Last Week in Rewind – Dating 

The theme for my previous week seems to be “dating.”

I decided to give Julius a chance for a first date since he seemed to be such a nice guy.  I felt a bit guilty because I’d really been talking and seeing Captain quite a bit.

Tuesday – My kids were staying the night with Grayheart – for the first time at his new place! – and I was going to have my first evening home alone.  It was strange…I was looking forward to the break and a night of uninterrupted rest yet a little glum that this divorce milestone had now been reached.

I met Julius up for drinks and dinner at a cafe in a nice part of town.  I was, of course, late.  But only by 10 minutes!  My first impression was that he was a clean-cut, intelligent, good looking man.  He instantly told me I was beautiful and continued with sweet compliments throughout the evening.  (Flattery will get you everywhere with me!)  I felt comfortable with him and could tell he was a nice guy.  

He’s Cuban, divorced and family oriented so we shared plenty in common.  He’s a teacher and seems to be very passionate about what he does.  But he’s looking for a relationship; someone to share his life with.  I just couldn’t picture myself as that person.  I didn’t feel that sizzle with him that I have with Captain.  I quickly ended the night after we were done with dinner and then prayed he didn’t try to kiss me.  Which I knew right there was a bad sign.  He asked to see me again while we exchanged our good-byes.  I didn’t have the heart to say no. (I know, I suck.  I just have a hard time hurting people’s feelings.).  I didn’t commit to an actual date but I left it open as a possibility.

The restaurant we went to, by the way, had some great quotes on the restroom walls!   

 

I did not tell Captain about my date with Julius but on Wednesday we got into the topic of dating since I had another date scheduled with a different guy (Sonny).  And I thought it fair to share it with him at this point.  

Yeah, that didn’t go so well. 

Captain was like “Oh, ok, sure. Go ahead and date.”  I could tell that he was not pleased.  Part of me – okay, most of me – told him just to see what his reaction would be.  Just to see if he was dating others (which he advised he was not) and if he cared if I would.  He cares.  And without having to outright ask it of me, I told him I was not interested in spending my limited time out with a bunch of random guys if I knew I enjoyed spending time with him.  Not that we are looking to move fast or have a serious relationship but I don’t want to be sleeping around or trying to balance multiple men if I really am having fun with a particular guy.  (Note to self: Change my Match profile to “hidden”.)

Thursday –  So I cancelled my date with Sonny.  And met with Captain for dinner.   We met up midway and had dinner at a really fun kitschy restaurant that I’d heard about called “White Lion Cafe.”

 

We had such a great time!  I swear, just being near him makes me want to devour him.  Damn guy has crazy sex appeal and we just have the best chemistry together.  And it’s not just physical with us.  We talk and have fun and seem to really enjoy being around each other.  

And since I’ve been in a naughty mood as of late, I’ll share that we ended our night getting busy in the back of his truck. 😏

Don’t judge me.  Yes, I know I’ve regressed into a teenaged girl.  Let me have my fun! 😉

Friday came and I needed to recover!

Saturday – Captain asked me to lunch and drove up to Miami to see me.  We had a fantastic lunch and then went to a nearby mall to walk around and shop.  

My kids were with my parents so I invited him back to my house.  Which I felt slightly strange about but I really wanted to get rid of the ghost of Grayheart in my house.  I could tell Captain felt a bit awkward about it as well while there.  He later shared that he was uncomfortable and felt like he was disrespecting another man’s house.  As much as I appreciate and understand the sentiment,  it annoyed me.  Captain didn’t annoy me.  Grayheart annoyed me.  (I need to speed up my damn divorce process.)

That night I went to my girlfriend’s house for a St. Patrick themed party.  There were about 7 couples and their kids as well as me and mine.  Kids played in the backyard and adults drank and ate.  We had a fantastic time.  Great hosts, great company, great food… just a great night altogether.  

It was a good week, friends!  Mama is getting her groove back! 😉

Mantra that week:  Who says you can’t have a life after divorce?

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Friday Night Fun – First Date with Captain

OMG!

I had the BEST first date experience with Captain of Match!

Let me back up though and just share how the night started.

Remember my things to do list?  Massive fail.  My hair was great but the manicurist who did my mani/pedi was blind as a bat and took forever to do my nails.  Which set off a chain reaction and eventually caused me to be almost 30 minutes late!

I rushed through my beautification process and threw on make up and got dressed.  And smudged my nails in the process.  So the very thing that made me late was completely a waste of time because I RUINED it!

