I am sending over my attorney’s revised Marital Separation Agreement (MSA) today to Grayheart. There aren’t a ton of changes to the document but I did ask for one more year of “bridge-the-gap” alimony.
We originally agreed that this school year (til Sept 2016), I would continue to be a stay-at-home mom while working part time as a substitute teacher. He pays child support and covers the mortgage as my spousal support. I will go back to working full time in September.
I’m now asking him for one more year of half the cost of the mortgage. I don’t think it’s unreasonable. (Frankly, I could and should ask for more.) But I have all sorts of conflicted feelings towards alimony. Anyway, I thought this would be a good way to make sure I properly get back on my feet.
(As a side note, I’m also a bit nervous about going back to work full-time – after being gone for 3 years – and juggling the kids as a single parent. I know I’ll be fine but it’s still a bit intimidating.)
I think Grayheart will scoff and be resistant at first for the additional year but I think we’ll be able to figure it out. At least I hope so.
I’m a procrastinator with a capital P. I’ve been dragging my feet on this divorce paperwork for some time because I want to avoid the conflict that will likely arise as a result of it.
I hate fighting and I hate how anxious and depressed I get about it.
I hate asking for things. Especially money.
Wish me luck.
xo
Best of luck, Athena! I’m sure that it’s uncomfortable, but it’s all about making sure that you and the kids are safe and sound.
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Thank you, Rob. Super uncomfortable. Especially when you’re dealing with money and your children. Bleh.
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Good luck
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Thx!
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Divorce negotiations are so anxiety-provoking. Good luck!
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Thanks, Melanie! That’s why I keep avoiding it. Not proud of that but it’s definitely not something I’m looking forward to.
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I was so thrilled to get divorced but I kept putting it off too. It’s just uncomfortable no matter how amicable the parties are, or how glad you are to get it over with like I was. But once it’s done you will feel like a new person. It’s like finding yourself all over again.
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That’s inspiring to hear, thank you for telling me this. I think I’ll be relieved to have it over and done with. It’s so weird negotiating your life on a piece of paper. Your kids, finances, home, etc. Very impersonal for something so impersonal. Then I worry I’m overlooking something I’ll later regret. But it’s better to get it over with!! Xo
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❤️❤️
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If he has half a brain I would think he would agree to it for the kids sake at least. Good Luck!
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Thx, Gary. He has half a brain. But he’s such an argumentative ass that it’ll probably be him giving me some sarcastic or rude start off and then we’ll figure it out. He gets very defensive quickly.
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Good luck lovely. You are not asking for anything that you don’t deserve. Ask for it like you own it. 💋
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Lol! Thanks, C. I might need you to shrink yourself so I can put you in my pocket during my talk with him. I need your swagger right now! Lol
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I only wish I had it for myself LOL, unfortunately it’s only for others. Hold your head up, don’t be apologetic. Listen to something kick ass before you meet him. Read “phenomenal woman” by maya Angelou, that always gives me courage. Wear something you feel good in. Even force yourself to smile. Look the part even if you don’t feel it.
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I like this advice! I will, thank you so much! ❤️
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Athena, good luck – I know how difficult this can be. I have been there – done that. Except I was on the receiving end. That was many, many years ago, no hard feelings now – but it can be a little nerve racking. Hang in there, everything will work out fine. 🙂
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Nice to hear that years later you have no hard feelings. 🙂 Thanks for wishing me luck! Xo
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Best of luck.
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Thanks! 🙂
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This too shall pass. Hang tough on your stance. He may bitch at first, but it’s for your kids security. I assume he’ll see it that way too. Good luck. 😊
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Thanks, bud. I think he will, too. I’m really not asking for much. I’m just not looking forward to the initial balking or intimidation tactics.
