Captain and I recently celebrated our one year anniversary. It’s hard to believe that what started as a connection on Match.com has turned into a really wonderful and healthy relationship.
Captain was married once before. His ex-wife suffers from bipolar disorder. He took care of her and they loved each other a great deal. At some point, though, she was out of town and had an affair/one-night stand during a manic episode there. She, of course, regretted the indiscretion and hid it for some time.
Well, we all know the saying: The truth always comes out. It crushed him when he found out. That was the one and only thing he said he’d never forgive. Captain immediately filed for divorce. The marriage lasted about 3 years and she probably hid her secret for almost a year. He couldn’t forgive her infidelity. He felt as if he’d been played for a fool.
Fidelity, loyalty and trust are important traits for him. The lessons he learned from his divorce have given him a no-nonsense view on what to expect and how to be in a relationship. He’s never played games with me and holds himself to as high of standards as he holds me. I appreciate this and easily follow suit.
Most of you know my story and how my husband, Grayheart, broke my heart. The separation, albeit tough, was not the most devastating aspect of the whole situation since I’d been unhappy for a long time. It was the start of the emotional affair with his co-worker whore/later-turned-girlfriend, Raggedy, and the sneakiness that really did me in.
I was pushed out of my comfy, predictable life and all of a sudden thrown into a whirlwind of uncertainties and emotions. I didn’t think I would fall in love again and I, sure as shit, did not think I’d ever trust a man. I figured I’d casually date for years until one day I’d meet a quality guy I’d like to spend time with. And then the universe knocked me on my ass and connected me with a man that made my heart skip a beat.
Captain’s past experiences, kindness and love for me really have given me faith. I believe that there might actually be good and valiant men out there that are capable of cherishing a deserving woman. I trust this man more with my feelings than I ever have any man. I grew up hearing that relationships were incredibly hard work. And so I tolerated so much crap from Grayheart thinking that’s what marriage was. But what if they don’t have to be that hard?
What if good relationships were meant to navigate the tough times together and keep each other lifted when the outside world threw challenges at you?
What if you could be two different people but co-exist well together without bringing each other down?
I had moments like that during my marriage but the majority of it was weighed down by Grayheart’s negativity. But I trucked on… because that’s what marriage was?
I am wiser now, I’d like to think. I value things differently and am a better partner as a result of a failed marriage. I’d like to think that Captain and I work so well together because we both appreciate the things we previously took for granted. I promised myself that I will never put my relationship in cruise control.
So, if there’s one good thing that’s come out of this experience, it’s not just finding but really appreciating a man like Captain.
How did we celebrate our one year anniversary? We re-did our first date. It was just as magical. This time, though, I took him home with me! 😉
Aaw, I am in love – with your relationship! 😉 Congratulations on the anniversary! I hope you get many, many more happy years together. Takce care of each other! xo
LikeLiked by 3 people
*shy smile* Thank you! I appreciate the love! ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a beautiful story Athena. And many congratulations on your anniversary. Here’s to many and many more with your Captain 🙂 the saying is always true, once you close one door, many open up. I love the photos, especially the last one. Even though your eyes are concealed, your faces say it all. 😍😍😍
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, my friend! ❤️ I’m kind of embarrassed to be so gushy about it but I figure the one year mark would be a happy memory to record. He makes me blissfully happy, thank you for saying that. I don’t know how I got so lucky. I think God was really looking out for me after being treated so poorly for so long. Xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Embarrassed?!?!? Whyyyyy. Live your truth and ENJOY every second of it. Life is a happy place. Takes time to reach it, but once you do, SHOW it to the rest of the world. You deserve it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
😘
LikeLike
Beautiful post. This post gives hope to others who have suffered a big loss. Many of us find it difficult to trust again. So, happy it has turned out well for you. Best of luck to you and your relationship.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thx! It’s an incredibly daunting thought to think of trusting your fragile heart to another person. But I don’t want him to pay the price for my ghosts. He’s earned my trust and love. ❤️ Thank you for the nice comments.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are a brave one. Your blog shows others they can recover and be happy again. Thank you for that. Be well.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thx! 🙂 ❤️❤️❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
So adorable!!! Just hook me up with the wookie, cause I think that’s all that’s out there for me…LMBO!!!!!!!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahaha! I looooooove Chewy!! He’s so huggable! Lol! Captain had serious competition there! 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
So happy for you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks! 😘
LikeLiked by 1 person
So glad things are working out for you. I met my guy on match and its been 7 months now. The past is over, here’s to great times ahead!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yay! Crazy how that happens, right?! Congrats to you, too!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is a great post and I for one totally understand finding that special someone. I truly am happy for both of you – happy anniversary! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks! 🙂 Hopefully we have a long and happy life together like you and your wife. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Here’s to love, indeed! I tell people all the time, especially here, that we aren’t all shit. Some of us value one woman, for the long-haul. Good and bad, happy and sad. As long as its with her, I’m good. I hope y’all have that too. I’m not sure what I ever did to deserve it, but I’d wish it for everyone. Congrats on the anniversary! 😊
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re so awesome. Guys like you inspire women like us that have been hurt. Continue to love like you do! We love hearing about it! ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m just the lucky bastard that hit the trifecta: like, love, lust. Thank god she feels the same way. 😃
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awww love this post, how lovely. Congrats on 1 year, here’s to many more!xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks!
