I ate my way through Paris

Damn it.

I was warned. 

I was told of the decadent desserts and crusty loaves of bread and creamy cheeses and full bodied wines… And I still was not prepared to handle what came over me when I actually came face to face with these foods (or beverages)!

My senses were on overload! Bakeries are my thing, in general. And to have one on each corner… Nom, nom, nom.

Choux pastries & Eclairs…  

  

Gelato… 

Espresso and all other delicious French roasted coffee…

  

Cheese aplenty…

  

French baguettes, rich jams and marmalades…

  

Bordeaux and Chardonnays…Nutella filled crepes…croissants…macarons…

And that’s not all of everything I tried!  How do the French stay so damn thin?

I’m now in detox mode! 
XO

Bonjour! 

Just a quick note to say Bonjour!

Today: Eiffel Tower and other fun stuff!

It’s been amazing!! Paris is incredible. I’m so glad I’m here. Thank you all for the love and support! ❤️

Au revoir!

Today’s Mantra: Don’t eat quite as much as yesterday. Doh! Lol! 😉

   
    
 

Déjà vu – Sadness returns. Ugh. 

I have been in a funk. Excuse me as I rant.

I go up, I go down. 

I’m on a down right now.

   

I feel as if I have been reliving the announcement of the separation as exactly a year ago. The rainy, dreary weather is the same, my kids are back in school, anxiety and depression are sitting on each of my shoulders, and my trip to Paris is right around the corner. 

It feels like déjà vu. I wake up and I can’t believe this is my life. I’d rather be sleeping than facing the sadness that surrounds me. The weather matches my mood and I can’t seem to get out of it.   

I do not want to be back with Grayheart. I do not feel the same way towards him. He is a different man now and I’m not even sure I ever really knew him.

At this second, I’m not even mad. I’m just sad; like my soul is sad. Give me a squeeze and I’ll burst into tears at any given second. I’m that sensitive. I feel like I’m trying to jog while underwater.Last year I was even scheduled to go to Paris with Grayheart and run the Paris to Versailles race. I cancelled the trip three days before we were scheduled to leave because I couldn’t bear the thought of having him next to me in such a romantic city after he told me he was miserable.

So here I am planning to go on a new and improved version of the trip. But I keep having that sinking feeling in my gut. I have little desire to shop or pack for my trip. I have an emptiness and nausea that I can’t get rid of no matter how hard I try. 

I am also a shadow of the person I have been over the last several months. I was feeling so strong and happy and carefree. And now I’m moody and sullen.  

  
 I think I’m sabotaging my relationship with Captain. I’ve been pessimistic about it all, needy and just not as fun to be with. We’ve also been apart most of the month due to his work and travel. I keep focusing on our differences (eg. kids vs no kids, he works a lot, he is not close to his family, he’s kind of shy, etc.). And I know that all but the kids thing is totally me just having major insecurities and over-scrutinizing insignificant details. I am so traumatized by Grayheart leaving me that I keep waiting and watching for signs to tell me this guy will leave me, too. Ugh.

 

I hope I snap out of this. Quickly. I am not typically a depressed person and it’s very upsetting to me that I’m acting so strangely.

  
Today’s Mantra: This is normal and part of the healing process. (Right?!)

xo

Rearranging Furniture and Upcoming Travel

I’ve been making change around my house.  I decided to go for lighter and brighter colors in my house. And since I’m on a budget, I’m trying to do it with the fewest expenses as possible. So I moved my furniture in my bedroom around and it’s made a tremendous difference. I still have lots to do but it makes me happy!

 
On another happy note, I’m leaving in a little over a week to Paris, Amsterdam and Munich with my siblings and cousins! I will be doing that 10 mile race I cancelled last year (due to my separation) and then ending off in Oktoberfest! I’m so excited! It’ll be an emotional milestone for me since my process started a year ago.  

My hot brother in law in his lederhosen!

 

Today’s Mantra: Put your positive pants on and don’t let others control your mood. 

Besitos!

Keys Life 

I’ve been negligent of my blogging duties… It’s been a fun summer. I’ve had my kids all summer long during the day and Grayheart and I continued or arrangement of splitting weekends. During my “time off” from the kids, I mainly spend it in the Keys with Captain. 

Captain usually rents a house each year with some friends for a month in Key West.  I hadn’t been down there in over a decade and forgot just how much fun it is!

