If you snoop, you will find.

Warning:  There’s some cursing.  I’m angry tonight.

Tonight I feel sick.  I haven’t felt this level of static in my stomach since Grayheart was living here in November.  I was snooping and found an email that he wrote to a divorced buddy late September of this year.  (This is just a couple of weeks after we had our talk about separation.)  The exchange more or less discussed how divorce sucks but his buddy’s opinion was that the worst part is missing the kids and that women are garbage, etc.  The part that disturbed me the most is Grayheart responded to his buddy that he just couldn’t stand to be around me.  Dude, you just can’t stand being around me?  YOU are the unlikeable one, motherfucker!

Shame on me for snooping, right?  I knew there was potential to find something I didn’t like and I needed to have my big girl pants on.  Strangely enough, though, it was a good slap in the face for me.  It pushed me from sad, mopey resentment to Bad Ass Angry Mama Jamma.  Just another reminder that he does not love me.  It may hurt but I see clearly at this moment.  You don’t love me, I don’t love you.  You never loved me enough, fuck you. *sticks my toungue out*

Then to top it off, I found email confirmation that he went to go visit The Whore (Raggedy Ann) in Baltimore this weekend after his time with his family.  He took a train to go see her on Sunday and then flew out from there on Monday.  I saw the train and hotel confirmation.  Stupid motherfucker.  I knew it.  I sensed it.  I could just tell he was somewhere else that day.  I know I shouldn’t care but I do.  Just feels like another jab, another cut.  He’s still with the bitch that stole my husband.  (Yes, it’s not that simple but it really is.)

God, I hope he gets chlamydia.