When you almost run into your ex-husband’s mistress turned girlfriend 

I had a bit of an awkward situation last night.

Normally, my arrangement with Grayheart is that I drop off the kids to him and he brings them back to me. We’ve read in a few books that it’s easier on kids to not feel like they’re being “taken” from their parent’s house by the other parent.

Last night we switched it up because I was coming home from dinner and thought it’d be easier to pick them up on my way home. I asked him to bathe our youngest (He-man, my 3 yr old son) so I didn’t have to deal with it when I got home. 

Somehow he misunderstood. So when I arrived, little He-man had not been bathed. I was visibly annoyed so Grayheart offered to bathe him quickly. I waited in the living room. She-ra, my 6 yr old daughter, then exclaims “Mami! Why don’t you meet Raggedy Ann! I want to introduce you to her! She’s upstairs!”

WHAT THE FUCK?!

So I calmly, coolly and tauntingly said out loud “Why yes! Why doesn’t she come down so we can meet?”

  
Grayheart bolted over and pleaded with me to please not put She-ra in the middle of the situation and drop it.

I took a look at my innocent daughter who was excited for introductions and decided to drop it. I said I would meet her at another time since she was probably in the bathroom.

I was pissed!

I don’t know what I would’ve done. A million things went through my mind.

  1. She’s a freaking wimp. No one would ever have me hiding.
  2. I’m glad the bitch is scared of me.
  3. I’m going to punch her once in the face. Just one knock out.
  4. Do I smile and pretend to be pleased to meet her in front of the kids?
  5. Do I threaten to kick her ass at a later time?
  6. Do I call her a whore or a skank?
  7. Should I roundhouse kick her?
  8. Which eye should I spit in?
  9. Do I thank her for taking him off my hands and congratulate her for having my sloppy seconds? He’s your problem now, bitch!
  10. Do I run up the stairs and further I intimidate her?
  11. Should I walk out the door and wait in the car? (Hell no!)
  12. I’m going to take my sweet ass time in his house and walk around like o own the place.

Once I quickly recovered from my shock, I hissed at him “You have your fucking girlfriend here?!” 

You know what his response was? To put it back on me! “You never asked.”, he said deadpan. (So typical for him to immediately respond with a way to blame me when backed into a corner.) And then he realized how dumb he sounded and apologized. I never go inside his house and, of course, this time I did. He didn’t think and didn’t know what to do. 

I was seething. But I held myself together and waited patiently in the living room for the kids. 

  
It was awkward, to say the least. But then it got me thinking… I will meet her eventually. She’s around my kids and our paths will cross. How do I handle that first time we do meet?

I hate Grayheart for giving me this headache. How am I supposed to treat a woman that was complicit in the breakup of our marriage? (Yes, I know I’m better off. Yes, I know it’s him that I’m to hold responsible. Yes, I know we had issues before her.) But, realistically, she is a weasel and disrespected me and my family. I can’t just let her think I’m a doormat and okay with that kind of crap! 

I know I’ll get over it and eventually have no feelings towards her. But this is now. And I don’t think I’m a big enough person at this point to turn the other cheek.
Suggestions are welcome! I’d love to hear how you may have handled it if you’ve ever been in the situation! Did I do the right thing last night?

As a slightly funny thing, as I was waiting in the foyer, I noticed her flip flops by the front mat. I was going to kick them outside the front door since it was raining and they’d get soaked. Yes. Total third grade behavior but it was that kind of moment. As I started to, Grayheart walked out and I quickly acted like nothing happened and was unable to fully complete my immature stunt. Hmpf! 

Today’s mantra: Take it easy. You leave to the Caribbean tomorrow for your bff’s wedding. Let it go! (And how awesome there is a rainbow today?!)

  

Kids acting out during divorce? 

Grayheart and I have had a very amicable separation.  I think we’ve done the best we can to mitigate and diffuse any conflicts during this uncomfortable process.  Not that he doesn’t drive me crazy, of course, but we’ve managed to really share responsibility of our children and co-parent as successfully as possible in a friendly manner.

That all being said, I’ve heard over and over how well my children have adapted to the change.  And I truly feel (felt?) that way.  I think they’ve been used to Daddy traveling frequently and doing things with only one parent their entire existence, which has helped the transition tremendously.  But I’ve been noticing lately that She-ra (my 6 yr old daughter) has been doing some unusual stuff lately.

Here’s an example of what she did at Abuela’s house yesterday while I was working.

She took several tubes of toothpaste from each bathroom and started decorating around the house!  Three bathrooms (she’d say she needed to pee) and just went to town!  Toilet paper, talcum powder, toothpaste, bottles of lotion… anything that was going to create a mess.  She didn’t tell a soul and no one was the wiser until they went to use the bathroom after I’d already picked her and my son up!

