Online Dating – One Week Down

I have not yet been insulted, kidnapped, killed or bestowed some sort of computer virus in the last week of online dating. (Real concerns of mine as I monitored my Match profile from my phone app. Not reasonable considering I haven’t met anyone in person but you never know what kind of NSA spying skills these dudes may have.)

I subscribed to the service where you get a fake phone number through the service so you don’t have to give out your real number. $3.33 per month. Let me just say that it’s been a complete waste of money because I could not figure out how the heck to use it!

I’ve not gone on any dates yet but I’ve communicated with a few guys that seem pretty nice so far.  Let’s see who my first will be…

Here’s what I’ve learned of the process so far:

  • You probably give others more of a chance than you would in person because you don’t have a “vibe” from them yet.  I’ve chatted with folks I probably wouldn’t give the time of day to in real life but since the pool of overly attractive interesting people is slim, you give some dubious ones a shot at some online convo.
  • Catfishing is real!!  I will do a follow up post soon about it but I got catfished!  (The story is hilarious!)  I’m no dummy and have great luck on my side so I wasn’t a victim but you must do your research beforehand! And go with your gut!
  • Screenshot/take a picture of someone you think is interesting (photo/bio) so that you don’t have to keep going to their profile.  Match shows you who has “viewed” you so if you view someone frequently you’ll look like a stalker!
  • Pictures are everything!
  • Messages with just “hi” or “how are you” get no response or the exact same response back. (B-O-R-I-N-G!)
  • I finally ignore the guys I’m not interested in.  A good friend described it as taking in stray cats.  Once you do, you can’t get rid of them.  It’s a good analogy so as rude as it may seem… I am not responding to people I’m not interested in.
  • You will inevitably come across people you know.  SO awkward!  I was viewed by a guy I went to high school with (cringe), messaged by a guy that one of my best friends dated (I called him out on that!) and then “randomly matched” with a guy I used to work with (no!)…

Here are a few more gems for shits and giggles!

The Chuck Woollery of Match.com:
“Okay, let’s say it’s gonna be a chill “Netflix” night… What movie are we going to watch and what should I order for takeout – Thai, Chinese, or ___?”  (This is already after two questions on what my ideal vacation and getaway would be!  Wth? Is this the Love Connection?!  I almost responded we’d be back in two in two! lol! But I followed my new rule of no replies to the rejects.)

This guy’s got jokes:
“Hey there miss Athena, hope you and your kids had a wonderful day…. What did the knife say to the potato? lol”  (Poor guy has resorted to lame jokes to stand out? smh…)

This guy got a reply because he’s the first to make me laugh out loud (which I now regret because he’s a damn stray and doesn’t stop messaging me!):
“Hello Athena,
This is the first time I have ever written a Goddess. And while I am comforted by the idea that as the Goddess of Wisdom, you will be able to discern my intellect, sense of humor and ability to carry on an entertaining conversation, I also realize you are the Goddess of War and I must tread carefully, lol.
Hope you are having an excellent week. It was my pleasure to have you show up in my daily matches. You have a captivating and energetic smile and look like someone who would be a lot of fun to hang out with and have a lot of laughs.
So, since you like to read, my ridiculously long profile shouldn’t scare you. And if anything I wrote makes you chuckle or makes me stand out from the ocean of posers on this site, I would love it if we could converse some more.
I pray to Zeus’ blessed forehead that you would feel the same.  Let me know if sacrificing a small goat in your name would help.  Have a great day beautiful goddess and protector of Athens!”

My first online proposal
“My name is J. will you marry me?? ;)”

Today’s Mantra:  Today I will let loose. I’m going to approach someone I think is cute… maybe.  (Trying to go out of my comfort zone.)

Abuelita knows

Family is everything to me.  Particularly my immediate family.  It’s not a huge group but it consists of my mom, siblings, grandparents and kids.  Few people are as fortunate as I am to have the type of relationship I have with them.  I count my blessings everyday.

I lead with that because it might help make sense of the fact that I’ve avoided telling my grandparents that I’m currently separated from my husband.  (Yes, separation talk started in September and, yes, Grayheart moved out in November.  Don’t judge me!)  My grandparents are old school Cuban (straight from la patria) and are in their mid-eighties.  To say that this could possibly kill them is not a joke.  We are their only grandchildren and they are obsessed with us.  They are not getting any younger and their short term memory is starting to fade a bit.  (My grandfather much worse than my grandmother.)

