Are you going to marry Captain?

Are you going to marry Captain?

That’s the text I got this morning from my ex, Grayheart.

Completely out of the blue. Right after he sent me a text letting me know the kids were dropped off at school.

 
Me: “Wha? What the hell kind of question is that?”

Grayheart: “Just curious. Not an unreasonable question. You have been dating for a year or so now.”

A few snarky responses to came to mind:

  • What the fuck does it matter to you?
  • Yes, he’s the love of my life.
  • Yes. And the kids will start calling him Dad. 
  • Hell yes, because he’s more man than you ever were.
  • Are we not still legally married? I don’t believe in bigamy.
  • Yes, I am. And, by the way, I’m pregnant. Funny because I thought I was showing.

*For the record, I am NOT pregnant and have no intention on having any other kids.*

But I am mature and composed so I  responded with: 

“The question surprises me so it caught me off guard. I don’t know what the future holds. I’m not worrying about marriage or anything like that right now. I’m happy and Captain is really good to me. Past that, I’m not giving anything else any thought. “

It’s not his business to know my relationship status with Captain. I gave him enough information so that he understands that I am in a good place. But that he doesn’t have to worry at this time about some guy he barely knows moving in to the house with his kids.

Truth is, I treat Captain as if he’s my future but I don’t waste time worrying about the next step with him. I am happy just being happy. Captain and I definitely speak of marriage and growing old together but I don’t feel pressured or rushed and it is absolutely perfect.

I knew this wasn’t over. I suspect Grayheart will soon want to have a talk. He already mentioned to a mutual friend that he wished things had gone down differently and that he misses his family. It might do us good to clear the air and draw a very firm line in the sand. 

 
Have a great weekend, mi gente!  

XO ❤️

Athena


88 thoughts on “Are you going to marry Captain?”

  1. Oops! My bad! Those just don’t quite cut it I’m guessing. Of course he misses his family! But he made the decision to not keep it intact. I like you, and as a distant observer I’d say you’ll likely remain rational about all this, just based on your posts and our limited conversations. But be aware what’s afoot here. Just sayin’.

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    • Thanks, my friend. Actions have consequences. I warned him. Everyone warned him. Now he gets it? Gimme a break. That’s loneliness talking. I’m not falling for it. But it certainly has been haunting my brain lately. Not getting back together but just him in general. Makes me even feel kind of sorry for him. Annoying.

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      • Reaping what we sow sucks sometimes. I’m guessing y’all were together for a while. I’m sure you still care. But he had to know that splitting weekends with the kids, you with a new man, etc would result from his actions. If not, he was delusional. I’ll never understand what goes through the cheaters mind. I’ve read about the so-called “fog”. To me, a piece of ass isn’t worth all of the pain and loss. I love sex, but damn! Just worry about you and those kids, he’ll figure his end out on his own.

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        • Together 13 years, married 9 of those. So now I’ve known him almost 15 years. I care for him. We have a lot of history and I know he’ll always be there for me and the kids. But I’m not his punching bag or lab rat… You don’t get to experiment and think you can come back to everything being the same. You were warned. You thought you knew more than everyone else. And now you learn.
          Some people are wiser and watch others bump their heads to learn a lesson. Others need to bump their own heads. Sadly he fell into the latter. I am the former (thankfully!)… Glad you are the same way!

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        • Seen the ramifications of an affair firsthand, and felt the aftershocks long after the fact. In some ways, I still do. Not super close to my dad, my boys don’t see him much, watched my mom flounder for years. It’s bullshit. Ending a relationship before starting another isn’t that fucking hard. Lots of bruises could easily be avoided. Oh well.

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  3. hmmm…. Your Steve Harvey is cracking me up! You should have told me he’d be getting his invite soon 😉

    Now that he is without his AP he wants to come crawling back bc he knows he made a terrible mistake, but he now has no choice but to swallow his actions.

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    • Thanks, bud. I appreciate the nice words. Does no one any good to be a bitch. I still have to see him on a regular basis. And I just don’t have the energy to stay angry. All flows better with the kids when we get along.
      Have a great weekend!

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  5. The audacity to comment to mutual connections. I hear it in a Fargo accident, because it sounds even more ridiculous “Oh yeh it’s super sad it went down like this, yknow, me exploding my whole family. If only my wife had been ok with me getting strange on the side, like getting a donut when you’re on a walk after dinner eh? Hahahaha. Oh yeh don’t you know I miss having all the people who adore me fawning over me 24-7, it’s so strange how throwing your whole life away for a piece of tail tends to mess that up now. I wish it could go back. And the wife now- she’s looking at some other fella, paying attention to him and letting him play with my little critters… Probably wears sexy things to bed too… It’s heart breaking, like she doesn’t even care that I’m not around now. Like she thinks he’s better because he accepts these kids and loves them and also doesn’t sneak around and date other women on the side… That’s gosh darn crazy don’t you know”

    Gag. I think I would have sent back something along the lines of “yours will be the first save- the -date I send, bahhhahahahhahaahahahaha”

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    • Lmao! Evil laugh and everything! Shit, do you know KcRambles?! You two would love each other! 🙂 Given all you’re going through, you always keep it fun.

