Bizarre evening 

*This is a longer than usual post, sorry!*

Last week, Grayheart had the kids all day for Presidents’ Day.  He took them to a museum and then ran errands.

By the time he got them back to me that evening, he looked like he’d been through the battle of his life. His eyes were red and sunken, his face aged 10 years and his posture looked deflated. This was a man that looked defeated.  

I asked how the kids had behaved with him.

His response as he plopped into the dining room seat? 

“They were awful. They don’t listen. They fight constantly. It was overwhelming.”

Then he started to tear up! Literally tears springing to his eyes and trickling down his cheeks. 

I was shocked. This is not a man that shows emotion easily. 

I stood there frozen facing him as I had absolutely no idea what to do. He seemed so broken and sad. Here is a man I once loved, my former best friend, the father of my kids crying in front of me. My first inclination was to hug and console him. But I couldn’t move.

I was worried the moment would’ve turned into an attempt on his part to kiss me or have too heartfelt of an embrace.

I have absolutely no interest in that for a number of reasons.

So I was relieved when my son called for me and I ran into the other room to tend to him. Grayheart escaped to the bathroom to gather himself.

When he returned, he announced his departure and I walked him out.

“What is wrong, Grayheart?”

“This is hard. I try to make the most of my time with them. I don’t have them as often as you do. I’ve spent my whole day yelling at them or separating them from fighting. Then, I’m cleaning after them a bunch… It’s hard to spend quality time.”

I almost laughed out loud at this. These were many of my concerns when we first separated. Although it’s tough being outnumbered, I’ve managed well. 

He continues, while still crying, “I guess this is what happens when you have a split household.” Followed by a big sigh and him looking sideways at me.

I’m still uncomfortably awkward and feeling bad for him and confused. So I end with, “Yup. Yeah. I guess so…Well, let me know what I can do to help make it better with the kids.”

  

———————————

I know exactly what’s happened here. I hadn’t written about it because, frankly, I didn’t care enough. But him and Raggedy Ann broke up last month. He didn’t tell me but I could sense it. He has been different. 

So he’s a bit down about the whole thing. He sees himself alone and having possibly made a bad decision.

Then, Valentine’s Day rolls around and Grayheart drops by to give the kids their cards and chocolates. What does he pop in on? My lovey little brood having a blast playing kickball with me and Captain in my backyard of what used to be “our” home. We are nice to him but it’s definitely an awkward moment. (Kids were pleased as punch. They had no clue.)

Captain & my son playing ball

All of a sudden, he’s an outsider to his own family. He not only sees his family having a great time with another man but at that moment he realized his role as man of the house was backfilled with my boyfriend. He gets the kids the next day and nothing goes right. The family unit feels lopsided and missing something… me!

Now, let me just say that Grayheart is a great dad. He will never be “replaced” as Daddy by any man. I don’t play games with my kids or him about it. A partner on either side is a bonus.

Let me also clarify that I didn’t get the impression he was trying to hit on me. But I do think he was feeling me out since he was incredibly sad. And I’m not falling for it. 

Grayheart will never change. The grass will always be greener on the other side. He’ll always want someone to feed his ego. And he’ll always be a dick. And moody. And selfish. 

I wouldn’t have chosen this life for my kids. My ideal situation would have been us as a strong/functioning/happy intact family without all this hurt.

But I’m better and happier than I’ve been in a verrrrrry long time. And I don’t think it’s a superficial type of happiness. I’ve worked really hard on healing from the inside out. The last year and a half has taught me a lot: I’m better without him as a partner. 

Stay tuned. I don’t think this is over. 

xo

  

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65 thoughts on “Bizarre evening 

    • Exactly. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. And disappointing for a man that is usually so smart.
      This is real life, not a game. The midlife crisis cliche is a cliche for a reason. He wasn’t going to all of a sudden find this great life and happiness outside of his family. He needed to work on himself. Not find a temporary bandaid with some idiot girl. Argh.

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  1. I am still waiting patiently for my moment. Two actually…the first when he and his whore break up and divide that family they tried to build on lies and deceit and two, when my ex walks in on me and my man being a REAL family with the girls. Every so often I can tell when he’s having a remorseful moment, but then it gets removed by entitlement and selfishness.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You make a good point. Patience. I stopped actively wishing them bad and stopped focusing on them. And when I stopped caring and really started healing, is when God thought I was ready. I’m glad it happened now, because I can’t say I would’ve been as strong over a year ago.

      You know your ex, if you sense it every so often, it’s real. Yours is coming. And I will be standing up clapping the day you shut the door in his face after he cries to you and you tell him you don’t want or ever need his sorry ass. Xo

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Well, as is usually the case, the grass isn’t greener. He’s reaping what he sowed now. You can be empathetic. But be wary of any mixed signals to him. In some way, it’s probably a little satisfying to you though, right? This is his doing, not yours. Regrets suck, but he’s gotta live with them.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I’m definitely sympathetic but am somewhat enjoying that he now understands a fraction of what I felt. The casualties were still the kids, even with as well as we’ve handled that. So I don’t get joy out of that. His lesson to learn but yet so many others hurt as a result. Seems naive and dumb on his part to have thought it wouldn’t catch up to him.

