniversary to me for that milestone!

It’s been over 3 and a half years since we separated. And as I reflect, I’ve noticed a few things.

1. I no longer have the “need” or even desire to understand what went wrong. I no longer dissect it or try to make sense of it. He is a selfish man, I married the wrong person, and I now know better.
2. I’ve learned from my mistakes. I think I was still a good wife but there are many things I could have done better. I am a better partner now. I appreciate things that truly matter. Little things count.
3. Nothing lasts forever and there’s a sort of comfort you have the first time around that leaves you after a divorce. You no longer sit comfortably thinking you can’t be dethroned. Someone can vow to love you forever but they won’t stick around if you’re no longer lovable. Anyone can be replaced. Sounds negative but I feel like it’s just a more realistic point of view. And it pretty much applies to all in life.
4. I’m fiercer and less willing to put up with anything I think is beneath me. I refuse to fall into old patterns in relationships.
5. My bond with my kids is even stronger than I thought possible. I grateful for every moment with them since I now see them less than I would have if I’d had an intact household.
6. It’s not fair but I have to put in more effort than my ex does when it comes to the kids. I do more and that’s just the way it is. It’s draining at times but whining that life isn’t fair just doesn’t help.
7. The things that drove me crazy about my ex still annoy the hell out of me. But I don’t have to deal with him in my face every day. I’m free from his darkness.
8. I no longer feel like I need to be connected somehow to Grayheart. We are not really friends. We are family, I guess? It’s reminiscent of an annoying cousin you care for and would be there for if they need you, but you don’t really talk to often. Every now and then he and I have a good quality conversation, especially about the kids. But I prefer not to be around him.
9. His life has not drastically improved since we parted. He’s in debt. His weight has fluctuated. He’s changed jobs. He’s no longer friends with the “divorce is awesome” crew that encouraged the single life. He is no longer with Raggedy (she moved to Maryland). He has the kids to truly be proud of but that’s because I take care of everything. He’s screwed up everything around him.
10. I have moments of frustration and sadness for my children but I haven’t cried about my divorce since the day it was officially confirmed. I think I poured out everything left at that moment. There is magic that happens within the 2 to 3 year mark. You really do heal. If you do it the right way. I faced it, received wonderful counseling, and managed to co-parent well through the worst of it. And somewhere along the way, I found a magnificent man as a partner.

So happy anniversary to me. I won’t “celebrate” it because I no longer define myself by it. It’s old news and I’m too busy moving straight ahead! I wish those of you going through a divorce a ton of strength and faith through the process. It does get better.

xo Athena

Hello from the other side…

🎶 Hello, it’s me… I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet. 🎶

A bit dramatic, eh? 🙂

Hello, friends! I’m alive. And well.

I’ve missed my buds here. I hope you all have been wonderful. I have given you guys much thought during my absence. I just have been avoiding blogging much in the same way I’ve been avoiding any additional responsibility in my life.

Let me apologize in advance. This will be a longish post. I’ll try to be considerate of your time… 😉

I am officially a 2nd grade teacher! And, boy, was that an overwhelming change in my life! There wasn’t much training so it was more trial by fire than anything. But I’ve been rocking it. I love it. I love the students and where I’m at. I am by no means the perfect teacher but it’s an incredibly refreshing change from property management. It’s a job that allows me to be a parent and have a life. It’s been a challenge, of course, adapting  to such a busy schedule after having been a part-time worker bee the last 3 years. But it’s nice to feel like my mind is being exercised and I’m earning a real paycheck. (I’m much poorer than ever, though! Man, teachers get paid squat! Lol!)

My kids are great. They’ve handled the transition well. They complain I’m not around as much but everyone in the family steps in when I can’t. 

Halloween 2016 Power Ranger style!

 Grayheart and I have had some serious heart to heart conversations… he’s apologized and cleared up some things from the past. He and Raggedy Ann have been on and off plenty and are currently off. He did try to make his way back “home” but I rejected those attempts. He is my past and will never be my future. Clearing the air has helped, however, and we get along better. He still annoys me, of course, but it’s less tense. Win for everyone.

I’m not divorced yet but we are filing very soon. Paperwork is done, agreements are in place, and I’m insured with my full time job so that’s no longer a worry. =)

As for my love life… Captain is still the most incredible boyfriend ever and never ceases to amaze me with his love. We’re about 3 months shy of hitting 2 years together and it just continues to get better with him. I don’t want to jinx the relationship, but I do think he’s my happily-ever-after. ❤️

As for my personal hobbies… I’ve not been running as much but I have been exercising regularly. I’ve had great out of town trips since I last checked in here. Disney trips with the kids and friends, New Orleans and Virgin Islands with Captain, and a trip to Cuba and Barcelona scheduled for this winter. (Yes, I will get to see where my family is from and am thrilled at the thought!) I’ve also been reading a book a month, I’m proud to report! 