I threw everything in my car into my trunk.  (I’m afraid to open it for fear of it spitting it all back out at me!)  And drove like a mad woman to the place.

I looked nice but it wasn’t my ‘A’ game.  It was like my ‘B’ game.  And I absolutely loathe being in a hurry.  So I was frazzled and nervous as hell when I parked.  Terrible first impression if your date is already 25 minutes late.  (Mind you, he drove an hour and twenty minutes to see me.)

Our plan was to meet at World of Beer.  I felt like it was a safe bet because if it went poorly, we would have our drinks and leave.  If it went well, we could continue on with dinner in the area.

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The moment I walked up to the beer bar, I saw him seated outside and was floored by how handsome he was!  He was cuter than his pictures! Dark hair, twinkly brown eyes, clean and neat appearance… not to mention what looked like a nice, hard bod underneath it all.  Swoon!!!

I walked up with a big smile, swinging my hips and let my long hair flow freely so that he could really feel my presence as I walked up. We gave each other a big hug hello and then sat down.

Nerves kicked in!

This is where my foot-in-mouth disease commenced.  And my clumsiness.  And the freaking inability of mine to not talk with my hands at rapid speed (condition exacerbated with nerves).

I couldn’t at first look him in the eyes because I felt like he was staring and that makes me über self conscious.  I busied myself with the menu and was just talking nonsense.  In which I kicked the wobbly table as I tried to cross my legs.  Teeter totter, teeter totter (when is it going to stop?!).  When my drink arrived, I spilled it. Twice.  He was actually laughing at me at this point.  And called me out on my nervousness!  (I’m crimson at this point.). But he kept saying he loved it because it put him at ease.

We chatted and had nice steady conversation.   Unfortunately, he did ask about my divorce, which I’m really  still separated, and expressed dissatisfaction that I was still legally married.  He has been divorced for about 5 years now.  His wife cheated on him.  He seems to be huge on honesty – which I love – since he was obviously very hurt by the infidelity.  We quickly changed topics and moved on to other things.

Very soon into the date, he asked if I was interested in dinner later in the evening.  (YES! And dessert…my brain and loins screamed!)  We finished our beer at WOB and then stopped by a bar at a nearby Italian restaurant to grab a glass of wine.  We were sitting pretty close to each other at the bar so that our legs were touching side by side.  I was feeling much more comfortable and chill at this point.  I wasn’t knocking down anything or tripping.  There was lots of music playing and you all know how I love to dance.  There was no dancing but I couldn’t stop from feeling like I was in a groove.

We held hands as we walked to the little Cuban restaurant in the area.  We had a great dinner and the convo was flirty and fun.  After dinner we walked around the town center (over this adorable bridge in which my heels got stuck in… why was I born with no grace?!) back to the bar at the Italian restaurant and had another glass of wine.  At this point we were sitting on the stools very closely facing each other.  Our legs were practically intertwined and he was playing with my hair and rubbing my arms.  (My ovaries were about to burst from damn excitement!)

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Finally, sometime after 1 a.m. he walked me back to my car.  We were saying our good-byes and all I know is I somehow ended up pressed against my car as he was kissing me.  That probably lasted about 15-20 minutes (I was good; all we did was kiss!) and I felt like I was REBORN!  Despite feeling disoriented, dazed and high as hell, I somehow managed the drive back home.  I should, also, mention that the moment I got in the car, he sent me a text message that said “you’re amazing.”

Cupid, I’ve been struck.
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First Date Things to Do List

First date tonight with Captain from Match!

The smile on my face today extends from ear to ear! And I haven’t even met the guy yet! It is just so exciting since I haven’t gone on a date with anyone but Grayheart in over a decade!

Here’s the thing, I’m not nervous that it won’t go well. I am a people person. I love getting to know new people. I am confident that my personality tends to win people over. I can work with the most difficult of characters. I don’t mean this in a conceited way… I just think people are my “thing.” Even if I don’t like Captain or he doesn’t like me, just the fun of getting ready and getting to meet a new friend is enough for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I am hopeful that we have a good connection and he likes me so it’s time to bring out my A game! I gotta pull out the Miami swag, Cuban flair and female wiles I was born with!