My mother called me in a panic worried that this is a call for attention. And I kind of agree.  So I’m calling a child therapist today for a session next week.  I’m not trying to make a bigger deal of the situation than it is but I certainly don’t want to be remiss in tending to her needs.

Sigh… sometimes parenting is such a shot in the dark.

Please share with me anything you’ve found effective or any pearls of wisdom with your kids during a divorce.  I’m welcome to any suggestions y’all have!

Today’s Mantra:  Don’t lose sight of the children.  Spend quality time versus quantity of time.

I’ve resurfaced… here’s an update on what’s been going on!

I have been working daily and come home exhausted so hitting the computer is often the last thing I want to do.  And my thumbs kill me if I try to write an entire post from my phone!  So I’m going to write a mini update on what’s going on in my life.  I apologize in advance if it’s not the highest caliber of writing or the most visually appealing post.

  • It’s been a birthday bonanza!  We’ve celebrated She-ra, me, my mom, my grandfather’s and Captain’s birthday all in the last three weeks!  It’s been an absolute blast but I’m SO over cake!   
  • Grayheart and I are still on amicable terms.  I know he’s still seeing Raggedy.  I just don’t care.  We’ve been working on our divorce paperwork and the only thing that really has me on edge is the custodial arrangement.  He wants 50/50 and I am terrified of that notion. I suppose it’s a good problem to have… A father that adores his kids. But it’s hard to think I wouldn’t have my kids as frequent as I have them now.  He seems to be open now to different possibilities after doing more research on custody scenarios for such young children.
  • Captain – If there was anything in my life right now that could be described as perfect, he would be it.  We’ve seen each other every 2-3 days, had amazing dates (dinners, paint notes, even just sitting in Krispy Kreme parking lot), gone away for a two day trip together to Disney World and Islands of Adventure  (where he asked me to be his girlfriend), and last night he told me that he loves me.  This man is so incredibly sexy and attentive and genuine and kind hearted and loving… I just cannot believe that I’ve been blessed with a man this wonderful to me.  And I actually really really care for him back.  It’s such a nice, easy affectionate relationship.  I think I love him as much as I am capable of right now.  I know he’s worried that he is a rebound relationship for me.  I would like to think this is not true and that we are just incredibly lucky to find each other.  I suppose only time will tell.  I can say, though, that I am the happiest I’ve ever been with a man.  And it’s an amazing feeling.     
  • I’ve not been running more than once a week so I feel like crap. I’m gonna get back on track though. It’s such a yucky feeling and exercising really helps mind, body and soul.
  • My old job (in real estate) contacted me today inquiring as to whether or not I’d be interested in returning in a part time capacity. Not sure how I feel about this since I have virtually no details. I will do lunch with my old boss next week and learn more.   

So there you go! I’ve included some pictures of our dinners and outings.  (Feel free to inquire about any of these.). Lots of stuff in the last 3 weeks.  I know that I’m incredibly lucky and have much to be grateful for.

Today’s Motto:  I’m loved and lucky.  And I really feel like I deserve it.  It’s so nice to be in this phase of life rather than where I was 9 months ago. ❤️ 

Childcare Arrangement

I figured this might help since I haven’t really clarified the current childcare arrangement that Grayheart and I have made for our two kids (5 and 2 years old).

Grayheart sees the kids almost on a nightly basis (by having dinner and bedtime routine with us) as well as two mornings during the week. On the weekends, I have one evening to myself while he has the other and then he spends a chunk of Saturday and Sunday with them. We are flexible with each other if something comes up.

Grayheart does not have a permanent place yet and is looking to purchase a townhouse nearby since he wants to be as close to the kids as possible. We figure as long as the kids see him on a very frequent basis (and we maintain a friendly relationship in front of them), they’ll be able to navigate the upcoming holidays and overall situation as well as possible. The kids seem to be young enough to adapt easily but yet are aware that there’s a change in our home.  (They have done very well so far but it’s been just over two weeks.)

I’m happy to say that Grayheart is a wonderful father and absolutely adores our kids. I know that this arrangement seems unusual and possibly even disadvantageous to my healing but I will be fine as long as my children are fine. They come first and they are victims in this process. It is up to us to be proper co-parents and set a good example for them. I’m aware enough to realize that as time passes and he has a permanent living situation and we have other serious partners, etc. that the schedule will change but I’m confident we will adjust accordingly. I’ll have to worry about those things as they come. Right now, the most important thing for us is to make sure those munchkins get through this initial period as whole as possible.

En paz