Now, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows. I’m giving the Cliffs Notes version of my life the last several months. I had quite a cry last night and can get overwhelmed with life and parental responsibilities. But I’m wise enough to know how much I have to be grateful for.

I hope you guys had a beautiful Thanksgiving. I look forward to catching up and hearing how you each are! I’m trying my best to catch up on your posts…

Besos y abrazos!  😘 🤗

Athena ❤️

Spontaneity

What do you do when your city is hot as Hades but the sky is bright and the most gorgeous shade of blue?

You grab a cooler, pack sandwiches and take the kiddos to la playa! 

It was my weekend with the kids and I wanted to do something fun so I took the hour drive to Islamorada! There’s a little beach there that’s really family friendly and quiet. 

  

 

We met Captain after work at the marina. (How nice to have that as his “office”, right?) And then decided to have a pizza dinner at his house. The kids were thrilled as they had never been to his place before. It was fun seeing him entertaining my brood on his turf.

(And it was especially fun hearing the tinge of jealousy in Grayheart’s voice as the kids relayed their day to him.)

It was a wonderful weekend for a number of reasons but the beach was the highlight! I have to remember to be more spontaneous with the kids!

☀️❤️🏖

Collateral Damage

When your kids are sad – and I don’t mean mad or annoyed – but downright sad, it breaks your heart in a way you can’t even explain. You feel like your whole body is lead. Just heavy and dull and blah. Your brain kinda fogs up and you can’t think straight.

I’ve been in a bit of a funk since my little She-ra (7 yr old) had a difficult time the other night when I dropped her off at Daddy’s (aka Grayheart’s) house. She didn’t want to be there, didn’t want to leave me, etc. She does this frequently. Not as much lately but I figure that coming off of the weekend with me was certainly not going to have her want to leave her cozy home to start the weekend with him. (My almost 4 yr old son, though, has no issues.)

So I always leave feeling crummy. She clings to me and cries and begs. And it sucks. 

She usually gets over it soon thereafter and Grayheart normally texts me to let me know all is good. 

But this time she took a bit longer to recover. She wailed to him how unfair this whole set up is. She wanted to be at her home. Not his. 

So he patiently listened to her as she complained that the divorce is the cause of him not being at home. And that she doesn’t understand it, doesn’t like it and wishes he’d just move back in. 

What do you say to that?! I mean, honestly, you respond with the typical explanation: how it’s this way for a reason, blah, blah, blah… but she’s right. Divorce sucks. She’s been put in a position where she has to split her time between the two adults she loves the absolute most. And since she’s 7, she remembers having an intact household. (Whereas my son doesn’t.)

So he talked her through it – and did a nice job, I must admit – and she recovered. But it’s moments like this that just pop out of nowhere – even a year and a half later – that throw you off. That even though they’re “ok” and “doing well”, kids are collateral damage. And that is depressing.

My friend, TheEuphoricIraqiSingleMom, brought up recently the topic of staying in a loveless marriage in regards to a friend of hers. I’ve thought about it before. How much would I be willing to sacrifice to make sure my kids had an intact, whole family? Could I ever get back with Grayheart just for the kids? Could I ever forgive what he’s done to me? Could I pretend I love him just to make sure I could be with my kids all the time? 

And the answer is, I can’t. I don’t see him the same. I don’t love him like I once did. He actually repulses me, in a way. I know I’d never get back with him but sometimes I’m disappointed in myself because it seems selfish. I know from a logical standpoint that I’m being silly, but that little voice loves to taunt me at times. Especially when I have a setback with my kids.

Anyway, darling daughter is fine now and hasn’t brought up any concerns…and seemed to have a lovely weekend with her father. So, I’m guessing this is normal.

Nonetheless, divorce sucks. 

xo

Athena

Spring has Sprung!

March was a busy month and April is proving to be just as exciting! I love Spring! Lots of birthdays this time of year for us and all kinds of celebrations. 

Here’s a bit of why I have been missing (besides my phone-in-toilet situation)!

My darling daughter turned 7!

  

I’m certainly no cake decorator but we did a home celebration for her!

   

Ice cream made with liquid nitrogen! Aptly called Brain Freeze!

  

Took the kids to the Dade County Youth Fair!