Look at all the crap I have to do! Beyoncé may have woken up “Flawless” but I sure as hell didn’t! My to do list:

Get my hair blow dried. Done!
– Mani/pedi (In process!)
– Fix my eyebrows
– Get my car cleaned because it looks like my kids use the car seats as plates (for the record, we are meeting there but just in case he walks me to my car, I DO NOT want him to run away in fear of Hurricane Andrew Part II).
– Exfoliate my skin
– Shave my legs
– Lotion up so I’m not ashy (dry skin sucks!)
– Obsess over every imperfection, line, extraneous hair… $&@#%!
– Make sure my outfit is on point… Just enough boobage, tight skinny jeans, HIGH heels… (Thank God for push up bras, I’d just like to say here.)
– Make-up needs to say sexy but not overdone.
– Jewelry … Can’t look like a gypsy. Sometimes we overdo it with hoops and bangles…
– Smell like a million bucks!
– Pack my purse (gum, makeup, mase, money, keys, ID, extra deodorant, wipes, perfume, lotion, floss, toothbrush/paste… I know, I know, I’m overdoing it but you never be too prepared?)
– Leave the house with the confidence of Beyoncé!

Whew! I’m exhausted just reciting it!

Key here: Make it look like it was an effortless appearance! (Yes, men… I know, we women are such liars.)

I will walk up to him like I am comfortable in my own skin and “woke up like this… Flawless!”

Unless he stands me up. LOL!

If that happens, I’ll continue my Friday Night Fun tradition of going to that bar I usually go to with my friend, Jazz!

Wish me luck! (And let me know if I missed anything!)

Xoxo

Online Dating… Normal(ish) Guys

I’ve joked quite a bit about some of the funny things I’ve seen while on Match.  But there have been a few guys I’ve allowed to get to door number 2.

Julius – Nice guy. Teacher.  Normal looking. Smart.  In his early 40s.  Divorced with no kids.  He’s looking for a real girlfriend.  I talk to him since he seems like a sincere guy.  I’ll eventually grab drinks with him but I’m not there yet.  Just not interested enough to take it there.  Though he’s very eager to meet.

Arizona –  Cute.  Mid-Thirties.  Cocky.  Never been married and no kids.  So this guy is heavy on the compliments but pretty much let me know that since I don’t have a lot of time to date, I needed a lover.  Him, of course.  Proceeded to send me a bathroom selfie of him with his towel waaay low.  I haven’t really followed back up with him but I do get several “hey sexy” text messages.  I haven’t totally written him off because if I can’t handle my 2015 year of celibacy, I have a decent contender for the job.

FireFighter – Super hot guy!  40.  Divorced with kids.  He lives about 45 minutes away and is tall, dark and handsome… Although I’d take him for me in a minute, I have a gorgeous single friend that lives in his same city and she’d look perfect with him!  He seemed nice so… I sent him today her picture in hopes I could hook them up! LOL!  Yes, I’m now playing matchmaker on a matchmaking service.

And here’s the one I’m actually excited about…

Captain – Handsome, laid back and cool. Owns charter fishing business.  Late 30s.  Divorced with no kids. He lives in the Keys so he’s about an hour away from where I am.  I’ve really enjoyed talking to him!  He’s been respectful, fun, funny and eager to meet.  So I’m going on my first Match date!  Shoot, first date altogether!

We are set to meet up this evening.  Drinks and then possibly dinner if all goes well.  Crossing my fingers it’s fun!  I am soooo looking forward to my first date since being dumped by my own husband.  I’ll keep y’all posted!  Wish me luck!

Online Dating – Three Weeks into it!

I’ve been on Match now three weeks.  Three weeks almost feels like an eternity.  I feel as if I’ve seen all the available “Match” men in South Florida.  So what initially was a tool for potential dates is now a form of entertainment for me and my girlfriends (and my blogging buds!).  Here’s what I’ve learned up to this point:


I can’t keep track of these guys. It’s not because I’m sooo popular (I promise, I’m not humblebragging); it’s that you see a picture of a person and may read their profile and then there’s a hundred other guys with similar things on their profile or a similar look. Some just don’t stand out and if you have a terrible memory like I do, fuggedaboutit!  A spreadsheet like my friend, Oh2bhuman, recommended is not a bad idea at all..

I’ve been approached by a few guys that live out of the area.  Seems like they want a booty call when they come in to Miami.  Not a bad idea on their part.  I was just surprised by the concept of people from GA, NY or TX messaging me even though I live in Miami.

I’ve now pissed off a few people.  One guy so kindly wrote me after he didn’t get a reply to one of his messages:

The decisions we make are true reflections of who we are inside…thank you for passing judgment on me before knowing who I am.” (Seriously, dude, get your passive aggressive ass steppin!)

