Losing my mind a bit

So… I might be losing it a bit and am embarrassed to admit to the following over the last few days:

– Purposely ripped a hole in Grayheart’s shirt (that he looked handsome in) so that he couldn’t wear it again. He left it hanging on the desk while assembling Christmas gift for kids. It’s the same shirt he bought the night he first went out partying with co-workers, including Raggedy Ann, back in September.

– Got address to Raggedy Ann’s apartment and contemplated bad things to do to her place while she’s out of town… (I have not done anything; I’m not that crazy!)

– Went to airport long term parking places to see if I could find where he left his car while he left on his trip. I was going to break into it to see what I could find. All to no avail. And, frankly, I punked out after the first few floors of the garage. Ain’t nobody got time for that!

– Almost sent a nasty ass text to Grayheart basically wishing him and his whore herpes and death. (My sister talked me out of it.)

Sigh… The only good thing I can say is that I try to control my impulses so that I don’t act out on them. Most times at least. A few escape from time to time.

Today’s mantra: Don’t give him reason to say that you’re crazy.

32 thoughts on “Losing my mind a bit”

  1. Don’t let him ruin you! I confess I haven’t read much of your blog yet but based on this I’m judging he is in the wrong. Don’t let him make you the one in the wrong. Never drop your standards. You aren’t loosing your mind, to me you sound angry and upset and rightly so. I know exactly how that feels and it isn’t fun but I shouted and look where I am two years on! Trust me it isn’t fun. Hold your head high and remember whatever happens you were not to blame x x x

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    • Thanks so much! These words of encouragement are why this blog has been so helpful.
      I’m so hurt and angry and just sometimes fatigued by the whole situation. :/ I know it’s part of the process so I’m just trying to take it day by day.
      No worries on not having read everything. 🙂 After 9 yrs of marriage and two kids, my husband decided that he wasn’t happy. (I think it’s a midlife crisis.) So after lengthy talks about having an amicable divorce, i come to find out that the “lesbian” at work is who he started hooking up with as soon as he said he wanted a divorce. As if he had the green light to move forward.
      Did we have issues in our marriage? Yes. Do i have some responsibility in the failure of the relationship? Yes, of course. But i would’ve done anything to power through and fix us. He gave up and then hurt me. I feel very betrayed.
      That’s my long boring story. 😉

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      • Men seem prone to these midlife crisis event. A few friends I have seen split up as an apparent mutual agreement and within a very short space of time he’s off with some other woman. The grass isn’t always greener over there on the other side. ….

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        • Men. They’re really another species.
          What bothers me most is that he obviously started the flirtation and attraction before we separated so it made it a nice safety net to run to when we broke up. And then he gets to run wild and free while i mend my broken heart. I hope he is riddled with guilt and regret one day. And that i’ll be way over it at that time. The grass looks greener on the other side because it’s fertilized with bullshit! 😉

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      • I feel like I’m butting in, I guess I am, but I must say something: ” Of course you feel betrayed….. you have been. And, you have every right to be angry. Just don’t stay there. I would bet your an amazing person, just because you are able to type this stuff out! Keep it up, it’s healthier that way. If you were to take on the posture as : oh well, moving right along… then you’d be losing your mind. Be angry, sad, depressed and so forth. Just don’t hang out “there” too long!

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  2. Suffering extreme highs and lows, I impulsively (lows) cut my spouse with short don’t-you-know-type remarks. Sometimes, I am a jerk. However, the good things I say during my highs rarely matter after the lows. As you, I need to put time between thoughts and action. Thanks,
    Dale

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    • Dale – what continues to impress me about you is your commitment to your family (and self) to be a better you, regardless of the circumstances. Your ability to be so self aware and try to constantly improve is inspiring. Thanks for your reflections. I am trying so hard to do the right thing and sometimes it can be so difficult. But at least i know i’ll be able to look back with my head held high. 🙂

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  5. Thanks for finding my blog and following it! I am glad you did, as i may take the same step as you, and we all need support in times like this. Try to stay strong and think it’s all for the better…

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  6. BeckyDue says:

    My favorite quote… One I live by… “The Greatest Revenge is a Life Well Lived.”
    Leave him in your dust. Use him as a steppingstone to something better. Don’t worry about what he’s doing… pick yourself up, brush yourself off and make your life amazing! You are AMAZING!!!!

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    • Thanks, Becky! I’m really trying so hard to remind myself that I can’t worry about what he does. Sometimes it works, sometimes it does not. ;/ I figure with time it’ll get easier. But I certainly won’t stay sitting on the ground; I won’t let him see me down!
      And thank you! I love your motivational posts. You have such great spirit and have seem to accomplished so much. You are strong!! xo

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  8. I love this, i cant tell you how many times i want to do or say things to mine. Rise above!! My friends always tell me not to do anything that shows im still thinking about him, he will just enjoy it.
    Stay strong sista! xoxo
    And you are absolutely NOT losing your mind!

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    • Thanks, DJ! It’s all normal, right? 🙂 I’m trying! Thank goodness for friends and self respect. I cannot wait for the day I don’t care. That he won’t have control over how I feel.

      Have missed ya on your blog! Looking forward to you being back in action after the holidays. 😉 I wish you a wonderful new year! xo

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  9. Ha! Amazing what we think about in times like this. I often say to my sister-in-law: Thank God my mind can’t be read (by humans) I definitly would be in prison. 😀

    You will get your revenge when you’ve happily moved on ;D

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  11. My son-in-law cheated on my oldest daughter. She was devastated and plunged to a low that concerned me. However, she bounced back but not into his arms. You see, he wanted to make up. Right? Who does he think he is? He cheats on her and says sorry and thinks she will crawl back to him. She is better than that. Thanks for a great post!
    Dale. P.S. You are not crazy. He is!

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  12. Loved this. I’ve definitely contemplated many of those. I too have the OW address and contemplated sending all kinds of stuff.. lol.

    My sister has also talked me out of many crazy things I’d like to do.

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