I’ve chickened out on a number of occasions but finally got the courage to spit out the words to my abuelita.  “Abuelita, me voy a divorciar.”

You know when you read a book and they say that someones face actually crumbles upon receipt of bad news?  Oh. My. God.  Her face.  Her expression.  Her sadness.  I just… I couldn’t bear her pain.

When I shared the separation with my Mom, I blurted it out.  When I told my siblings, I shared freely.  When I told my friends, the same.  This, though, this felt almost as bad as when we told the kids Daddy was moving out.

Abuelita, of course, suspected something was wrong for some time.  She was puzzled and worried.  She couldn’t comprehend how it was possible.  We were such a perfect family, he loved me so much, blah, blah, blah.  And then she snapped out of that and was like “does he have another woman?”.  Me:  No, Abuelita, no. He doesn’t.  (It’s not worth getting into with her.)  She then went back to the crestfallen, blank expression she held onto while watching the kids play in the backyard.

Her fears, naturally, were for our well being.  I reassured her that the kids were doing well, I was fine and Grayheart was doing a good job as father to the kids and estranged husband to me.

Abuelita adores Grayheart.  She loved us as a family.  She knew I was well cared for and that our children were doted on by a loving father.  This is devastating for her.  She was quieter than I expected upon sharing this revelation with her but I think the sheer magnitude of the news left her stunned.  She later walked back over to me (her and her whole 4’12” self) and gave me the biggest hug while softly weeping in my arms.  I nearly broke at that moment.  It’s hard to write while thinking about it.

To think you can cause another person so much grief and worry… it’s just awful.  I know it’s not my fault and she’s not mad or disappointed in me.   But she now carries concern for me and the kids she’d not had to previously.  Abuelita has had a tough life.  She has seen so much sadness and been through so much.  She doesn’t need the additional stress during her advancing years.

I can’t change the situation so it is what it is… I’m just going to have to do my best to show her (and the world) that we will be fine.

Starting to Shed Some Skin

It’s been a week since I’ve written a post and a bit longer since I actually posted about my interactions with Grayheart.

Two days after our sexcapade, I talked to him about it and advised that we could not do it again.  He was a bit surprised.  Then he commented that the use of condoms was awkward.  I just replied that the whole experience was awkward.  It felt strange sleeping with him without it being love.  He asked me to not rub it in. (Oh well, asshole.)

He was strangely quiet and distant that evening. It seemed as if he’d been rejected and was bothered by it.  (Payback’s a bitch, ain’t it?)

I had a feeling I knew what was coming next…

I’m almost positive he’s back with Raggedy.  Last week he wouldn’t even look me in the eyes.  When he left my house, he would leave in the opposite direction of where he lives.  And he’s a bit more on his phone than he had been in quite some time.  This week just started and he’s a bit better but it’s like we’re in two different worlds.

I don’t feel the same way I did before.  I don’t have that seething fury I carried for so long.  I know what she is to him…a toy.  He needs the emotional validation, the escape from the hurt, the filling of the void. I’m not saying he’s pining for me.  I just realize again how weak he is.  He’ll do anything to avoid the loneliness and numbing pain of the break-up. And that makes me feel better somehow.  But this is not about Raggedy or Grayheart… it’s about meI feel differently towards him.  I haven’t once tried to snoop or pry, I don’t fill my mind with thoughts of what they’re doing, I haven’t done anything to try to interfere with their relationship.  I just don’t care.  I feel like I’m starting to actually move on.  (Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want to run into them together or anything!)

I’ve waited a bit to write this because I was trying to sort out my feelings.  To see if it was a temporary realization.  But I am now ready to say it out loud.  I feel much more…buoyant.  I don’t want Angry Athena to take over my life.  I’m finding strength and happiness in my independence.  Having shed some of that skin has made me feel lighter.

I still have bouts of sadness and nostalgia and regret and all those other lovely emotions that come with divorce BUT I’m not angry with him.  (Well, he’s not my favorite person right now but I’m not the confused/enraged/unsettled/bitter person I have been the last several months.)   And I’m prepared for the inevitable setbacks that come with this process.  But you know what?  Today, my progress feels pretty darn good.