How have you been? Haven’t heard anything from your end in awhile. You been holding up ok? Lots of hugs to you
LikeLiked by 1 person
Happy anniversary. So nice to read we can find that connection again! Funnily enough I was considering Match recently
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thx! I hope you try it! Would love to hear your experiences with it! Xo
LikeLike
Btw, are you not writing? Every time I click on your link, it says “deleted”. 😦
LikeLike
Really? Thanks will look into. Am def writing
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for the heads up! Should be amended now
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yay! Got it! Thx!
LikeLike
Well, you’re sure as hell having better luck than I am! LOL Congratulations and I couldn’t be happier for you. Hugs.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Laurel! I appreciate the support and happy wishes! Online dating is a funny thing. You can get lots of laughs and then you might find a diamond in the rough. There were plenty of jokers in there, I’m just glad my timing worked out well with Captain! ❤️
LikeLike
I’m glad for you, too. This online dating is hilarious….I wonder how I would tell somebody that they look like a homeless person? LOL
LikeLiked by 1 person
ROFL!!! Um… Sir… So sorry, but one of my requirements was someone that bathed on a daily basis. As well as wears well fitting clothes… And, well, can’t live in a cardboard box. And not look like an extra off of the set of some grimy NYC crime drama. Lol!
LikeLike
LMAO! I’m sort of afraid to actually say anything on the site. My friend said they could trace my IP address and find me.
Now, I have a gun and I know how to use it but I’d rather not have to scrape blood and guts off my walls. THAT is not my idea of a date! LOL
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lmao! But it’d make for a fun post! 😉 lol! J/K
LikeLike
It would be a fun post, wouldn’t it? I could title it “blood and guts.” LOL
LikeLiked by 1 person
I like! And with your paramedic/medical experience, you could have lots of fun with details! Lmao!!
LikeLike
LOL
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love this post! Happy 1 year and cheers to many more + the engagement and wedding 😉 lol
You know, I find myself at times wondering why people complicate relationships and love when it can be simple and easy going. I’ve been married 9 years and it’s been easy. Sure there are problems here and there but nothing we can’t/won’t tackle together. And we support one another and encourage each other to be and do better and grow wiser.
I’m glad you and Captain fund each other. And even with those hearts and stars disguising you I can tell you’re both a great looking couple. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lmao! Planning my future for me? Love it! Lol!
It’s inspiring to hear people can be together and be compatible without feeling like the other person is draining you. I know you’ve always said such wonderful things about your husband and I know you’re a quality woman. It’s just about finding that right fit with someone that is mature and wise. I really didn’t realize this before but I’m glad I have now. Whether captain is my forever or not, I’ll never settle for anything less. Cheers to you for finding that with your hubby.
And thanks for the compliment… Making me blush… 😘😘😘❤️❤️❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Got the future and your invites planned out…Grayheart’s invite unfortunately will get lot in the mail :p or we can always give him a front row seat to your happiness.
Yes, I think the recipe is finding someone that you mesh with in more ways than one. Someone you can learn from and they you and be open to embracing what we can share, give and create together, and want to be and do better with them. I think sometimes we get lost in the illusion of what love and a relationship should be and that’s when we are destained to fail. It’s ok to accept our partners and sometimes sacrifice for them but never lose ourselves and our happiness because of them, there must be a balance.
