Christmas with the kids 

The two week Christmas break from school for the kids (my 3 yr old son & 6 yr old daughter) was split with the first week being with my ex, Grayheart, while the second week was spent with me. 

That first week I traveled to Colorado and came back Christmas Eve. (Captain headed out of town to visit his family for Christmas.) The kids did dinner that evening with me and my family; what we call Noche Buena. Grayheart picked the kids up late that night and they stayed over at his house. They woke Christmas morning at his home. They called me over and I got to watch them open presents there. (Raggedy was out of town visiting her own family.)  

My princess of power

 
Then I took the kids home with me while Grayheart followed behind and had them open gifts at my house. We had a really nice time all together as a family. It was nostalgically nice. Grayheart was pleasant, we chatted in a friendly manner and none of it felt fake. I then took the kids (on my own) to abuela’s house (aka my mom) to then do gift exchanges there. 

 

My little He-man


   
The kids went back to Grayheart’s house late afternoon. Captain drove back and met me at my home so we could celebrate Christmas evening together. We exchanged gifts* and then watched Star Wars at the movies! (Which was amaze-balls!) 

Captain celebrating his new GoPro

 

All things considered, it was a wonderful Christmas! There was lots of positive energy, everyone was cheerful and we did a great job sharing our children. 

*I’m going to gush a second…Captain was amazing! He got me a few books he thought I’d love, a mani/pedi certificate to use on a day he is working, salsa lessons for us to do together, paintball day and archery lessons! He’s paid such close attention to me…it had me in tears. It’s been so long since I’ve been loved like this. And I don’t quite think I’ve ever been loved better.

  
Hope you all enjoyed the holidays! 

(Please excuse the mess in my home! Eek!)

😘

Disney with the Kids

I took my 6 yr old daughter and 3 yr old son this past weekend to Disney World. By myself! 

  

And I survived! 

  
A little crazier but I came back in one piece!

  
The parks were busy but we maneuvered well. This was my first trip with the kids to Disney without my ex. They missed him but we were plenty busy with everything around us.

  

We kept Grayheart updated with pics throughout the weekend but it did feel a little strange to not have him there to participate in such a big adventure. 

    
One of many firsts I’m knocking out of the way. 🙂  

  
Here’s to many more new adventures with my rugrats as a single mom!

Cheers!

XO

My mantra throughout the weekend:  I got this!

A year ago…

A year ago Grayheart moved out. We’d started our separation discussions and plans in September 2014 but he moved out the Sunday before Thanksgiving 2014. 

We spent Thanksgiving together as a family and it went smoothly.  

For many months, he visited my home nightly (he didn’t have a place he could take them to) and stayed over the nights I would go out (ex. Friday night fun, etc.).  It was torture having to see him so frequently and go through the pain of knowing he was enjoying his life with his mistress, Raggedy Ann.  But I powered through and knew that the kids were doing well due to the united front.

Fast forward to 2015.  Grayheart rents a townhouse and we have separated our lives. He’s a great father and takes the kids twice a week for dinner and now has them overnight every Thursday and every other weekend. The kids are doing really well, all things considered. I’ve taken them to a child psychologist and she’s very happy with their progress.

As for my relationship with him… We have our ups and downs. We get along in a superficial manner and I try to avoid getting into any deep conversations with him. I’m still angry and hurt. Not like I was before but it still lingers. I feel at times like I have things that were left unsaid.  I won’t bother going there but at times it gnaws at me.  

I’ve been reflecting as Thanksgiving comes upon us and things have changed a lot in a year. But I got through it and am grateful.

So this year, my mom will host Thanksgiving again. My kids will be with me. And my lovely boyfriend, Captain, will be attending. *smile*

And Grayheart asked if he could come by. *frown*

And I said yes. *grimace*

What was I supposed to say?

He has no family here and I would hate to separate him from the kids. 

Sigh. You know the saying “The road to hell is paved with good intentions”? Yeah, that’s me. Always me. Lol!

Wish me luck! 

  
Hope all of you have an easy and happy Thanksgiving this year! Lots to be thankful for! 

XO

Rearranging Furniture and Upcoming Travel

I’ve been making change around my house.  I decided to go for lighter and brighter colors in my house. And since I’m on a budget, I’m trying to do it with the fewest expenses as possible. So I moved my furniture in my bedroom around and it’s made a tremendous difference. I still have lots to do but it makes me happy!

 
On another happy note, I’m leaving in a little over a week to Paris, Amsterdam and Munich with my siblings and cousins! I will be doing that 10 mile race I cancelled last year (due to my separation) and then ending off in Oktoberfest! I’m so excited! It’ll be an emotional milestone for me since my process started a year ago.  

My hot brother in law in his lederhosen!

 

Today’s Mantra: Put your positive pants on and don’t let others control your mood. 

Besitos!

Life with Captain – 6 months!

I thought I’d give an update on my relationship with Captain since a few people have asked me about him…


Captain and I recently celebrated the sixth month anniversary of our first date.  It blows my mind that this relationship is a result of a good online dating match! It was my first time online dating (he had also only been on a short time) and he was my first date!  I know I’m lucky and that this is not usually the case for most people.  And given how many funny things I came across while I was on Match, I can see why! Lol!

I’ve fallen pretty deeply in love with him and feel very loved and fortunate to be in such a healthy, easy relationship.  He’s been my support during tough times and nurtured the wounds that are still tender.  Captain is divorced and I think that really helps. A failed marriage tends to really put things in perspective; at least for those who have used it as a learning experience.