Today’s Mantra:  Here’s to the healing process!  There’s light at the end of the tunnel. 🙂

Friday Night Fun – Live Music & Dancing

I’m a bit late posting this but last Friday was so much fun that I thought I’d memorialize it in a post so I can look back and remember it. There wasn’t anything particularly crazy about it but it was just a fun night with friends and my lovely sister.

We went to this awesome jazzy style place that served food and grab your own bottle of wine type of deal. We had front row seats to the live band that played a mix of soul and R&B. It was one of my best friend’s birthdays (Muggle) and so a big group of us got together.

One of my BFFs (Lucy) was there with her fiancé. They had another bday celebration to attend there (people I did not know… or so I thought!). I went to go back to say hello and hang out only to find a blast from the past sitting right with them. Some douchey guy I sort of dated for a couple of weeks in high school. Ugghh!! This is why I sometimes hate going out… I loathe running into people I went to school with. (Mind you, my friends tease me because I was voted “Friendliest” in high school!) I said my hellos and then darted out of there. It was incredibly awkward. I later found out he shared with the group how we “kinda dated” in high school. Um, not something I’m proud of nor want to share with the world. Lol!

So my sis and I took off to continue partying at another part of town. They too had live music and then we jammed at the bar/club there. We danced and danced until our feet hurt. We were approached by a number of guys but no one caught my eye. (I’ve become SO picky!) We did have several guys that were worse than damn toilet paper stuck to the bottom of your shoe! 😒

Overall, a great night with great people and no pressure to find a man. Also realized that I don’t often watch live cover bands but there is something so fun about watching people rock out to music you know. I’m going to make an effort this year to do more of it!

Weekend Mantra: Just jam!! (Makes me think of Michael Jackson song!)

24 Hours of Online Dating

Let me start by saying that I finally caved and got an account with Match.

In the 24 hours I’ve been on it, I’ve actually had fun! It is an incredible boost to the ego. And there are some of the funniest and dorkiest pick up lines ever. I wonder what I’ll be saying about it in a week or month? (I hope cheeseball lines aren’t contagious! Call me out if so!)

I’ve seen a handful of cute guys. They seem to have nice bios and pictures. I’m conversing with a few and so far so good.

I’m also in conversations with 17 different men. What does that mean? Means I am rtoo damn nice and feel terrible rejecting people who make an effort to reach out to me. I need to get over that real quick!

And me? I “winked” at one guy. And he lives in Michigan! Why? Because I’m a wimp and figured there’s no harm in someone out of state not responding, if they don’t respond. (He did respond, btw. And he gave me my favorite compliment so far… Calling me his dark haired beauty. Lol!)

I will share some of the cheesy comments I’ve gotten. (What fun is this experience if you can’t laugh with me?!)

Mr. Confident
– “Hi beautiful! Seems like your all about taking chances. Why don’t you hit me back up so I can be that one chance that’s guaranteed to work out your way”. (Um, no.)

Mr. Trying too hard while trying to show off how cultural he is
– “I lived in italy for three years and they would say to you, tu se belissima, molto molto molto belissima (italian) and that is the highest compliment you can express to a female in the italian language, you are absolutely beautiful and astonishing” (Riiight)

Mr. Spiritual that works HARD on his lines
– “How was your day today? Anything extra odinary thing happened today? You know, besides cars piling up on top of each other because men were distracted by that beautiful smile of yours. I know I would be. I didn’t know angels from Heaven flew so low.” (I actually laughed out loud at this. Who actually says this crap in real life?!)

There have been good ones as well. I won’t bore you with those because they’re nice and simple. Just complimenting me on my appearance and asking how I’m doing, etc. I’ll be honest, though, it’s awkward trying to come up with something clever and nice and not boring when trying to spark up an online conversation with someone. I have not engaged anyone yet – cause I’m a wimp and I’m old fashioned meaning the guy pursues the girl – but I can appreciate a nice guy that puts himself out there with the potential for no response. Maybe after some time on it, I’ll venture into doing the same and just not care if I get rejected or not. (It’s not a vanity thing, I swear. It’s the way I was raised coupled with my own insecurities!)

