Shi…ngles

I got shingles, y’all! *slow clap*

It’s kinda fun to say. Shhhh… ingles? Sh-ing-les. Sh-in-gulls. Shin-gals. Shhhhh. Whatever. I got it. 

Apparently, you don’t need to be over 60 to have it. 

Those effers have been living in my nerve cells latent for 33 years and decided to pop in for an uninvited visit this week. Bastards.

I’m annoyed because I’m not stressed and this is usually the cause of onset. I’m actually on summer break from teaching and having a lovely time! 

Only thing I can think is maybe my brain is creeping behind my back and subversively worrying about finances?

Grayheart, my ex-husband, recently quit his long-term, secure job. Why? No good reason. He hated his job and wanted to pursue his business ventures in the restaurant industry is pretty much why. Idiot. 


It’s not my business what he does as long as he parents well and pays for his child support. He will continue to pay his child support as-is but I just don’t trust him. So on a teacher’s salary, you can understand why I might quietly fret? Anyway, I’m pushing it out of my mind and just focusing on the now and not the “what if” of the situation. I didn’t think it was bothering me enough to cause me trouble but it’s possible that my body is just tired of constantly fighting everything over the last 3 years? (This shingles thing is his fault, of course.)

As a side note, Grayheart broke up with Raggedy Ann. I think this is the fifth time? 🙄 (I met her, by the way. Another story, another time. Nothing exciting.) 

Oh! And he then immediately got a vasectomy. I think Raggedy was hinting at wanting her own kids. Lmao!

*Don’t mind me as I snicker at their demise.*


I know, petty. But, fuck, I’m dealing with shingles! Cut me some slack! 

———————————-

So… back to me. Life is pretty damn good right now. I’m heading to the Turks & Caicos in a couple of weeks with Captain. He and I are wonderful! I’m still gushy in love. ❤️ My kids are fantastic and I’ve been doing so many fun things with them this summer! I’ve kept to my resolution of reading a book a month and have been reading the Outlander novels! (And love them!) I’m back to running again after a very long hiatus! And I’ve got 5 more weeks of summer break! Woohoo! Life will be all good again once I’m back to normal. 🙌🏽

Hope everyone is enjoying their summer! (Or winter for you Southern Hemisphere folks!) 

😘 Athena 

Exercise as important as Food or Sleep?

Exercise is at the top of my list of resolutions for 2016. Nothing original about that as it seems to be high in everyone’s list. 

  
But something really clicked in my mind the other day. 

Captain gave me a bit of a lecture how I don’t really do much for myself since I’m always busy taking care of everyone else. And I responded that I now do much more for myself than ever before. I go to the gym regularly and get to spend quality time with him. These are now my outlets.

But he responded that the gym is not “me” time as much as it’s a necessity.

Wha????

  
I never really thought of exercise as important as sleep or food or water

Mind blown.

  
I always felt as if getting to the gym was strictly a way to treat myself. A luxury, of sorts. 

And I used to get pissed as hell that Grayheart made it a top priority for him to exercise while I was at home (fat and bitter) taking care of our kids. He complained that I put my health last. 

Truth be told, I was always so exhausted at the end of a long workday and dealing with the kids that thinking of getting to the gym at 8 or 9 pm was ludicrous. I’d miss out on time with the kids. Plus, who was going to clean the house? And when were we going to have quality time together as a couple? And sleep! Is it any good if you’re going to sleep at midnight? Ugh. All too familiar complaints of families with small children.

  

Perspective shift now.

My kids are now a bit older and don’t require the constant attention they needed as babies or toddlers. I drop them off at the childcare center in the gym and do my routine. And I feel so much better now that I’m thinner and physically strong again. 

  
Happy and healthy mom = Happy family!
So now the real question is… what will I be doing solely for myself?

XO

Health Goals and Perspective

I was looking back now at a journal that I sometimes record random thoughts in.  Sometimes it’s milestone updates on the kids, sometimes just notes on how I feel, goals I want to accomplish or just recording the shit that was going on with Grayheart.  I found a list of health goals I wanted to achieve back in August 2013, just shortly after I left my job to be a stay at home mom.  I remember thinking that I would have all this free time to focus on me since I wouldn’t be juggling being a mother, wife and professional.  Boy, was I off! Here were the goals:

#1 – Lose 30 lbs
#2 – Get fit and healthy within 6 months.
#3 – Run a 5K before the end of the year
#4 – Get rid of sugar addiction
#5 – Exercise 5-6 times per week

Needless to say, I did not take into account that raising a one year old full time and trying to be Super Mom is actually a lot of work and that I’d be dealing with a sort of depression from the transition.  I felt I had lost some of my independence and self worth. I felt like the anti-feminist and didn’t want to be viewed as that mom that sat home watching TV while pigging out on ice cream.  So I over compensated and totally became that PTA mom and school volunteer and home chef that I thought I was supposed to be.  We struggled financially at home since we didn’t really adjust our lifestyle to accommodate the single income.  I became resentful of the lack of attention from my husband.  He didn’t understand how alone I felt.  I went from being a boss and leader in the corporate world to a glorified housewife.  I felt as if I had been reduced to shitty diapers and talk about princesses and Disney.  I was my heaviest (162 lbs and I’m only 5’3″) and didn’t even want to focus on my appearance.  I looked and felt like a slob.  But I just didn’t care or want it enough.  How was I supposed to focus on me when I was exhausted after caring for everyone else?

Fast forward to August 2014 almost exactly a year later… I started my running program and was very motivated.  What was the difference?  Both of my kids were in school and were doing great.  I developed a routine that incorporated dropping them off and then having free time alone to work out!  I felt like the tether had been cut and for the first time in 5 years, I had time to actually focus on myself.  Needless to say, the pounds started to shed.  The running encouraged better eating and a healthier lifestyle for me.  I found that I didn’t need sugar to cope.  I wish I still had the article but I read something that sugar basically hijacks your brain to make you crave it more.  It dawned on me that I am stronger than my brain’s cravings and that I’m in charge of my own brain.  It clicked and I started to change my life.  I felt happier and stronger.  I’d lost at least 1 lb a week and was really proud of my progress since I felt I could sustain it.

Fast forward to now… my progress has continued.  I’m down 9% body fat, have lost 24 lbs and am down a few dress sizes.  The acceleration of my weight loss definitely has to do with my current situation since I have little appetite and constant nausea… but I don’t want to limit it to that.  I’ve continued running and exercising almost daily and really feel like I’ve adopted a new lifestyle.  So although I didn’t complete my goals last year, I’m proud to say that I’ve just about completed them this year.  I don’t limit myself on what I can eat but I just don’t eat as much.  And sugar just doesn’t interest me.  Although I would still like to lose 5-10 pounds more, I feel really damn great and my self confidence in my appearance is back.  I look better, dress better and actually focus more on my appearance.  (And, to be honest, it has felt damn good over the last couple months having Grayheart tell me how good and sexy I look.)  Oh, and another thing… there’s a beautiful thing about perspective once you’ve had kids and are in your thirties.  Those hang-ups I had in my twenties about not having the perfect abs and ass?  Gone.  I’m just grateful I’m healthy and in better shape and have learned to accept the flaws in my body.

So, while I have been focusing on the negative aspects of a divorce, there has been one positive outcome this early in the game!  And I will not let it be a temporary thing.  This is just another way of me going back to the old me. 🙂

Today’s Mantra:  Perspective, perspective, perspective!