We have opted to wait a bit longer before he meets my kids.  My little She-ra expressed some serious concerns last month regarding mommy and daddy living apart and ever re-marrying.  It was totally out of left field. She was hysterical and it absolutely devastated me.  Grayheart introduced the kids to his whore, Raggedy Ann, shortly before that and I’m certain that affected her.  (She’s been introduced as a “co-worker/friend.”)  That’s a whole other issue… So, I’m waiting on intros with Captain until I feel it’s right for everyone.

In the meantime, I’m loving this cutesy lovey dovey honeymoon stage!  I really look forward to what’s in store for us.

Thank you to all my peeps that have been so supportive and positive with this relationship and my divorce blues. The good juju sent my way has really helped.  It means a lot. 🙂

xoxo – Besitos!

Mother’s Day Recap

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother’s Day! 

My mother’s day was quite nice.  The kids made me breakfast in bed.  Since they’re only 3 and 6, Grayheart came over and helped them in this endeavor.  My little rugrats then presented me with a cute card and necklace that has their names inscribed on it.  (I love it!)  I was surprised to see that Grayheart, also, gave me a card and some chocolates.  

 
I thought it was a sweet gesture and he was thoughtful with what he wrote.  I’m a damn good mom and I’m glad he recognizes it.  

He left shortly after breakfast and we didn’t talk much but he gets a point for effort.  This is actually the second card he’s gotten me this year.  (I don’t think I mentioned that he got me a birthday card in April.  Not much was written but it was a nice move.)  His birthday is now coming up this week…I guess the question is should I get him a birthday card as well?  

The rest of the day was spent with my wonderful mom, grandmother, kids and rest of my family.  We had a lovely homecooked brunch.   I relaxed and did pretty much nothing most of the day.

Captain came to visit after the kids went to sleep that night.  He brought me sushi and we had our own little picnic.  And oooweeee! Did I get a rockin present that night!  Something to do with whipped cream and dessert… 😉

To all my mommy blog friends out there, I hope you were treated like the queens you are!

Mother’s Day Mantra:  I am Wonder Woman.  I deserve a day off from saving the world! 

  

Kids acting out during divorce? 

Grayheart and I have had a very amicable separation.  I think we’ve done the best we can to mitigate and diffuse any conflicts during this uncomfortable process.  Not that he doesn’t drive me crazy, of course, but we’ve managed to really share responsibility of our children and co-parent as successfully as possible in a friendly manner.

That all being said, I’ve heard over and over how well my children have adapted to the change.  And I truly feel (felt?) that way.  I think they’ve been used to Daddy traveling frequently and doing things with only one parent their entire existence, which has helped the transition tremendously.  But I’ve been noticing lately that She-ra (my 6 yr old daughter) has been doing some unusual stuff lately.

Here’s an example of what she did at Abuela’s house yesterday while I was working.

She took several tubes of toothpaste from each bathroom and started decorating around the house!  Three bathrooms (she’d say she needed to pee) and just went to town!  Toilet paper, talcum powder, toothpaste, bottles of lotion… anything that was going to create a mess.  She didn’t tell a soul and no one was the wiser until they went to use the bathroom after I’d already picked her and my son up!

My mother called me in a panic worried that this is a call for attention. And I kind of agree.  So I’m calling a child therapist today for a session next week.  I’m not trying to make a bigger deal of the situation than it is but I certainly don’t want to be remiss in tending to her needs.

Sigh… sometimes parenting is such a shot in the dark.

Please share with me anything you’ve found effective or any pearls of wisdom with your kids during a divorce.  I’m welcome to any suggestions y’all have!

Today’s Mantra:  Don’t lose sight of the children.  Spend quality time versus quantity of time.

Arguing in front of the kids

I’m venting right now…

I argued with Grayheart over the phone last night about some changes he was trying to throw at me with our schedule. There was no cursing or personal attacks flung but it was intense and it was done in front of the kids. We hung up after 10 minutes of this and agreed to discuss later.

My daughter then asked him that night why I was so angry. And if he was angry as well. 😔 She heard everything. 😁

I still feel terrible about it. It’s not the end of the world but I still can’t help it. I put unnecessary stress on her. I will do better next time.

Today’s Mantra: Remember to not argue in front of the kids!! It’s not worth the consequences.

Childcare Arrangement

I figured this might help since I haven’t really clarified the current childcare arrangement that Grayheart and I have made for our two kids (5 and 2 years old).

Grayheart sees the kids almost on a nightly basis (by having dinner and bedtime routine with us) as well as two mornings during the week. On the weekends, I have one evening to myself while he has the other and then he spends a chunk of Saturday and Sunday with them. We are flexible with each other if something comes up.

Grayheart does not have a permanent place yet and is looking to purchase a townhouse nearby since he wants to be as close to the kids as possible. We figure as long as the kids see him on a very frequent basis (and we maintain a friendly relationship in front of them), they’ll be able to navigate the upcoming holidays and overall situation as well as possible. The kids seem to be young enough to adapt easily but yet are aware that there’s a change in our home.  (They have done very well so far but it’s been just over two weeks.)

I’m happy to say that Grayheart is a wonderful father and absolutely adores our kids. I know that this arrangement seems unusual and possibly even disadvantageous to my healing but I will be fine as long as my children are fine. They come first and they are victims in this process. It is up to us to be proper co-parents and set a good example for them. I’m aware enough to realize that as time passes and he has a permanent living situation and we have other serious partners, etc. that the schedule will change but I’m confident we will adjust accordingly. I’ll have to worry about those things as they come. Right now, the most important thing for us is to make sure those munchkins get through this initial period as whole as possible.

En paz