 
 

Visit to the ballet! My first time!

  

Bravo! Midsummer’s Night Dream cast

   

Coffee at Books & Books

 
 

Discovered a restaurant in Key Largo that we love called “Lucy’s”!

 
 

Third row seats to the Miami Heat vs Cavs game! Kindly gifted to us by a friend!

   

Outside the arena with my love ❤️

 

These seats were incredible! Such an exciting game!

 
 

Attended a Cancer Survivor Walk with my family 💜

 
 

My mom, my hero and favorite woman in the world! 4 years cancer free now!

 
   

Happy St Paddy’s Day!

  

 

Easter Egg Race

  

Tons of goodies found by Spiderman!

 

 

Easter sack race!

  

And finally we start April… I turned 36 and had a ton of fun with all the birthday festivities! Captain made it very special for me. We had an incredible weekend complete with mini golf, driving range, laser tag, games at Dave & Busters, a tennis match, wonderful dinners, movies and shopping! Whew! 

Mini Golf!

  

Laser Tag with my besties!

  

Awesome seats at the Miami Open!

  

   

Women’s Finals match! Victoria Azarenka serving!

   

 

Mens’ Doubles Finals Match

       

Bday dinner at the Rusty Pelican in Key Biscayne

  

Night of dancing!

  

Gaming!

 

 

Paint Nite & dinner with my Mom

  

Final product! I’m obviously no artist but boy is it fun!

  

Nature walk at Pinecrest Gardens & Farmers Market time!

 

It’s been a fun filled few weeks and I feel very loved and blessed. I have an incredible family, boyfriend and group of friends. Never imagined I’d be here. A year ago I was grappling with uncertainty, pain, bouts of sadness, unsure of a new relationship, tons of concern for my kids, anger and confusion. I can’t say it’s all 100% gone but I can certainly say I’m a good 80% better. And I’ll take that. I’m looking straight ahead and welcoming what’s in store for me and my kids.
Thank you all for checking in on me and always supporting my progress. ❤️💜❤️

Besos,

Athena

Bizarre evening

*This is a longer than usual post, sorry!*

Last week, Grayheart had the kids all day for Presidents’ Day.  He took them to a museum and then ran errands.

By the time he got them back to me that evening, he looked like he’d been through the battle of his life. His eyes were red and sunken, his face aged 10 years and his posture looked deflated. This was a man that looked defeated.  

I asked how the kids had behaved with him.

His response as he plopped into the dining room seat? 

“They were awful. They don’t listen. They fight constantly. It was overwhelming.”

Then he started to tear up! Literally tears springing to his eyes and trickling down his cheeks. 

I was shocked. This is not a man that shows emotion easily. 

I stood there frozen facing him as I had absolutely no idea what to do. He seemed so broken and sad. Here is a man I once loved, my former best friend, the father of my kids crying in front of me. My first inclination was to hug and console him. But I couldn’t move.

I was worried the moment would’ve turned into an attempt on his part to kiss me or have too heartfelt of an embrace.

I have absolutely no interest in that for a number of reasons.

So I was relieved when my son called for me and I ran into the other room to tend to him. Grayheart escaped to the bathroom to gather himself.

When he returned, he announced his departure and I walked him out.

“What is wrong, Grayheart?”

“This is hard. I try to make the most of my time with them. I don’t have them as often as you do. I’ve spent my whole day yelling at them or separating them from fighting. Then, I’m cleaning after them a bunch… It’s hard to spend quality time.”

I almost laughed out loud at this. These were many of my concerns when we first separated. Although it’s tough being outnumbered, I’ve managed well. 

He continues, while still crying, “I guess this is what happens when you have a split household.” Followed by a big sigh and him looking sideways at me.

I’m still uncomfortably awkward and feeling bad for him and confused. So I end with, “Yup. Yeah. I guess so…Well, let me know what I can do to help make it better with the kids.”

  

———————————

I know exactly what’s happened here. I hadn’t written about it because, frankly, I didn’t care enough. But him and Raggedy Ann broke up last month. He didn’t tell me but I could sense it. He has been different. 

So he’s a bit down about the whole thing. He sees himself alone and having possibly made a bad decision.

Then, Valentine’s Day rolls around and Grayheart drops by to give the kids their cards and chocolates. What does he pop in on? My lovey little brood having a blast playing kickball with me and Captain in my backyard of what used to be “our” home. We are nice to him but it’s definitely an awkward moment. (Kids were pleased as punch. They had no clue.)