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That’s what lawyers are for. Don’t sweat it too much, let the lawyers do their thing, and protect those kids. It’ll work out, just weather the storm. 😊
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Good point. Thanks! 🙂
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Good luck. Hope he’s cooperative. 😊
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Good luck, let us know how it goes❤️
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Stand your ground. Ask for what you want. Ask for the moon and the fucking stars. You may not get them but you can still ask. I stood my ground for the first time ever when I filed. I suffered the growling, tooth-showing, snarling, threatening “I’m not paying you fucking alimony!” I just smiled and said nothing. Guess who’s getting alimony?
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Lmao!!! You’re awesome. Glad you stood your ground. You deserve more than alimony for dealing with his crazy ass!
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I know. He was a penis with a capitol DICK!
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Lmao!!
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You can juggle work and kids. After raising three girls in childcare then in school and now college, I can honestly say they are well-rounded and understand how to work and go to school at the same time. I’d like to think that we make the best examples of how to be strong women. You’ll kill it dear! Cheers
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Thanks, Janet. How nice to hear your girls are so well rounded and hard working.
It’s funny, I worked full time until my youngest was 1. I quit because my grandparents couldn’t take on the full responsibility of caring for him before he went to preschool. My kids have absolutely no recollection of me working full time! Lol! So they’ll get used to it and I’ll figure it out. 🙂 Thanks for the girl power!
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Good luck ! I’ve been back working full time alongside my jewellery making and it’s hard but you get use to it.
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Thanks, Gin!
So awesome! Happy to hear it’s going well for you. Xo
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Well… I’m doing it for money and not out of passion to be honest :p I’m getting used to it. It’s for our wedding and honeymoon that I’m doing it so it keeps me motivated 😀
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Working or the jewelry?
I struggled a lot with this concept several years ago. I decided when I was working that I would stop stressing about my job being my passion. Work would allow me to fund those things I was passionate about outside of work. 🙂 So I’m glad you are using the wedding & honeymoon to keep you motivated!
PS – how exciting! Where are you thinking of getting married and honeymooning??? 🙂
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Working 😉 I really love the jewellery !
Since we got engaged in Iceland.. we were thinking about getting married there, with the family and maybe a few close friends. It’s going to be expensive to pay for their flights (from singapore and Belgium) and the few days in Iceland (food and accommodation). We still need to figure things out. It costs so much. As for the honeymoon… we still don’t know… so many options !
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Sounds fabulous!!! Good luck with everything!!!
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I work to fund me and my kids too. Trying now to really get more into traveling and writing/gaining exposure. Requires getting over some resistance.
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Good for you. This is why moms are amazing! Good luck with these goals! #girlpower
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Thank you!
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You go get what is your right. He owe’s it to you so he can suck it if he doesn’t like it.
And on a different note, how in the world did I stop following you? I decided to check on you when l see this and I didn’t have it on my feed and then I noticed the follow button. What the …?
Anyways, all corrected, following again 🙂
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Lol! He can suck it! I love all the girl power I’m getting!
I didn’t notice but it’s funny you mention it because this has happened to me a few times with people. I wasn’t sure if I was inadvertently doing it with my clumsy fingers. But then a few others complained of the same thing. I think it’s a WP or WP app issue. 🙂 xo
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I hope it works out for you! Happy to hear that you are moving forward with it all… 😊 Good luck with everything! I am sure it will work out, eventually. 💙
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Thanks! 🙂 No pain, no gain, right? 😉
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Exactly! 😊
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I know how uncomfortable it may feel, hence me not asking for a single penny, not even child support. But, just like totallycaroline wrote, ask for it like you own it. ITS YOUR RIGHT!!!!
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Ugh! Why are we so damn honorable? Lol!
I thought of you actually since you’d recently written about your process. Never fun.
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Aside from potential conflict, it must be hard severing ties. There’s a certain finality to this.
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It is. But I think it was harder several months back. Frankly, at this point, I’m looking forward to it. I think because we’ve been living separate lives for over a year now. As father to my kids, I know he’ll always be involved. 🙂
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🍀 good luck 🍀 😘
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Thanks! 😊 I need it! Lol
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Good luck. I hope everything goes your way. ;o)
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Thanks, Tone! Nice to meet you! 🙂
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Same here.