Some guys actually message you multiple times with the SAME message.  Over and over and over again.  I can’t figure out this tactic.  Is it they forget they’ve messaged you?  Are they purposely being annoying?  Do they think I’m dumb?  One guy has sent me this message 4 times within the last three weeks!

“Hi. Cinderella has nothing on you. Hope the slipper fits. Talk to you soon.”  (No, homie, you will not be talking to me soon.  You have no game, lame lines and are already annoying?  Nope, nope, nope.)

There are poets on Match!  Or maybe this one is a life coach and a poet?  Either way, another dude that sent 4 messages within 24 hrs!

“Life is to be shared with someone YOU hold precious.  Therefore — in short, I believe life is an acronym meaning:  Love Inside Fully Expressed.  So, please, start (your life) everyday by expressively showing the love you deserve – then if desired; that [someone] will come.  Remember — dont’ forget to SMILE… you wear it well. (Crickets.  I can soooo hear my bud, Skipah, warning me to run fast!)

Finally, a Public Service Announcement To All Men On Match!

If your profile picture has:

* You in sunglasses = You have something to hide and must therefore not be cute. (Hats can fall into this category as well.)
*You looking half asleep = I know you don’t have any friends.
*You with a bunch of sexy women around you = I know that you try too hard and are lame.
*No profile pic = You must be married or in a relationship.  Not wasting my time with you, buh-bye!
*You in a bunch of bathroom selfies half naked = You’d likely send me a dick pic soon after interacting so… no thanks, douchebag.  Save it for Twitter’s #EggplantFriday if you want that kind of attention.


I don’t know if it’s because I have a weird sense of humor but online dating has been a hoot!   I’ll do a follow up post soon about the normal guys I’ve actually met on here.  These are so much more fun, though!  😉

I got Catfished!

Online dating should be pretty easy and straightforward, right?  It’s become so popular that there’s a lot of “normal” people on there… or so I thought!

I was messaged by this incredibly handsome and fit guy named Mike.  I nicknamed him “Magic Mike” as you can see why.

Yummy!  Nice smile, totally buff, seems nice…so he asks me for my phone number… says he’s moving from NY to Miami and has been trying to get to know people before his move.  I’m like “YESSSSS! How the hell did I get so lucky?!  Too good to be true!”  (Yep, that’s right, little voice of reason.)  

So after a day or two of texting, which involved heavy flirting and the delicious sense that I was gonna get me some of those rippling abs in the very near future – I started feeling that something was “off.”  (Grrr!)

First, his grammar was awful. (I associated this with the lack of brains due to his beauty.  You cannot be gifted on both sides!)  Then, while he claimed was all open to talking on the phone or FaceTiming, he would disappear or give an excuse when I asked to do so. And, finally, he was vague when answering questions on his plans for Miami upon arrival.  Seemed strange that someone making such a move would be so disorganized about the whole thing.

We’d chat about taking pictures/selfies and he sent me this picture.

He said he was working out one evening and so he sent this picture.  (Shit!  His abs have abs!)


While I planned my future escapades with this fine specimen, I was doing my internet research. I checked online for the logo of the gym he was at. Couldn’t find anything in New York.  I searched his phone number. Nada.  I started to do the reverse image search but couldn’t get it to work on my cell phone.  So after boasting about Magic Mike’s beauty to my inner circle of family and friends… my brother calls me laughing hysterically!  His boyfriend actually follows this guy on Instagram! Yep!  Magic Mike is actually Mike Thurston, fitness trainer/Insta model in LONDON!  (Check him out on FB: https://www.facebook.com/mikethurstonofficial or Instagram: http://instagram.com/mikethurston)

I was communicating with an imposter that was using this man’s images!  Thank goodness luck was on my side and my brother in law knew who this guy was!  Now it was time for me to flip the script on the Catfisher!  Catfishee became the catfisher!

What did I do?  Over the next few days I kept flirting with him and started getting really really needy.  Like, weird needy.  Then I started asking him for money.  Saying I was a single mom that needed the help.  He was freaking out!  Finally, I told him that I needed the money for my “final surgery” because I was in the midst of transitioning from a man to a woman.

(*Disclaimer: I have no problems with transgendered community but I knew it’d freak him out.)

I told him that the pics I posted from Match were of a friend of mine and that I hoped he’d forgive me for the lie.  He responded with “Ahhh! I am NOT interested, bye.  Thanks for posting fake pictures of yourself.”  Dude had the nerve to get pissy for faking him out! LOL!  My final message to him (before I finally blocked him) was a screen shot of Mike Thurston’s facebook page.  I told him that if I was ever in London, I’d be sure to look him up!  (I wanted him to know I was on to his game.)