I am as always rooting for you and Captain to fly all the way to happy ever after. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Absolutely. The illusion of love vs reality creates false expectations… Ones impossible to live up to. Once you realize what you should really value and appreciate, I think it makes it easier to find the right partner. Striking a balance with someone that is not selfish and grows with you is incredibly important.
Thank you for your endless support and really sweet thoughts. You are wise and thoughtful and fun and funny… I love hearing from you. Xoxoxo
LikeLike
This makes me so happy. If anyone deserves to find love again it’s you. You are a beautiful couple. ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Caroline. I truly appreciate it. It’s weird to say it aloud because I sometimes think I’ll jinx it but I am really proud of my relationship. I feel like I finally got it right after so many years of feeling the complete opposite. I think I’m still in shock at times that someone can actually love me like this and know me so well. Your self esteem suffers so much when you are with someone for so long that manipulates you. I know we’ve talked about it before so I won’t drone on… but you know what I mean. Xo 😘
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know that feeling that you will jinx yourself. Honestly though, whoever wants to stay in your life will stay, whoever wants to go will leave. Captain totally seems like he’s in it to win it LOL. I hope one day to find what you have. ❤️❤️❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
This post made me smile, and today has been a day where it has been quite hard to smile. “One day this pain will make sense to you”. Here’s hoping. And happy anniversary! I hope you have many more!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks, my friend. I appreciate the kind words. And I’m glad you smiled because I know how hard it has been for you going through your divorce. It’s taken me a bit to get here but it’s nice to finally be on the other side of heartbreak. I’m holding my hand out to you excited for your arrival there as well. Xoxo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Athena. Nothing quite like knowing that there are some good people rooting for me, both here and in the webverse.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow! I remember reading your post about your first date with Captain. I remember how happy and gushy you were. I’m so happy to hear that you’re such a good fit. Muchas bendiciones. You are one beautiful lady, and Captain is muy guapo :-D.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol! Muchas gracias, mi amiga! Te lo agradesco… ❤️ I’m still gushy and it’s a nice feeling! Lol! Thanks for seeing me through from the beginning to now. Xo
LikeLike
Oh, this made me smile as I walked home after the school drop. Anyone driving by probably thought I was an utter nutter .. but I was just soooo happy for you and for Captain … and for your kids too. And I felt that, whilst I’m nowhere near wanting ANY connection yet, I love, love, LOVE to hear that it can happen!!
And I value your words about the realisation that what you had, and what you thought was ‘normal’, was not!
Congrats to you both. I wish you much happiness for the future. Look after each other xxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, my lovely friend. I truly appreciate the love. It took a long time to realize all these things and now I know not to take it for granted and to never settle again. My therapist warned me a year and a half ago… “We will make sure that when you start dating, you will not repeat the same pattern. People tend to do so because they go towards what’s familiar to them.” And those words really were burned into my brain. I’ll never allow myself to be that unhappy or be mistreated again. And I wish that for all my beautiful friends here that have been burned because we’ve proven we are strong and never need to take anyone’s shit again. I’d rather be alone than be taken for granted. Ok. I’m off my soapbox now! Lol!
Thanks for your friendship. I really love our little community. ❤️
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love this. It gives everyone hope and we all need hope. Yes, I thought that for a long time that marriage was supposed to be hard so I tolerated. I wasn’t perfect, but I loved without fail because I was told that it would get better. I think the most important thing I would tell anyone is that love shouldn’t hurt. It shouldn’t belittle. It shouldn’t lie. It shouldn’t steal. If it does, get out now. That’s not love.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thanks, Tikeetha. You say it well. It should not involved any of these things. If it does, then the person puts their selfish needs before anything else and/or doesn’t mind hurting their loved one. And that’s not real love. So, yes, to anyone: get out fast!!
Makes me wonder if as women we tend to tolerate this more often? Are we socialized to be this way? Are we more gullible? I wasn’t perfect either but I was faithful and certainly would put my ex first and did anything in my power to make him happy.