      Your whole response in a Fargo accent: priceless! You hit the nail right on the head. I’m sure he says those exact things to himself and others. Dummy.

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  6. totallycaroline says:

    Wow, awkward. Good response though.
    You did so well with Captain . And there should be no shame in letting your ex know u are happy. You did it all honestly (unlike him).

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  11. I do not know if you have ever seen “Sex and the city”, but anyway, there is a scene where Carrie (protagonist) is complaining about mr. Big (seriously emotionally unavailable man) coming back time and again to try and “fix things”…. Finally, after years and years of this: Mr. Big comes back when Carrie is about to move to another country with another man… Carrie exclaims: He’s “the boy who cried: ‘Wolf'”!! Meaning he always pretended to care, but never got any action done about fixing what was wrong… In my simple opinion; do not let this rattle you or stop you in any way. My feeling is; Grayheart is someone who simply calls it when it is too late.. and even then; who knows if he would “actually” make the necessary work/changes… Nah, stick to your course. Best wishes! 🙂

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  12. streetpoet12 says:

    I love how you write. Ps I would have gone with ‘Yes we are getting married. Although We will wait until after the baby is born’
    I’m very mature…….

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    • Hi! I’m sorry I’m just seeing this! Somehow I missed a few comments here. Thank you for the lovely compliment on my writing. I’m sure I violate every rule of grammar but I try to just be me. 🙂

      Laughing my ass off at your comment!!!! I wish I had you all on speed dial so I could have discussed my response prior to sending it! Lol! I love it!

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  13. LOL! I was feeling your responses. I was thinking that I could recycle them should my son’s father ask that BS. That means you’re so much more grown up than most of us would be in your situation. I applaud you for that.

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    • Lmao! Please recycle away! We have to be prepared because these dummies tend to think they can creep back once they see we’ve moved on. 😉
      And thank you… I’m trying to be the level headed parent here since he’s obviously not! But there’s not much holding me back so if he catches me on an off day, it might not be as nice of a response! 😬

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  14. That was a pretty great response. I wonder what was going on in his head. Does he think you are his friend and he wants to confide in him in the status of your new relationship? Maybe it was a strange wave of loneliness.

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    • Thanks!

      It absolutely was a strange wave of loneliness. He’s lonelier than he’s ever been. He doesn’t have his family, broke up with his mistress and knows that I’ve always been there for him.
      Just remember this with your own situation. I absolutely am certain your ex husband will try to pull the same stunt. Be prepared! It might be 1-2 years from now, but just know that at some point they realize all is not perfect like they thought and get all nostalgic. Xo

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  16. OMG my ex did the same thing, too! Ug! Too bad, so sad! One thing he still does that REALLY bugs me is ask our daughter questions about my personal life, which is totally uncool. “Does Mommy have any guy friends? Does Mommy kiss them? Etc.” So you might brace yourself for that, and if you do have a heart to heart maybe bring it up to please not ask the kids questions about you and Captain, because it is not good for them psychologically to be put in that situation. I hope you two can come to a peaceful drama-free co-parenting situation long term. Good for you for taking the high road for your kids there, even tho it sure is tempting to do otherwise sometimes, I know!

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    • Wow! I never realized that your ex still is nosy like that! Thanks for the advice. I will most definitely have a heart to heart that includes this. I don’t want the kids to ever feel like they’re being pulled or manipulated by us. Cheers to doing the right thing for our kids! xo 🙂

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        • Lol! Why? Just why are they so textbook ridiculously crazy? Don’t they know that they are so cliche? It’s like we can write their life story for them. Boy meets girl. He courts her. They fall in love. They marry and have family. He screws up. She hurts. She gets over it. He realizes he made a big mistake. Too late. Man realizes he is no longer a boy and has to grow up. Without his real best friend by his side. So he then settles for next best thing. But will always pine for his ex. The end.

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        • Indeed! Like yours, he thought the grass would be greener w someone else. I tried to get him to see he would miss our family, being a daily part of his daughter’s life, giving her an intact secure childhood. Nope. He was incredibly mean, maybe huilt? anyway the witch dumped him the minute she realized the property, house, biz were all mine from before he and I met. She never looked back. About 6 months ago he said, out of the blue, “nobody ever got me like you did, or ever will.” I did not know what to say, but after all that neatly did me in, how could I ever take that chance again? Sad.

