When you almost run into your ex-husband’s mistress turned girlfriend 

I had a bit of an awkward situation last night.

Normally, my arrangement with Grayheart is that I drop off the kids to him and he brings them back to me. We’ve read in a few books that it’s easier on kids to not feel like they’re being “taken” from their parent’s house by the other parent.

Last night we switched it up because I was coming home from dinner and thought it’d be easier to pick them up on my way home. I asked him to bathe our youngest (He-man, my 3 yr old son) so I didn’t have to deal with it when I got home. 

Somehow he misunderstood. So when I arrived, little He-man had not been bathed. I was visibly annoyed so Grayheart offered to bathe him quickly. I waited in the living room. She-ra, my 6 yr old daughter, then exclaims “Mami! Why don’t you meet Raggedy Ann! I want to introduce you to her! She’s upstairs!”

WHAT THE FUCK?!

So I calmly, coolly and tauntingly said out loud “Why yes! Why doesn’t she come down so we can meet?”

  
Grayheart bolted over and pleaded with me to please not put She-ra in the middle of the situation and drop it.

I took a look at my innocent daughter who was excited for introductions and decided to drop it. I said I would meet her at another time since she was probably in the bathroom.

I was pissed!

I don’t know what I would’ve done. A million things went through my mind.

  1. She’s a freaking wimp. No one would ever have me hiding.
  2. I’m glad the bitch is scared of me.
  3. I’m going to punch her once in the face. Just one knock out.
  4. Do I smile and pretend to be pleased to meet her in front of the kids?
  5. Do I threaten to kick her ass at a later time?
  6. Do I call her a whore or a skank?
  7. Should I roundhouse kick her?
  8. Which eye should I spit in?
  9. Do I thank her for taking him off my hands and congratulate her for having my sloppy seconds? He’s your problem now, bitch!
  10. Do I run up the stairs and further I intimidate her?
  11. Should I walk out the door and wait in the car? (Hell no!)
  12. I’m going to take my sweet ass time in his house and walk around like o own the place.

Once I quickly recovered from my shock, I hissed at him “You have your fucking girlfriend here?!” 

You know what his response was? To put it back on me! “You never asked.”, he said deadpan. (So typical for him to immediately respond with a way to blame me when backed into a corner.) And then he realized how dumb he sounded and apologized. I never go inside his house and, of course, this time I did. He didn’t think and didn’t know what to do. 

I was seething. But I held myself together and waited patiently in the living room for the kids. 

  
It was awkward, to say the least. But then it got me thinking… I will meet her eventually. She’s around my kids and our paths will cross. How do I handle that first time we do meet?

I hate Grayheart for giving me this headache. How am I supposed to treat a woman that was complicit in the breakup of our marriage? (Yes, I know I’m better off. Yes, I know it’s him that I’m to hold responsible. Yes, I know we had issues before her.) But, realistically, she is a weasel and disrespected me and my family. I can’t just let her think I’m a doormat and okay with that kind of crap! 

I know I’ll get over it and eventually have no feelings towards her. But this is now. And I don’t think I’m a big enough person at this point to turn the other cheek.
Suggestions are welcome! I’d love to hear how you may have handled it if you’ve ever been in the situation! Did I do the right thing last night?

As a slightly funny thing, as I was waiting in the foyer, I noticed her flip flops by the front mat. I was going to kick them outside the front door since it was raining and they’d get soaked. Yes. Total third grade behavior but it was that kind of moment. As I started to, Grayheart walked out and I quickly acted like nothing happened and was unable to fully complete my immature stunt. Hmpf! 

Today’s mantra: Take it easy. You leave to the Caribbean tomorrow for your bff’s wedding. Let it go! (And how awesome there is a rainbow today?!)

  

Fifty Shades of Grayheart

Last I wrote, I was shocked by Grayheart’s revelation that he would no longer be seeing Raggedy.  I questioned whether it was true or not and I was waiting to see what would come of it.