 

Captain & my son playing ball

 

All of a sudden, he’s an outsider to his own family. He not only sees his family having a great time with another man but at that moment he realized his role as man of the house was backfilled with my boyfriend. He gets the kids the next day and nothing goes right. The family unit feels lopsided and missing something… me!

Now, let me just say that Grayheart is a great dad. He will never be “replaced” as Daddy by any man. I don’t play games with my kids or him about it. A partner on either side is a bonus.

Let me also clarify that I didn’t get the impression he was trying to hit on me. But I do think he was feeling me out since he was incredibly sad. And I’m not falling for it. 

Grayheart will never change. The grass will always be greener on the other side. He’ll always want someone to feed his ego. And he’ll always be a dick. And moody. And selfish. 

I wouldn’t have chosen this life for my kids. My ideal situation would have been us as a strong/functioning/happy intact family without all this hurt.

But I’m better and happier than I’ve been in a verrrrrry long time. And I don’t think it’s a superficial type of happiness. I’ve worked really hard on healing from the inside out. The last year and a half has taught me a lot: I’m better without him as a partner. 

Stay tuned. I don’t think this is over. 

xo

  

2015 wrap up

I know everyone has been inundated with posts about some blogger’s year in review. This one will be no different. But this post is more for me than anything or anyone else. I felt the need to go back and see how far I’d come from 2014 to help me set new goals for 2016. 

I’d worked on a vision board in 2014 and 2015. 

2015 Vision Board

 
So here’s what I’m proud of in 2015:

• I survived separation from my husband of 9 years. (I’d like to be divorced by February 2016.)
• Not only did I survive but I’m better than before.
• I reached my goal weight of 137 lbs, beat it by 4 lbs at the peak of my fitness routine and then roughly stayed at it the majority of the year (until the holidays hit!) I’d lost almost 30 lbs since I started in August 2014. (My goal is to lose again those darn stubborn 5 lbs!)
• I blogged on a regular basis and have gained a number of great friends, garnered outstanding support from said friends and allowed myself to use it as a therapeutic and positive outlet.
• I saw my therapist, DD, on a weekly or bi-weekly basis. Don’t know what I would’ve done without her. Her advice has been golden.
• I online dated. I spoke to a number of guys, enjoyed the flattering not attention and went on dates with two different men. Both were wonderful but one particularly stood out. My Captain.
• I found amazing love with Captain. Go figure. Sounds so incredibly sappy. If you’d asked me if it was possible after being with the same man since I was 21 yrs old (I’m now 35), I would’ve laughed at you. But Captain was too incredible to ignore and was everything I could ask for. I didn’t think it was possible to find someone so good hearted and fall so deeply for that person. 
• I ran a half marathon and just completed another one January 2016. 
  

  Miami half marathon

   
• I did my 10 mile race in Paris!
• I did two mud races! The Rugged Maniac and just recently did a  Spartan (sprint) race!
• I traveled a good bit. This has always been my passion. I just kind of let it flounder once I had kids. I went to Disney three times, Austin, TX, Key West, Paris, Amsterdam, Munich and the Romantic Road in Germany, Steamboat Springs, CO. 
• I went snorkeling and fishing!
• We sold our house in Virginia and did well. I put that money towards paying off all my debt. I’m broke now but am debt free.
• I began budgeting myself and am in control of my own money. (Grayheart handled all finances when I became a stay at home mom.)
• I did laser hair removal for my legs, bikini and underarms. I figured that was my treat to myself rather than going the typical get-your-boobs-done route. 
• I re-arranged furniture and changed decor in my house. Out with Grayheart and in with things that represent me. 
• I started substitute teaching and really enjoy it. I might consider teaching as a new profession. (I’ve been offered a few jobs since I’ve been here but I’m waiting til next fall to start anything serious.)

My 2015 focus was about finding myself because I really felt lost when my husband left me. I made it a goal to figure out what made me happy – besides motherhood – and make more time for myself.  

 I don’t know who exactly I am yet but I know that I’ve determined I’m stronger than I ever thought. There are sad moments but I think I am overall a happier person. I don’t feel as if I’m being weighed down by another person. 

As a result of this me time and healthier living and a more interesting life, I think I’ve become a better mother. I have more energy and appreciation for my time with my kids. I cherish every second with them since I’m not with them 24/7.

   

My journey will continue since I feel like the investment is paying off. I hope to have an even better 2016 and am excited about completing my next vision board!

Thank you all again for helping me through this year. There aren’t enough words to describe how instrumental the WordPress community has been to my healing.

In peace and love,

Athena 

XO