 

90 miles to Cuba!


I am very much into outdoor adventures and grew up around the water. So to be out there snorkeling, boating, fishing, bike riding everywhere and just smelling the salt water… Sigh… It was truly relaxing and restorative.

 

Catch & release of a jack!

 

Snorkeling!

  

Snorkeled around mangroves

  

See the little lemon shark?! Saw lots of em!

 
 

By the docks

  

These lil dudes are everywhere!

  

See the tarpon?

 
  I had a fantastic time just relaxing and came back to my kids in such a good mood. It’s amazing what proper rest can do for your soul!

 

Little Palm Island ferry

  

View at brunch

  

Protected key deer

 
By the way, there’s been a lot going on and I’ve had many ups and downs during the divorce process these last few months. It’s certainly not been all roses and daisies. I’m just sometimes too worked up to even write. I will get back on it but, for now, I’m trying to focus on the positive and things that aren’t so heavy. 

xoxo

Dear Austin, TX – I love you

  
I just got back from an amazing several days in Austin, Texas with Captain.  To say I loved Austin and had a phenomenal time is an understatement.   

I’ve never been to a town where there was such an incredible combination of positive characteristics:  the friendliest people, amazing food, outstanding live music, tons of fun outdoorsy things to do, great college campus, youthful and fresh influence, politics… Jeez, where do I stop?! 

  
Austin is unapologetically and proudly bizarre.  I know the slogan “Keep Austin weird” but it’s just too cool to sum it up as weird.  

   

  

  

   
I won’t bore you with extensive details of the trip but I’ll sum it up by saying that we did Sixth and Rainey street, toured UT, went to a comedy club, rode bike around town galore, ate more red meat and drank more beer in those days than I ever thought humanly possible, watched the largest urban bat population take off for their evening search for food, stayed at the gorgeous Driskill hotel, ate and ate more, watched tons of live local music and had a very romantic time with my man.  It was about as perfect as a getaway could get.

    

    
(Pardon my crappy photography skills.)

Austin, I love you!

PS- I’m still in awe that this is my life post Grayheart.  There is hope after divorce, y’all!

Besos!

Five Photo & Story Challenge:  Florida Living – Photo/Story #4

My buddy, Rob of The V-Pub invited me to a 5 day challenge to join the Five Photos, Five Stories Challenge: “Post a photo each day for five consecutive days and attach a story to the photo. It can be fiction or non-fiction, a poem or a short paragraph and each day nominate another blogger for the challenge”. 

Colors.  Blue sky.  Peace. Tranquility. Clouds. Sparkling water.  Brightness.  

A wonderful reminder as to why I live in South Florida.  

Get lost in the ocean with me!

I now nominate my newly minted blonde girlfriend of “Becoming Me.” She is constantly impressing me with her strength during her separation and dedication to her children. Check her out!

I’m at the “happiest” place on earth

Let’s see if that holds true.

Because I’m a masochist, I agreed to keep our plans to go to Disney as a family this weekend. Yes, we all drove up together in one car. And, yes, we are staying in the same hotel suite. (He is on the pull out couch while the kids and I sleep in the room.) It is the Disney marathon weekend and we are each scheduled to race.

I had already cancelled my trip to Paris to run the Paris to Versailles 16K so I was hell bent on not missing out on the half marathon I’d been furiously training for. But I hadn’t really thought through how Grayheart and I were going to co-exist under these circumstances.

I gave him a warning two days ago. I would not be made to feel uncomfortable. Don’t be talking or texting her around us. Be present or not with us at all. He easily agreed. I threatened that if he couldn’t handle it, we’d cancel the trip as a family or I’d drive my own car and have separate lodging. He was against it. So after talking to my therapist, DD, I decided to proceed with our mini vacation.

So today we made the trip up to Orlando. No casualties (yet). We did argue a few times over nonsense but it was overall okay. He hasn’t been obvious in his communication with Raggedy and I’ve tried to not be “Grumpy Cat” with him.

I have been noticing though that I’m feeling liberated that I don’t have to put up with a lot of his crap. (He is incredibly moody.) Being with him in close proximity reminds me that Raggedy has no idea what she’s gotten herself into!

We hit the parks tomorrow… Stay tuned!

(And, no, he has not tried any funny business.)

¡Ay dios mio!

For those of you interested in joining me, check out the Disney races available! 😉