Grayheart left to South America for work the day he shared this news with me.  (What a relief to have him gone for a few days!  More work with kids but less emotional distress!)  He returned after 4 days and brought specialty chocolates for the kids.  And one for yours truly. (Wth?!  This mo’fo never brings me gifts from a short work trip.)  He bashfully explained that it was in appreciation of watching the kids.  It was SO weird.  Something was different about him.  He didn’t have the phone tethered to him, wasn’t texting, wasn’t tense… it just didn’t feel like he was hiding anything.

So what did I do that night he arrived?  I got the hell out of Dodge! I didn’t want to let my guard down.  I needed to get far away and fast. I went to dinner with a girlfriend and proceeded to have too many glasses of wine.  When I got home that night, he all of a sudden was chatty about his trip, wanted to know how my night was, asked me if I was growing my hair long (gimme a break, you now care?) and then proceeded to give me a HUG before he left my casa!  I was so shocked that I stood there stiffly but managed to stick my bum out to not have to make full physical contact with him.  (Of course, he commented on the “ass out” hug. Whateva.)

The rest of the week he was attentive and mild mannered and kind and just very present.  In response to this, I was pleasant and not hostile towards him.  Honestly, it felt nice and almost back to normal.  (But I know better than to fall for this trap.)

Here’s what I think:  I think Raggedy wanted more time and attention.  He doesn’t have it to give.  They got into a spat and decided it was easier to not see each other.  What do I think that means then?  That he will try to worm his way back into our family routine.  Not to get back with me but to go back to what feels comfortable, like home does.  What does that really mean then?  That this is temporary.  That he is sad and lonely and his emotional band-aid is gone.  She’ll probably make a return at some point and he’ll fall back into the same crap.

So what do I do?  I’ll put my armor back on and continue as normal.  It’s nice to not have the anger over her and it’s allowed me to focus on me a bit more.  But my gut tells me she’s not gone for good and I need to keep him at arm’s distance.  It is, however, making me re-evaluate all this contempt I’ve held onto.  It’s a heavy load to carry and I’m emotionally exhausted.  I need to convince myself that regardless of her presence, I need to move on and not be filled with hate.  I’m not there yet but my vision is starting to clear a bit.

Today’s Mantra:  Focus on me, not on others.

Is Raggedy really gone?

I’m up far too late tonight.  And although I’m exhausted, I can’t stop tossing and turning in my bed.  Grayheart and I were chatting today.  I was making an attempt to be nice to him since we had a long conversation yesterday on how our interactions have been pretty negative as of late.

So he then drops this little bit of information on me… he claims he will not continue to see Raggedy Ann.

Um, excuse me? Did I hear that right?

My instant reaction was shock and then I immediately inquired why.

His response?  Something along the lines of life being too complicated to date anyone.  Between kids, a divorce, work, travel, trying to buy a house… it’s just not the right time to date anyone.  (The idiot realizes this now? Really? REALLY?!)

I dropped the whole topic by saying I had nothing to else to say.  (I held my tongue, I’m very proud.)  I can’t decide if I flat out don’t believe him or if she got sick of him not being an available boyfriend or if he got tired of her.  (I will say that I notice he’s been staying at his new place this past week.)

I’ll back up just for a second, though.  In my conversation yesterday with him regarding my ice queen treatment, I told him that things would never be “normal” between us as long as that tart was in his life.  Not saying this influenced his decision in any way but the whole thing is just odd.

I know, dear reader, you’re probably yelling at me that it shouldn’t matter.  That I’ve probably put too much emphasis on her rather than him.  You’re right, it doesn’t really matter.  Our status will not change.  But I might start to not hate him as much.  And I might actually be able to treat this whole divorce process as something that’s “irretrievably broken.”  (Phrase straight from the FL divorce paperwork.)  Not the complicated, stringy mess of another woman’s influence.

And maybe it’s all a ruse so that I’m nicer to him.  Jury’s still out.  I guess only time will tell.