Grayheart & Kids in DisneyΒ 

For the last several years, my family and I have done the Disney World marathon weekend since we are annual pass holders. I even went last year even though Grayheart and I were estranged.  (I did my first half marathon last year.)

Typically, one of us would do a race while we have the kids do a kids race.

  
This year, the Disney marathon weekend fell on Grayheart’s weekend with the kids. He invited me to join them. I thought about it. And declined. (I’m not that crazy again.)

And then I panicked thinking he would be alone in Disney world with our 3 yr old son and 6 yr old daughter. 

So I told him that I actually preferred that there be another adult with them. Raggedy Ann.

Yup, I actually asked that the woman who was a part of my breakup with my husband to attend Disney World with my kids.

Why? Because another set of eyes would ensure my kids would be properly watched, cared for, help with bathroom breaks and be the even number for any rides. 

And so she joined them this past weekend for it. And I was okay.

  
I didn’t overthink it. Because if I allowed myself to, I’d probably get worked up and upset for no reason.

Instead, I’m grateful my kids had fun and  back in one piece, safe and sound.

 

Disney Kids Race

 
I’m doing good, friends. I’m really coming to peace with my new life. I’m not fully there yet but I’m getting there. πŸ™‚

XO

PS –  It was glorious, though, hearing Grayheart remark that he has no idea how I did it by myself last month because it was exhausting even with two adults watching over them.

Heh! 

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Disney with the Kids

I took my 6 yr old daughter and 3 yr old son this past weekend to Disney World. By myself! 

  

And I survived! 

  
A little crazier but I came back in one piece!

  
The parks were busy but we maneuvered well. This was my first trip with the kids to Disney without my ex. They missed him but we were plenty busy with everything around us.

  

We kept Grayheart updated with pics throughout the weekend but it did feel a little strange to not have him there to participate in such a big adventure. 

    
One of many firsts I’m knocking out of the way. πŸ™‚  

  
Here’s to many more new adventures with my rugrats as a single mom!

Cheers!

XO

My mantra throughout the weekend:  I got this!

Tired of being tired

Last few days I feel a bit defeated.

The Disney weekend was fun in that the kids had a great time and I had a wonderful experience with marathon weekend. But Grayheart and I were not exactly friendly with each other. We bickered a bit; I could see how annoyed he’d get with things I did. And, of course, he irritated the crap out of me with his moodiness. I’m sure Raggedy gave him a hard time which affected his attitude toward me.

I can’t help but feel that his irritation with me stems from two things: 1) my anger and resentment of him, which I’m just quiet and cool toward him and 2) Raggedy is everything I’m not. She’s the easy, happy, sweet, carefree girl thrilled to see him and make him feel good. In his mind, I’m sure I’m the bitter and absent minded wife nagging about the kids holding onto resentment and baggage… It’s as if it’s being used against me. And that makes me sad because I don’t deserve the hostility.

Raggedy gets one dimension of him. It’s easy to fall for someone like her that has no responsibilities and isn’t bitter as a result. Just makes me mad because it’s an alternate reality. It’s paradise when life outside of it is challenging and grainy. It’s not a bad life but it’s life filled with kids screaming, frustrations, arguments, change and imperfections. Life.

And I’m bitter that he gets to have that pleasure while I’m sad and trying to put myself back together.

Today’s Mantra: Just keep it together.

Friday down, Hello Saturday!

I’ve survived Friday at Disney with Grayheart and the kids. No fighting, kids had a great time and we kept ourselves busy with all going on around us. There were no tender moments either since I’m keeping it pretty superficial with him.

I’m now en route to the half marathon. (I’m thinking I really need a diagnosis if at 4 am I’m preparing myself for a 13 mile run.) My Haitian cab driver is providing me plenty of entertainment, though, on my ride! Sak Pase?! Woot woot!

I’m out! I’ll let you know how it goes!

Oh, the image on this post is an actual depiction of Grayheart… πŸ˜‰

❀️

I’m at the “happiest” place on earth

Let’s see if that holds true.

Because I’m a masochist, I agreed to keep our plans to go to Disney as a family this weekend. Yes, we all drove up together in one car. And, yes, we are staying in the same hotel suite. (He is on the pull out couch while the kids and I sleep in the room.) It is the Disney marathon weekend and we are each scheduled to race.

I had already cancelled my trip to Paris to run the Paris to Versailles 16K so I was hell bent on not missing out on the half marathon I’d been furiously training for. But I hadn’t really thought through how Grayheart and I were going to co-exist under these circumstances.

I gave him a warning two days ago. I would not be made to feel uncomfortable. Don’t be talking or texting her around us. Be present or not with us at all. He easily agreed. I threatened that if he couldn’t handle it, we’d cancel the trip as a family or I’d drive my own car and have separate lodging. He was against it. So after talking to my therapist, DD, I decided to proceed with our mini vacation.

So today we made the trip up to Orlando. No casualties (yet). We did argue a few times over nonsense but it was overall okay. He hasn’t been obvious in his communication with Raggedy and I’ve tried to not be “Grumpy Cat” with him.

I have been noticing though that I’m feeling liberated that I don’t have to put up with a lot of his crap. (He is incredibly moody.) Being with him in close proximity reminds me that Raggedy has no idea what she’s gotten herself into!

We hit the parks tomorrow… Stay tuned!

(And, no, he has not tried any funny business.)

Β‘Ay dios mio!

For those of you interested in joining me, check out the Disney races available! πŸ˜‰