When you almost run into your ex-husband’s mistress turned girlfriend 

I had a bit of an awkward situation last night.

Normally, my arrangement with Grayheart is that I drop off the kids to him and he brings them back to me. We’ve read in a few books that it’s easier on kids to not feel like they’re being “taken” from their parent’s house by the other parent.

Last night we switched it up because I was coming home from dinner and thought it’d be easier to pick them up on my way home. I asked him to bathe our youngest (He-man, my 3 yr old son) so I didn’t have to deal with it when I got home. 

Somehow he misunderstood. So when I arrived, little He-man had not been bathed. I was visibly annoyed so Grayheart offered to bathe him quickly. I waited in the living room. She-ra, my 6 yr old daughter, then exclaims “Mami! Why don’t you meet Raggedy Ann! I want to introduce you to her! She’s upstairs!”


So I calmly, coolly and tauntingly said out loud “Why yes! Why doesn’t she come down so we can meet?”

Grayheart bolted over and pleaded with me to please not put She-ra in the middle of the situation and drop it.

I took a look at my innocent daughter who was excited for introductions and decided to drop it. I said I would meet her at another time since she was probably in the bathroom.

I was pissed!

I don’t know what I would’ve done. A million things went through my mind.

  1. She’s a freaking wimp. No one would ever have me hiding.
  2. I’m glad the bitch is scared of me.
  3. I’m going to punch her once in the face. Just one knock out.
  4. Do I smile and pretend to be pleased to meet her in front of the kids?
  5. Do I threaten to kick her ass at a later time?
  6. Do I call her a whore or a skank?
  7. Should I roundhouse kick her?
  8. Which eye should I spit in?
  9. Do I thank her for taking him off my hands and congratulate her for having my sloppy seconds? He’s your problem now, bitch!
  10. Do I run up the stairs and further I intimidate her?
  11. Should I walk out the door and wait in the car? (Hell no!)
  12. I’m going to take my sweet ass time in his house and walk around like o own the place.

Once I quickly recovered from my shock, I hissed at him “You have your fucking girlfriend here?!” 

You know what his response was? To put it back on me! “You never asked.”, he said deadpan. (So typical for him to immediately respond with a way to blame me when backed into a corner.) And then he realized how dumb he sounded and apologized. I never go inside his house and, of course, this time I did. He didn’t think and didn’t know what to do. 

I was seething. But I held myself together and waited patiently in the living room for the kids. 

It was awkward, to say the least. But then it got me thinking… I will meet her eventually. She’s around my kids and our paths will cross. How do I handle that first time we do meet?

I hate Grayheart for giving me this headache. How am I supposed to treat a woman that was complicit in the breakup of our marriage? (Yes, I know I’m better off. Yes, I know it’s him that I’m to hold responsible. Yes, I know we had issues before her.) But, realistically, she is a weasel and disrespected me and my family. I can’t just let her think I’m a doormat and okay with that kind of crap! 

I know I’ll get over it and eventually have no feelings towards her. But this is now. And I don’t think I’m a big enough person at this point to turn the other cheek.
Suggestions are welcome! I’d love to hear how you may have handled it if you’ve ever been in the situation! Did I do the right thing last night?

As a slightly funny thing, as I was waiting in the foyer, I noticed her flip flops by the front mat. I was going to kick them outside the front door since it was raining and they’d get soaked. Yes. Total third grade behavior but it was that kind of moment. As I started to, Grayheart walked out and I quickly acted like nothing happened and was unable to fully complete my immature stunt. Hmpf! 

Today’s mantra: Take it easy. You leave to the Caribbean tomorrow for your bff’s wedding. Let it go! (And how awesome there is a rainbow today?!)


Starting to Shed Some Skin

It’s been a week since I’ve written a post and a bit longer since I actually posted about my interactions with Grayheart.

Two days after our sexcapade, I talked to him about it and advised that we could not do it again.  He was a bit surprised.  Then he commented that the use of condoms was awkward.  I just replied that the whole experience was awkward.  It felt strange sleeping with him without it being love.  He asked me to not rub it in. (Oh well, asshole.)

He was strangely quiet and distant that evening. It seemed as if he’d been rejected and was bothered by it.  (Payback’s a bitch, ain’t it?)

I had a feeling I knew what was coming next…

I’m almost positive he’s back with Raggedy.  Last week he wouldn’t even look me in the eyes.  When he left my house, he would leave in the opposite direction of where he lives.  And he’s a bit more on his phone than he had been in quite some time.  This week just started and he’s a bit better but it’s like we’re in two different worlds.

I don’t feel the same way I did before.  I don’t have that seething fury I carried for so long.  I know what she is to him…a toy.  He needs the emotional validation, the escape from the hurt, the filling of the void. I’m not saying he’s pining for me.  I just realize again how weak he is.  He’ll do anything to avoid the loneliness and numbing pain of the break-up. And that makes me feel better somehow.  But this is not about Raggedy or Grayheart… it’s about meI feel differently towards him.  I haven’t once tried to snoop or pry, I don’t fill my mind with thoughts of what they’re doing, I haven’t done anything to try to interfere with their relationship.  I just don’t care.  I feel like I’m starting to actually move on.  (Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t want to run into them together or anything!)

I’ve waited a bit to write this because I was trying to sort out my feelings.  To see if it was a temporary realization.  But I am now ready to say it out loud.  I feel much more…buoyant.  I don’t want Angry Athena to take over my life.  I’m finding strength and happiness in my independence.  Having shed some of that skin has made me feel lighter.

I still have bouts of sadness and nostalgia and regret and all those other lovely emotions that come with divorce BUT I’m not angry with him.  (Well, he’s not my favorite person right now but I’m not the confused/enraged/unsettled/bitter person I have been the last several months.)   And I’m prepared for the inevitable setbacks that come with this process.  But you know what?  Today, my progress feels pretty darn good.

Today’s Mantra:  Here’s to the healing process!  There’s light at the end of the tunnel. 🙂