I’ve been on Match now three weeks. Three weeks almost feels like an eternity. I feel as if I’ve seen all the available “Match” men in South Florida. So what initially was a tool for potential dates is now a form of entertainment for me and my girlfriends (and my blogging buds!). Here’s what I’ve learned up to this point:
– I can’t keep track of these guys. It’s not because I’m sooo popular (I promise, I’m not humblebragging); it’s that you see a picture of a person and may read their profile and then there’s a hundred other guys with similar things on their profile or a similar look. Some just don’t stand out and if you have a terrible memory like I do, fuggedaboutit! A spreadsheet like my friend, Oh2bhuman, recommended is not a bad idea at all..
– I’ve been approached by a few guys that live out of the area. Seems like they want a booty call when they come in to Miami. Not a bad idea on their part. I was just surprised by the concept of people from GA, NY or TX messaging me even though I live in Miami.
– I’ve now pissed off a few people. One guy so kindly wrote me after he didn’t get a reply to one of his messages:
“The decisions we make are true reflections of who we are inside…thank you for passing judgment on me before knowing who I am.” (Seriously, dude, get your passive aggressive ass steppin!)
– Some guys actually message you multiple times with the SAME message. Over and over and over again. I can’t figure out this tactic. Is it they forget they’ve messaged you? Are they purposely being annoying? Do they think I’m dumb? One guy has sent me this message 4 times within the last three weeks!
“Hi. Cinderella has nothing on you. Hope the slipper fits. Talk to you soon.” (No, homie, you will not be talking to me soon. You have no game, lame lines and are already annoying? Nope, nope, nope.)
– There are poets on Match! Or maybe this one is a life coach and a poet? Either way, another dude that sent 4 messages within 24 hrs!
“Life is to be shared with someone YOU hold precious. Therefore — in short, I believe life is an acronym meaning: Love Inside Fully Expressed. So, please, start (your life) everyday by expressively showing the love you deserve – then if desired; that [someone] will come. Remember — dont’ forget to SMILE… you wear it well. (Crickets. I can soooo hear my bud, Skipah, warning me to run fast!)
– Finally, a Public Service Announcement To All Men On Match!
If your profile picture has:
* You in sunglasses = You have something to hide and must therefore not be cute. (Hats can fall into this category as well.)
*You looking half asleep = I know you don’t have any friends.
*You with a bunch of sexy women around you = I know that you try too hard and are lame.
*No profile pic = You must be married or in a relationship. Not wasting my time with you, buh-bye!
*You in a bunch of bathroom selfies half naked = You’d likely send me a dick pic soon after interacting so… no thanks, douchebag. Save it for Twitter’s #EggplantFriday if you want that kind of attention.
I don’t know if it’s because I have a weird sense of humor but online dating has been a hoot! I’ll do a follow up post soon about the normal guys I’ve actually met on here. These are so much more fun, though! 😉