Captain – One Year Later

Captain and I recently celebrated our one year anniversary. It’s hard to believe that what started as a connection on Match.com has turned into a really wonderful and healthy relationship. 

 
Captain was married once before. His ex-wife suffers from bipolar disorder.  He took care of her and they loved each other a great deal.  At some point, though, she was out of town and had an affair/one-night stand during a manic episode there. She, of course, regretted the indiscretion and hid it for some time.  

Well, we all know the saying: The truth always comes out.  It crushed him when he found out. That was the one and only thing he said he’d never forgive. Captain immediately filed for divorce. The marriage lasted about 3 years and she probably hid her secret for almost a year. He couldn’t forgive her infidelity. He felt as if he’d been played for a fool.

Fidelity, loyalty and trust are important traits for him. The lessons he learned from his divorce have given him a no-nonsense view on what to expect and how to be in a relationship. He’s never played games with me and holds himself to as high of standards as he holds me. I appreciate this and easily follow suit.   

  
Most of you know my story and how my husband, Grayheart, broke my heart.  The separation, albeit tough, was not the most devastating aspect of the whole situation since I’d been unhappy for a long time.  It was the start of the emotional affair with his co-worker whore/later-turned-girlfriend, Raggedy, and the sneakiness that really did me in.  

  
I was pushed out of my comfy, predictable life and all of a sudden thrown into a whirlwind of uncertainties and emotions. I didn’t think I would fall in love again and I, sure as shit, did not think I’d ever trust a man.  I figured I’d casually date for years until one day I’d meet a quality guy I’d like to spend time with. And then the universe knocked me on my ass and connected me with a man that made my heart skip a beat.  

Captain’s past experiences, kindness and love for me really have given me faith.  I believe that there might actually be good and valiant men out there that are capable of cherishing a deserving woman.  I trust this man more with my feelings than I ever have any man.  I grew up hearing that relationships were incredibly hard work.  And so I tolerated so much crap from Grayheart thinking that’s what marriage was. But what if they don’t have to be that hard?  

What if good relationships were meant to navigate the tough times together and keep each other lifted when the outside world threw challenges at you?  

What if you could be two different people but co-exist well together without bringing each other down?

I had moments like that during my marriage but the majority of it was weighed down by Grayheart’s negativity.  But I trucked on… because that’s what marriage was?

I am wiser now, I’d like to think. I value things differently and am a better partner as a result of a failed marriage. I’d like to think that Captain and I work so well together because we both appreciate the things we previously took for granted. I promised myself that I will never put my relationship in cruise control. 

So, if there’s one good thing that’s come out of this experience, it’s not just finding but really appreciating a man like Captain. 

 

How did we celebrate our one year anniversary? We re-did our first date. It was just as magical. This time, though, I took him home with me! 😉

  
Thanks for letting me be gushy. Lol! Here’s to love! 🍾
XO

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81 thoughts on “Captain – One Year Later

  1. What a beautiful story Athena. And many congratulations on your anniversary. Here’s to many and many more with your Captain 🙂 the saying is always true, once you close one door, many open up. I love the photos, especially the last one. Even though your eyes are concealed, your faces say it all. 😍😍😍

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Here’s to love, indeed! I tell people all the time, especially here, that we aren’t all shit. Some of us value one woman, for the long-haul. Good and bad, happy and sad. As long as its with her, I’m good. I hope y’all have that too. I’m not sure what I ever did to deserve it, but I’d wish it for everyone. Congrats on the anniversary! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I love this post! Happy 1 year and cheers to many more + the engagement and wedding 😉 lol

    You know, I find myself at times wondering why people complicate relationships and love when it can be simple and easy going. I’ve been married 9 years and it’s been easy. Sure there are problems here and there but nothing we can’t/won’t tackle together. And we support one another and encourage each other to be and do better and grow wiser.

    I’m glad you and Captain fund each other. And even with those hearts and stars disguising you I can tell you’re both a great looking couple. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lmao! Planning my future for me? Love it! Lol!