      Thanks for the support. I like hearing what men have to say. 🙂

      Liked by 3 people

      • I’ll never truly understand what leads to that depth of betrayal and the collateral damage that results. My parents divorced when I was 7. Changed my world and created shit that I had zero control over. I feel their pain.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Me neither! My parents divorced when I was 17. Devastating for me. Not saying you must do everything for your kids. But knowing the damage caused, why don’t more people think beforehand? Especially when soon thereafter the end is the same? The guilty always having regret?
          I’m glad that you took your experience and became a better husband and father as a result. 🙂

          Liked by 1 person

        • I vowed I’d stay single rather than bounce around from wife to wife. If they aren’t the right person, you know it. And if that’s the case, you end it. Fucking around solves nothing. Only hurts, including the one doing the fucking around! I swore I’d only marry once. If it didn’t work out, that’s it! So far so good. 😃

          Liked by 1 person

  3. They always come back but most of the time… too late, because we’ve already move on 😉 It was probably a bad timing for him, for all the reasons you explained. I hope the return to reality is not too painful for him. He deserves it anyway :p

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I love that cat on the motorcycle lol!
    Life just has these weird twists and turns. He is having a low phase, and it’s no longer your job to pick up the pieces. I’m glad you realize that. You had no choice but to move on after he did what he did. This is the bed he made. You deserve a man who will treat you with love and kindness. I’m glad u found one ☺️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Isn’t that cat funny?! Lmao!

      Life sure is strange. And, thank you. Yes, I do deserve a better man. (We all do!) I thought about this a lot over the last week. Why would I want a man that had to lose me to appreciate me? I have a man right now that knows what he has and does everything possible to show his appreciation of me. It’s a no brainier. Even if I didn’t have Captain, knowing what I know now, I could never allow myself to be weighed down by my ex (or any man for that matter) ever again!

      Xo

      Liked by 2 people

  5. I’m glad you didn’t give in to his play for sympathy. Enjoy your happy life and hope that he gets happy too – kids always benefit from two adjusted parents, and it sounds like he’s going through a major readjustment.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I don’t mean to make light of your situation, but this is a really interesting narrative you have going on here and you tell it very well. You’re a great storyteller.

    Personally, I think you were very considerate when you consoling him. You could have easily sent mixed signals (even if you’re sure of what you want/need). Having compassion for people that hurt you is incredibly challenging, but it’s good for your soul (in a spiritual way, not a religious way).

    Anyway, congratulations on an engaging blog and, more importantly, finding a way to endure a horrible situation and coming through it better. I don’t know that I would be able to be as strong as you if my marriage fell apart. I admire you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s very sweet of you to say. I really appreciate the compliments you give!
      It’s been a tough road but keeping my head held high has been very important. And the spiritual healing is what counts, right? 🙂 Thanks for the thoughtful comment. Xo

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I had such a similar experience with my ex, too. Even if they walked out without looking back and left you heartbroken, it seems when they see you happy, healed, and with someone else then they finally realize and regret what they lost. Even though I had healed and moved on and knew nothing had changed on his end, it still messed with my head.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yep, so true. I’ve moved on but now the whole thing is in my head. And seeing him so depressed makes me worried about him. I wish I could turn off all emotion but I still care for him. Just not in a romantic way.
      What is that saying? The worst thing you can do to a person is show them indifference, I think. Something about reaching that point of no longer caring really messes with their ego. I didn’t think it was going to happen in my case but it seems to be the same old story, just different people.

      Thanks for stopping by. Nice to hear from you. 🙂 xo

      Like

  8. After I left Loser, he did everything he could to try to “buy” my forgiveness. It was too late and I didn’t understand the sudden affection. My daughter said “you never know what you’ve go until it’s gone.” How true….he did eventually wander into a bar and pick up a tramp, so all is well for him.
    It’s okay to still care for your ex. That means you’re human and have a heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Eff him! This is what is known as the karma ninjas getting off their dead ass. Let him sulk, never forget he chose this crap. He willingly uprooted your life and the kids with no thought of remorse. He made his bed go freaking lie in it. You keep him involved in his children’s life and I commend you for that (and you know how I feel about father’s rights), it’s call Karma Greyheart and it is a beautiful thing to see first hand when it’s the cheater! Miss Madison has got to see it and the day I get to see it first hand nothing but two middle fingers are going up in the air! Sorry for the long comment, this just makes me smile from ear to ear :). Go kick rocks cheater Athena has moved on!

    Liked by 1 person

      • The best part is I already know it’s not perfect. I know she’s cheating on him (although can it be cheating if you’re sleeping with your husband from whom you’re not divorced?). And poor CF is telling our kids he can’t possibly give them their allowances anymore because he has to pay me so much now. I’m rolling my eyes at him already. The day *he* finds out this is all fantasy? Oh, that will be a blissful day.

        Liked by 1 person

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  12. A friend’s sister split up with her husband, its a very long story but the basic is he walked out of their home and left his wedding ring (taking all his clothes and his x box), my friend was right over there changing the lock and her sister a month down the line is happier, she never knew how unhappy she was.

    As a warning though, something which you have probably thought about, is that if he is not got his eyes on you, he may jump in the sack with the next lady, and then spend the next 18 months introducing your kids to a series of women.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sheesh. I hope not. I have thought about that but I think he will try to avoid hurting the kids in that way. At least I hope. Shit, I don’t know him anymore so who knows? I just hope not.
      I’m glad your friend’s sis is happier without the idiotic husband in her life. Good for her. Xo

      Liked by 1 person

      • You are right he might not, but it might be worth laying ground rules? But then you have the problem of its his time with the kids, you don’t have the right to tell him who he can and can’t see when he has them. But since you have done fantastic so far, I have no doubt that is going to continue 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

        • Thanks 🙂 We laid ground rules when we first separated and then reiterated once we were seriously dating. I hope it continues. I don’t want my kids to be victims because of this stupidity. Xo

          Liked by 1 person

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