Anyway, I’ve gotten a few phone numbers but am not ready to give mine out yet. I am noticing a pattern. The older the guy (mid to late 40s+), the more likely he is to want to talk rather than email/text. The younger, the more comfortable they are with the messaging aspect of it. Also, lots of interest in my nationality. And lots more attention the more photos you have up. Again, that’s just what I’m noticing in my short time here. It’ll be interesting to see how it progresses into actual in person dates. I’ll continue my observations and keep you guys updated!

Happy Hump Day!

Today’s Mantra: Plenty of fish in the sea! Enjoy it!

❤️

Online Dating

Yikes.  I am actually admitting that I’m going to try online dating.

I was one of those people who swore that I would never date anyone online.  That it was for older folks that didn’t have opportunities to go out and meet others at bars, etc.  Or for those that were lame and socially impaired.  Fast forward thirteen years… I’m that lame person.  (Dating has changed SO much since I last was single!)  But I’m now finding that online dating is now very socially acceptable but it’s also very convenient!

I am not looking for love online.  I do not want a relationship.  I’m too damaged at this point and my life is too complicated.  But I’m looking for superficial distractions.  People to make me feel attractive and wanted.  (I’m actually pretty embarrassed to admit this.)  It’d be nice to go out on some casual dates and get to know some new people.

This is where I now reach out to you all and sincerely would like to know if you have any experience online dating.  I’d love tips, suggestions… anything you’d like to share.  Is a Match profile worth the monthly fee?  (I really didn’t find anyone I was “wow” over while I was looking.)  Tinder?  (I’m a bit worried about meeting creepazoids.)  Any other sites you like?

Thanks for helping a sista out! 😉

Today’s Mantra:  Open yourself to new things.  And work on those selfies!

Friday Night Fun – Bar Hopping

Friday nights are my nights!  Grayheart stays with the kids and I go out with my girlfriends.

This past Friday I went bar hopping with my friend, Jazz.  We hit 5 different bars/restaurants in three different parts of town!  (It’s becoming sport for me these days, it seems.)  We ended up at the same club we’ve been going out to for the last month!  It’s nice to have that spot you can just go back to for dancing and laughs but it’s starting to get old real quick.

We danced and came across a whole bunch of characters there.  (What is up with Miami?! There seem to be no men I like!)  I really don’t mean to sound like a snob but I have not found anyone I’m attracted to!  I know I’m not going to find Mr. Perfect at a bar or club but, damn, can I get a hot guy somewhere?

Y’all know I love to dance.  I’ll shake, shimmy, twerk, flip it and reverse it, salsa, wind up… you name it.  But I don’t often like to dance with others.  I like to dance with my girlfriends.  I don’t want to be grinded up on.  My body, my space.  And I hate being thrown off rhythm by guys that just can’t dance.  (You cannot slow dance to Usher’s latest song.  Just no.)   So I was kind of being a biznitch by not accepting requests to dance.  (No, I will not dance with you for the fricking twentieth time!)   And I nicely stepped away from those that were trying to get too close.  (Does a face palm count as kind?)  I was losing my patience with the crowd.

Then, all of a sudden… guess who popped in?  The only guy I’ve thought was attractive and sexy and had swagger in all these nights I’ve gone out!  Whisky!  He said hello, gave me a kiss on the cheek, commented he saw me walking by his bar earlier this evening, gave me an appreciative once over and then he continued on with his buds to get drinks.  I danced and then was going to two step my way near him only to then have some hoochie mama swoop right in and latch onto him!  She was not cute but, man, was she ALL over him!  Grinding, going up and down, pressing on him… basically, she was going to give him anything he wanted that night.  He looked over a few times while I danced but I was NOT going to chase him.  It did piss me off, though.  I was hoping this would be my opportunity to have a distraction from my complicated life.  I won’t chase a man so I left shortly thereafter and did not say goodbye.

What did I get out of the night?  Well, I ate too many fried appetizers, had a bad glass of wine and then proceeded to have a stomach ache. Oh and the feeling of being kinda dissed by that punk, Whisky.  (I guess I deserved it considering I was not Ms. Congeniality there.)

Then I got home only to find Grayheart still awake.  I forgot he thought I went on a date!  I’d worn a dress with a belt and had taken the belt off in the car since it was bothering me on my drive home.  He didn’t say anything but I know he noticed the missing accessory.  Not sure why he was up at 2:30 am but he was on the computer.  Ain’t nobody got time for that so I showered and went to bed.

Pretty uneventful night.  This is what single life is going to be like?  Lawd, help me!