      It’s inspiring to hear people can be together and be compatible without feeling like the other person is draining you. I know you’ve always said such wonderful things about your husband and I know you’re a quality woman. It’s just about finding that right fit with someone that is mature and wise. I really didn’t realize this before but I’m glad I have now. Whether captain is my forever or not, I’ll never settle for anything less. Cheers to you for finding that with your hubby.
      And thanks for the compliment… Making me blush… 😘😘😘❤️❤️❤️

      Liked by 1 person

      • Got the future and your invites planned out…Grayheart’s invite unfortunately will get lot in the mail :p or we can always give him a front row seat to your happiness.

        Yes, I think the recipe is finding someone that you mesh with in more ways than one. Someone you can learn from and they you and be open to embracing what we can share, give and create together, and want to be and do better with them. I think sometimes we get lost in the illusion of what love and a relationship should be and that’s when we are destained to fail. It’s ok to accept our partners and sometimes sacrifice for them but never lose ourselves and our happiness because of them, there must be a balance.

        I am as always rooting for you and Captain to fly all the way to happy ever after. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

        • Absolutely. The illusion of love vs reality creates false expectations… Ones impossible to live up to. Once you realize what you should really value and appreciate, I think it makes it easier to find the right partner. Striking a balance with someone that is not selfish and grows with you is incredibly important.

          Thank you for your endless support and really sweet thoughts. You are wise and thoughtful and fun and funny… I love hearing from you. Xoxoxo

          Like

    • Thanks, Caroline. I truly appreciate it. It’s weird to say it aloud because I sometimes think I’ll jinx it but I am really proud of my relationship. I feel like I finally got it right after so many years of feeling the complete opposite. I think I’m still in shock at times that someone can actually love me like this and know me so well. Your self esteem suffers so much when you are with someone for so long that manipulates you. I know we’ve talked about it before so I won’t drone on… but you know what I mean. Xo 😘

      Liked by 1 person

      • I know that feeling that you will jinx yourself. Honestly though, whoever wants to stay in your life will stay, whoever wants to go will leave. Captain totally seems like he’s in it to win it LOL. I hope one day to find what you have. ❤️❤️❤️

        Liked by 1 person

  4. This post made me smile, and today has been a day where it has been quite hard to smile. “One day this pain will make sense to you”. Here’s hoping. And happy anniversary! I hope you have many more!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks, my friend. I appreciate the kind words. And I’m glad you smiled because I know how hard it has been for you going through your divorce. It’s taken me a bit to get here but it’s nice to finally be on the other side of heartbreak. I’m holding my hand out to you excited for your arrival there as well. Xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  5. La Sabrosona says:

    Wow! I remember reading your post about your first date with Captain. I remember how happy and gushy you were. I’m so happy to hear that you’re such a good fit. Muchas bendiciones. You are one beautiful lady, and Captain is muy guapo :-D.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oh, this made me smile as I walked home after the school drop. Anyone driving by probably thought I was an utter nutter .. but I was just soooo happy for you and for Captain … and for your kids too. And I felt that, whilst I’m nowhere near wanting ANY connection yet, I love, love, LOVE to hear that it can happen!!

    And I value your words about the realisation that what you had, and what you thought was ‘normal’, was not!

    Congrats to you both. I wish you much happiness for the future. Look after each other xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, my lovely friend. I truly appreciate the love. It took a long time to realize all these things and now I know not to take it for granted and to never settle again. My therapist warned me a year and a half ago… “We will make sure that when you start dating, you will not repeat the same pattern. People tend to do so because they go towards what’s familiar to them.” And those words really were burned into my brain. I’ll never allow myself to be that unhappy or be mistreated again. And I wish that for all my beautiful friends here that have been burned because we’ve proven we are strong and never need to take anyone’s shit again. I’d rather be alone than be taken for granted. Ok. I’m off my soapbox now! Lol!

