My little secret

I think this blog thing is really helping.  I’m only day 3 into this but I’ve already been inspired by so many others bloggers that are going through/have gone through a similar experience.  I also am very aware that I have virtually no audience so it feels like I’m divulging myself to my diary.   No one knows me here,  I’m anonymous, it’s my little secret from my real life.  That, in a sense, makes me feel like I finally have something to myself.

I feel like I’ve always lived my life very transparently.  I never had anything to hide.  My spouse was my best friend and never had to question my loyalty or love.  I shared everything with him.  Now that he’s moved out, I’m here trying to figure out who the hell I am.  When you’re used to being that open with someone for 13 years, what do you really have that’s just yours?

So, this blog has become my little secret.  My strange way of exacting revenge.   It gives me a sort of satisfaction that although he told me I had lost myself and only identified as being a mother, I will prove him wrong.  He never even needs to know that I’m doing this.  Just the knowledge that I have something that I did on my own gives me a sense of confidence I haven’t had in quite some time.   I feel stronger today.  It might be just a little bit but it’s something.