Thanks for the support and good thinking points. 🙂 xo
LikeLiked by 2 people
I totally think we’re socialized to believe that. I can’t be perfect but being faithful shouldn’t be hard in a marriage. I know. I speak from personal experience. My child’s father wasn’t faithful. Twice. I forgave the first time and I was done the second. Combined with all the BS behavior I thought it best my son grows up knowing the best part of me. The happy part that isn’t in a f**ked up marriage.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I’m with you! And Munch will be better for it. I never wanted my kids to think this was how a woman should be treated nor how they should treat a partner. My ex was not faithful either in a number of different ways and I should’ve realized then what a farce it was. Lessons learned…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Happy Anniversary, I am so thrilled for you 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thx! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awh this makes me so happy. Happy Anniversary! ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you!
LikeLike
I’m SO happy for you guys! It just goes to show that if you are true to yourself, allow yourself to love again, and keep your standards high, life can surprise you with just the person you need.
I remember feeling surprised with the ease of my relationship with my now husband, too, who was also divorced. We each chose the wrong person for our first marriage that ended up being just the right person to prep us to appreciate the quirks in each other. i.e. She was unloving and not affectionate, while I over do it. He knows what the opposite is like, so we are able to cherish each other fully. What a wonderful thing!
To many more years blissful happiness! ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for the kind words, Kelsie! ❤️ I’m happy you and your hubby found each other… I remember being very inspired by your story and life when I first started blogging. You’re right, life is full of surprises and keeping true to myself has been my compass. Xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
That warms my heart! So glad that my story could help give you some hope in sucha trying time ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Isn’t it freaking amazing after being cheated on that you find someone in the same boat and completely trust with out the least bit of insecurity? I was like you and thought there is no freaking way I will ever trust someone with everything about me. It’s such a liberating feeling, and hearing Greyheart is a lonely schmuck spending too much time in the bathroom reading the Frederick’s of Hollywood catalog is icing on the cake. If you been dating the captain for a year that means we’ve known each other that long………..YIKES time flies! Yay you for finding a good man and getting out of murky online waters of online dating ASAP!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Heck yeah! Very liberating… It’s such a relief to know there are good people out there. ❤️
And yes! We’ve known each other now over a year! So happy anniversary to us as well! Lol! 😉
LikeLike
This was so sweet to read! There’s really nothing like a sincere, gushing proclamation about love when it’s so well deserved, and it seems like your Captain is definitely deserving of it. I love that both of you went through heart break but used it to figure out what you truly wanted. You took the lessons you learned and poured yourselves into this relationship. I’m sure you were really cautious too in the beginning because of all the hurt from the marriage and because you have children but you were willing to still try and something very beautifully unfolded as a result!! Happy Anniversary to you!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aw, thanks, Kaye! I was incredibly cautious and guarded at the beginning but he won me over. And the damn butterflies in my stomach wouldn’t let up. I couldn’t not be around him! 🙂 Thanks for the kind words and warm wishes. Put a big smile on my face. 🙂 xo
LikeLike
Here’s to love! Always great to read a happily ever after story.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Barb! I hope it stays this way! Lol!
LikeLike
Reblogged this on nekiabutler.
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is awesome. I love how I’ve read about him from the beginning and seeing where this is now is really cool. Good for you. And yes, I’m still jealous that you spend some of your time in the keys.
My one year is in two months. Ee also are planning to re-do the first date.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thanks, Rex! I like how our relationships have really mirrored each other’s! Can’t wait to hear about your anniversary date with Mona afterward! 🙂 xo
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mirrored. Lol. Are you an occasional pain in your boyfriend’s ass too? Lol.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Depends who you ask! Lol! Me: Of course not! Him: Absolutely! 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah I suppose that’s how it is
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m probably the last person to comment here but anyway:
even with the blurred faces I’m sure you’re quite the couple and I am beyond happy for you guys since I was there when you started dating him. It was right around the time I met someone special too.
I am so happy for you! Good luck, babe! ❤ And congrats!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks! Sweet of you to say. And, yes, I certainly remember your lightning bolt special guy and I’d love to hear more when you’d like to share! Xoxoxo
LikeLiked by 1 person
This is EXCELLENT. Coming back from divorce is tough because you have to find somewhere else to leave the baggage. Lessons good, baggage bad. And yet so difficult to separate! Good on you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Jay! It’s nice to pick myself up after being knocked down. 😉 And I especially appreciate the kudos coming from someone who understands. Xo
LikeLike
Cheers!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thx! 🙂
LikeLike