Happy Divorce Anniversary to Me

I completely missed that a little over a year ago I officially divorced from Grayheart. So happy anniversary to me for that milestone!

It’s been over 3 and a half years since we separated. And as I reflect, I’ve noticed a few things.

  1. I no longer have the “need” or even desire to understand what went wrong. I no longer dissect it or try to make sense of it. He is a selfish man, I married the wrong person, and I now know better.
  2. I’ve learned from my mistakes. I think I was still a good wife but there are many things I could have done better. I am a better partner now. I appreciate things that truly matter. Little things count.
  3. Nothing lasts forever and there’s a sort of comfort you have the first time around that leaves you after a divorce. You no longer sit comfortably thinking you can’t be dethroned. Someone can vow to love you forever but they won’t stick around if you’re no longer lovable. Anyone can be replaced. Sounds negative but I feel like it’s just a more realistic point of view. And it pretty much applies to all in life.
  4. I’m fiercer and less willing to put up with anything I think is beneath me. I refuse to fall into old patterns in relationships.
  5. My bond with my kids is even stronger than I thought possible. I grateful for every moment with them since I now see them less than I would have if I’d had an intact household.
  6. It’s not fair but I have to put in more effort than my ex does when it comes to the kids. I do more and that’s just the way it is. It’s draining at times but whining that life isn’t fair just doesn’t help.
  7. The things that drove me crazy about my ex still annoy the hell out of me. But I don’t have to deal with him in my face every day. I’m free from his darkness.
  8. I no longer feel like I need to be connected somehow to Grayheart. We are not really friends. We are family, I guess? It’s reminiscent of an annoying cousin you care for and would be there for if they need you, but you don’t really talk to often. Every now and then he and I have a good quality conversation, especially about the kids. But I prefer not to be around him.
  9. His life has not drastically improved since we parted. He’s in debt. His weight has fluctuated. He’s changed jobs. He’s no longer friends with the “divorce is awesome” crew that encouraged the single life. He is no longer with Raggedy (she moved to Maryland). He has the kids to truly be proud of but that’s because I take care of everything. He’s screwed up everything around him.
  10. I have moments of frustration and sadness for my children but I haven’t cried about my divorce since the day it was officially confirmed. I think I poured out everything left at that moment. There is magic that happens within the 2 to 3 year mark. You really do heal. If you do it the right way. I faced it, received wonderful counseling, and managed to co-parent well through the worst of it. And somewhere along the way, I found a magnificent man as a partner.

So happy anniversary to me. I won’t “celebrate” it because I no longer define myself by it. It’s old news and I’m too busy moving straight ahead! I wish those of you going through a divorce a ton of strength and faith through the process. It does get better.

xo Athena

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23 thoughts on “Happy Divorce Anniversary to Me

    • Aw, thanks, buddy! So great to see you stop by. I wouldn’t call myself articulate so I truly appreciate the compliment. It was really nice to write though. And then to see my old friends comment, that really warmed my heart. I hope you are doing well and that your end of the year is not driving you toooo crazy! 😜

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Well said lovely, so much truth here. And yes, it was in the 3rd year that I healed and was able to forgive. I don’t celebrate my divorce. I don’t even know the date. I don’t much care as it’s pretty irrelevant to my now.
    Lots of love, missed u loads.
    ♥️♥️♥️

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hello, my fabulous friend!! So wonderful to hear from you! ❤️
      Yes, it seems so irrelevant now. Remember when we used to spend time hating our exes or just dissecting it all? It’s so great to be past that pain at this point. And you are now actually in such a good place with your ex! Talk about 180!
      Miss you tons. I wish we had done Dita together, by the way, when she was here. Next year, perhaps? xo

      Like

  2. Isn’t it amazing :). At first you think life is over, then you realize it isn’t, and then a few years later you are in a place of happiness. #DivorceWarriors…..I’m not bitter at this point four years later, but I still take pride in the fact I survived it and I get to see my whale ex-wife every time we do a kid exchange. I’m damn near at my high school weight and she is challenging the earth with her gravitational pull :). It’s the little things 🙂 🙂 :).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Welcome to the club. (I’m sorry to hear but I’m glad that you sound to be doing well.) I am happy to help in anyway you may need. The same way so many in this community helped me. There’s so much power and support within these groups. No one else can understand our pain unless you’ve gone through it! Best of luck to you. Xoxo

      Liked by 2 people

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