      Thanks for your friendship. I really love our little community. ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I love this. It gives everyone hope and we all need hope. Yes, I thought that for a long time that marriage was supposed to be hard so I tolerated. I wasn’t perfect, but I loved without fail because I was told that it would get better. I think the most important thing I would tell anyone is that love shouldn’t hurt. It shouldn’t belittle. It shouldn’t lie. It shouldn’t steal. If it does, get out now. That’s not love.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Thanks, Tikeetha. You say it well. It should not involved any of these things. If it does, then the person puts their selfish needs before anything else and/or doesn’t mind hurting their loved one. And that’s not real love. So, yes, to anyone: get out fast!!
      Makes me wonder if as women we tend to tolerate this more often? Are we socialized to be this way? Are we more gullible? I wasn’t perfect either but I was faithful and certainly would put my ex first and did anything in my power to make him happy.
      Thanks for the support and good thinking points. 🙂 xo

      Liked by 2 people

      • I totally think we’re socialized to believe that. I can’t be perfect but being faithful shouldn’t be hard in a marriage. I know. I speak from personal experience. My child’s father wasn’t faithful. Twice. I forgave the first time and I was done the second. Combined with all the BS behavior I thought it best my son grows up knowing the best part of me. The happy part that isn’t in a f**ked up marriage.

        Liked by 2 people

        • I’m with you! And Munch will be better for it. I never wanted my kids to think this was how a woman should be treated nor how they should treat a partner. My ex was not faithful either in a number of different ways and I should’ve realized then what a farce it was. Lessons learned…

          Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m SO happy for you guys! It just goes to show that if you are true to yourself, allow yourself to love again, and keep your standards high, life can surprise you with just the person you need.

    I remember feeling surprised with the ease of my relationship with my now husband, too, who was also divorced. We each chose the wrong person for our first marriage that ended up being just the right person to prep us to appreciate the quirks in each other. i.e. She was unloving and not affectionate, while I over do it. He knows what the opposite is like, so we are able to cherish each other fully. What a wonderful thing!

    To many more years blissful happiness! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Isn’t it freaking amazing after being cheated on that you find someone in the same boat and completely trust with out the least bit of insecurity? I was like you and thought there is no freaking way I will ever trust someone with everything about me. It’s such a liberating feeling, and hearing Greyheart is a lonely schmuck spending too much time in the bathroom reading the Frederick’s of Hollywood catalog is icing on the cake. If you been dating the captain for a year that means we’ve known each other that long………..YIKES time flies! Yay you for finding a good man and getting out of murky online waters of online dating ASAP!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Heck yeah! Very liberating… It’s such a relief to know there are good people out there. ❤️
      And yes! We’ve known each other now over a year! So happy anniversary to us as well! Lol! 😉

      Like

  10. This was so sweet to read! There’s really nothing like a sincere, gushing proclamation about love when it’s so well deserved, and it seems like your Captain is definitely deserving of it. I love that both of you went through heart break but used it to figure out what you truly wanted. You took the lessons you learned and poured yourselves into this relationship. I’m sure you were really cautious too in the beginning because of all the hurt from the marriage and because you have children but you were willing to still try and something very beautifully unfolded as a result!! Happy Anniversary to you!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Aw, thanks, Kaye! I was incredibly cautious and guarded at the beginning but he won me over. And the damn butterflies in my stomach wouldn’t let up. I couldn’t not be around him! 🙂 Thanks for the kind words and warm wishes. Put a big smile on my face. 🙂 xo

      Like

  11. This is awesome. I love how I’ve read about him from the beginning and seeing where this is now is really cool. Good for you. And yes, I’m still jealous that you spend some of your time in the keys.

    My one year is in two months. Ee also are planning to re-do the first date.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. zareenn3 says:

    I’m probably the last person to comment here but anyway:
    even with the blurred faces I’m sure you’re quite the couple and I am beyond happy for you guys since I was there when you started dating him. It was right around the time I met someone special too.

    I am so happy for you! Good luck, babe! ❤ And congrats!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. This is EXCELLENT. Coming back from divorce is tough because you have to find somewhere else to leave the baggage. Lessons good, baggage bad. And yet so difficult to separate! Good on you.

    Liked by 1 person

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