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        • Sounds like she was real classy. 😒 I’m glad she’s out of your daughter’s life. You don’t need that as an additional concern. And he sounds like he’s plenty complicated already.
          If you don’t mind me asking, what is your relationship with your ex like now? Do you co-parent well together? Does your current fiancé get on well with him?

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        • We have a fairly good co-parenting situation, I work hard to make sure there’s no drama. Every now and then he will act up, like when I met my guy now and things started looking serious, he realized someone else was going to be in the spot he could have been, then he reached out wanting to patch things up. It’s almost like you don’t know what you had till its gone, as he never reached out when I was still single. Now its too late. We all get along ok now but my fiancee and I keep interactions w him to a bare minimum and only about our daughter. Very “professional” for lack of a better term. He’s one to play head games so I just don’t give him a chance.

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        • That’s good. With his propensity for drama and temper issues, you obviously know how to handle him.
          I’ll still never understand the whole “don’t realize what you have til it’s gone” issue people have. I mean, I get it but I don’t understand putting your children’s needs so far behind your own to achieve what will most likely have a bad outcome.

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  19. WTF! Seriously WTF! OMG WTF! I’m out of words to go with WTF! Poor miserable bastard is getting a tad to “comfy” in his surroundings with you. Send him off with some of that Kentucky Jelly and a 80s style grainy porn and tell him to not pop the blisters so they will heal faster. Seriously WTF!

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    • Lmao! You are THE best!

      He is def too comfy. So I have a very fine line to walk so I make sure it doesn’t affect my relationship with Captain. So ridiculous.

      “…tell him to not pop the blisters…” – possibly best line ever for you! Lmao!!!

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  20. Phoenix says:

    WOW!!!!! I’m speechless and in awe…you are most definitely living the life that most of us wish and pray for post-divorce. I really believe I won’t ever get that closure from my ex and I know he won’t ever ask me that even when I do get serious with someone in the future. The pride won’t allow him to think that the problem might actually be with HIM and not entirely with me. Plus, it’s easier for him to believe that life is great with the slut and new baby than it could have even been with me and the girls.

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    • You’re so sweet and encouraging. Thanks for the support.

      I never in a million years thought my ex would approach me or admit he was miserable without us altogether. His pride and narcissistic tendencies are quite strong. So, I wouldn’t cross it out for your ex. He’ll certainly go out of his way to act like everything is all peachy in his life, but he’ll try something at some point. And I’ll be dying to hear all the juicy details! Lol! Xoxoxo

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  21. Someone is definitely sounding vulnerable and regretful. Well done on not telling him that he lost all rights to knowing that information when we shat on you with the other woman … I admire your ability to continue to be the better person. Awesome xx

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  22. YOU ARE AWESOME… not many would have responded as maturely as you did. As you said in the comment above being a bigger person can be hard but doesn’t it feel good once you succeed? All the more power to you girl ! ❤ 🙂

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    • Aw, thanks!! It’s so great having this kind of support. I do feel better keeping myself above petty/petulant behavior. It’d be easy to reduce myself but i don’t want to go down that road with him! Lol! Xoxo

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  23. Wow this is interesting! Things seem to turn out this way allot! You have done your best, you went through so much and now you can see that your patience and being a better person has paid off. You are happy and in a good place. My mom always told me, be your personal best no matter what others are doing. I think your example fits this perfectly! xxx

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  28. “Wished things had gone down differently and that he misses his family.” I wonder how typical this is? This makes me fume, as I’m sure it did for you. How many FOOLS realize, after exploring the “grass on the other side” how much warmth and comfort a home is with their wife and children? How much it added to their life to be a good man?

    I always wonder if my ex looks at all of his failures and sees them as they are. I’ll never know. But I do know it all worked out in my favor…and it seems the same for you, too!

    But, UGH! What fools!

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    • Fool, ain’t he? And now it’s filled with just emptiness and regret and guilt. But you couldn’t have convinced him he’d be feeling that a a year and a half ago… I told him he was a walking cliche back then.

      I’m positive your ex looks back and thinks that he seriously effed up his life and made poor choices. But nonetheless, it’s a good feeling to know that you don’t care if you never know because he’s that insignificant to you. 🙂

      How’s your son, btw? Hadn’t seen you post anything about him in a bit. How’s the move been for him? Xo

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      • He’s so great! He met a friend in his class who loves science and art (rather than sports like most other boys) and they ride the same bus AND live down the street from one another! The two are inseparable. We also live right down the street from an open park space for exploring, and he really gets a kick out of it. We chose a town that’s great for raising kids, so the transition has been great.

        I think it took him less than two weeks before he said to me, “It’s much better here in Connecticut than it was in Texas.” :D!!

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