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When you work full time, will it be in teaching? Are you certified now, or do you still have more work to do before then? In most ways, it’s a great profession to have with a family (we all had a snow day today) but I have to admit that, sometimes, my reserve of patience can be used up before I get to my own kids.
I find it helpful not to teach the same age as my children. I teach middle school and my kids are between 4-10.
Good luck with everything!
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Hi!!! How nice to learn more about you. 🙂
So, yes, I was considering teaching due to the schedule. I really want to be home more than what I was when I was in real estate. (I just need one more certification to be done.) I was aiming for middle school for the exact same reason you say! My kids will soon be 4&7 and every time I sub for elementary, I’m worn out beyond belief.
Thank you for the solid advice and well wishes. I really appreciate it! ❤️
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Oh man, I can totally understand having anxiety about conflicts, it’s the same with me. I stall such situations for as long as I can. I wish you all the luck in the world Athena, May the force be with you ! ❤
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Lol! Love that, thanks! I will use the force! 😉
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Wishing you luck and praying heavily for you. I hate asking my ex for anything because you never know which side of their personality you will get. But you are strong and you will be alright either way!
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Thanks, my friend. You couldn’t have said it any better… “You never know which side of their personality you will get.” Soooo true! And that’s where my nervousness lies. Let’s see. 🙂 Many thanks for the prayers and luck. You’re so kind hearted, it really comes through in all you write and share. 😘
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Gracias! You are always so gracious as well. You know why? Cause we’re awesome! Lol!!!
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When you do your divorce agreement make sure you include adjustments to child support at least every 3 years. You should ask for his tax returns. Also consider the impact of one or both of you moving out of state or some long distance. You can agree to it verbally or write it in if you want. Lastly consider college funding for your children. I had a 65 / 35 deal with my ex. It worked out well enough, and child support should go through 21 if they attend full time university. Head and heart at times like this. The law considers divorce adversarial, but it can be amicable too …
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Thank you! Great advice!
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My ex-wife had a great lawyer – mine not so good, but it all worked out in the end
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Good luck! Your kids are still young and the benefit from having you NOT going into full-time work now can’t be ignored (especially while going through divorce). My youngest is 6 and I personally feel that’s too young to leave her at before- and after-school care, so, after 10 years of stay-at-home-mummy, I was lucky enough to get part-time work. I hope Grayheart sees that this isn’t about the money!
PS: LOVE the jpeg 🙂
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I hope so, too, amiga… He normally puts the kids first but I think he’s overwhelmed with debt right now and is really pissed off at the thought of having to spend more. Asshole. He got us into this mess.
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Aah – the good old blame game. In their rule books, that means ‘blame her for I have done no wrong’ lol
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Yup! lol! So cliche, seriously.
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And I’m glad you get to work part time! I agree with you about your youngest and what they’ve been used to. Xo
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GOOD LUCK!
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Thx! 🙂
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Hello DivorceWithMe!
Because I really like your blog, I have nominated you for “The Versatile blogger award”! You can read all about it in my latest blog post: https://survivednarc.wordpress.com/2016/03/08/the-versatile-blogger-award/
There is no pressure to participate, it’s just fun if you do (on your own time schedule). It simply entails writing a blog post just like mine (but changing your “facts” and “nominations”, of course). Congratulations on being a great blogger! Hugs /SurvivedNarc.
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Cool! Thanks so much! I’m very flattered you nominated me! 😍❤️
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Reading your story makes me feel better that when I got divorced there were no children and we split everything down the middle . Wishing you lots of luck
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Thx! So true! It’s definitely complicated with kids. xo
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I totally feel for you dear! you deserve so much and it is hard to get back on your feet so be easy with yourself and get what you deserve! xx
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Thanks, Lynn! ❤️
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hope it all works out well!
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