With a bit more research, we traced the phone number to some loser that lives in Kissimmee, FL with a last name of Patel.  Very far off from Mr. Thurston.  There’s an address associated with this guy so I’m going to send him a very special gift…Glitter!

For those of you that haven’t seen “Ship Your Enemies Glitter“, check it out!  It’s soooo worth the $10! 

Moral of the story?  Trust your gut instinct.  If it’s too good to be true, it usually is!  And research the heck out of anyone you meet (online or in person).  And if you get catfished, don’t be a victim!  Fire back anyway you can!  I ended up having such a laugh with this experience!

And at least Mike Thurston has a new follower on social media!  Maybe a few after this post! 😉

Online Dating – One Week Down

I have not yet been insulted, kidnapped, killed or bestowed some sort of computer virus in the last week of online dating. (Real concerns of mine as I monitored my Match profile from my phone app. Not reasonable considering I haven’t met anyone in person but you never know what kind of NSA spying skills these dudes may have.)

I subscribed to the service where you get a fake phone number through the service so you don’t have to give out your real number. $3.33 per month. Let me just say that it’s been a complete waste of money because I could not figure out how the heck to use it!

I’ve not gone on any dates yet but I’ve communicated with a few guys that seem pretty nice so far.  Let’s see who my first will be…

Here’s what I’ve learned of the process so far:

  • You probably give others more of a chance than you would in person because you don’t have a “vibe” from them yet.  I’ve chatted with folks I probably wouldn’t give the time of day to in real life but since the pool of overly attractive interesting people is slim, you give some dubious ones a shot at some online convo.
  • Catfishing is real!!  I will do a follow up post soon about it but I got catfished!  (The story is hilarious!)  I’m no dummy and have great luck on my side so I wasn’t a victim but you must do your research beforehand! And go with your gut!
  • Screenshot/take a picture of someone you think is interesting (photo/bio) so that you don’t have to keep going to their profile.  Match shows you who has “viewed” you so if you view someone frequently you’ll look like a stalker!
  • Pictures are everything!
  • Messages with just “hi” or “how are you” get no response or the exact same response back. (B-O-R-I-N-G!)
  • I finally ignore the guys I’m not interested in.  A good friend described it as taking in stray cats.  Once you do, you can’t get rid of them.  It’s a good analogy so as rude as it may seem… I am not responding to people I’m not interested in.
  • You will inevitably come across people you know.  SO awkward!  I was viewed by a guy I went to high school with (cringe), messaged by a guy that one of my best friends dated (I called him out on that!) and then “randomly matched” with a guy I used to work with (no!)…

Here are a few more gems for shits and giggles!

The Chuck Woollery of Match.com:
“Okay, let’s say it’s gonna be a chill “Netflix” night… What movie are we going to watch and what should I order for takeout – Thai, Chinese, or ___?”  (This is already after two questions on what my ideal vacation and getaway would be!  Wth? Is this the Love Connection?!  I almost responded we’d be back in two in two! lol! But I followed my new rule of no replies to the rejects.)

This guy’s got jokes:
“Hey there miss Athena, hope you and your kids had a wonderful day…. What did the knife say to the potato? lol”  (Poor guy has resorted to lame jokes to stand out? smh…)

This guy got a reply because he’s the first to make me laugh out loud (which I now regret because he’s a damn stray and doesn’t stop messaging me!):
“Hello Athena,
This is the first time I have ever written a Goddess. And while I am comforted by the idea that as the Goddess of Wisdom, you will be able to discern my intellect, sense of humor and ability to carry on an entertaining conversation, I also realize you are the Goddess of War and I must tread carefully, lol.
Hope you are having an excellent week. It was my pleasure to have you show up in my daily matches. You have a captivating and energetic smile and look like someone who would be a lot of fun to hang out with and have a lot of laughs.
So, since you like to read, my ridiculously long profile shouldn’t scare you. And if anything I wrote makes you chuckle or makes me stand out from the ocean of posers on this site, I would love it if we could converse some more.
I pray to Zeus’ blessed forehead that you would feel the same.  Let me know if sacrificing a small goat in your name would help.  Have a great day beautiful goddess and protector of Athens!”

My first online proposal
“My name is J. will you marry me?? ;)”

Today’s Mantra:  Today I will let loose. I’m going to approach someone I think is cute… maybe.  (Trying to go out of my comfort zone.)