My Mother-in-law

My Mother-in-law’s birthday was last week but we didn’t connect until a few days later.  I don’t speak much with her but we have always had a good relationship.

My MIL is an interesting woman. She suffers from panic disorders, anxiety and depression. She’s witnessed the death of two husbands and has a really screwed up family. She’s overweight, a chain smoker, always has some sort of ailment, etc. I feel her sons (Grayheart included) are often too hard on her and don’t understand or sympathize with her.

I’m not her daughter so I can’t attest to how good of a mom she was to her sons while raising them. They harbor resentment even though they all have a relationship with her. I think they’re often too abrasive with her given how sensitive she is… but it’s not my business.

Mother memeShe’s not the most active grandmother but she cares for my rugrats and checks up on them every so often. She remembers birthdays and always send Christmas gifts. She usually visits once a year from up North. She’s always been kind to me so I don’t have any complaints.

I feel like she’s only capable of so much given her history and disorders. I haven’t really spoken to her more than maybe twice in the last year.  I know she cares. She’s just different.

So we caught up on the family and she asked how I was. I replied I was doing well and that Grayheart and I were doing a nice job handling the kids throughout the divorce. And then I let it slip that his girlfriend, Raggedy Ann, had met the kids and all was fine.

She had no idea he had a girlfriend.

They’ve been together over a year now.

I didn’t get into any details with her about it. But I sure as hell made sure she knew this was the woman that was an active participant in the destruction of our marriage.

So I’m taking it that Grayheart is still a bit embarrassed about his rough beginnings with Raggedy. And doesn’t want to be judged for it.


But as meaningless as it is, part of me felt good that he’s kept this part of his life semi-compartmentalized. I had a small and temporary feeling of superiority. Silly, I know. But sometimes it’s these little things that make you feel better.

I’m finally putting my mother-in-law’s bday card in the mail now. Better late than never.


24 thoughts on “My Mother-in-law

      • I told my ex mother in law everything, she took it hard, which was surprising to me as she never seemed to care much about us, or him if her. She refused for a long time to believe & told family we re divorcing because he gambled. She did have peace with the situation before she died. Like you, I never told her to hurt her, but I felt she might be able to help him.

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        • I’m happy to hear she had peace before she passed away. I cannot even begin to imagine that conversation with her… But the truth is the truth. Also, most people care what their mother think so it’s good he got called out.

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  1. The fact that her own son hasn’t even mentioned that he has a girlfriend, let alone her contribution to the divorce, speaks volumes. One word comes to mind: coward. Perhaps I’m being harsh as I don’t know your ex, but when you fuck up, at least be man enough to own up to it.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. totallycaroline says:

    That’s ok, if I could I’d shout from the rooftop what an A Hole my ex was. I refuse to be ashamed or cover up for what he did to me. Why should I be ashamed, when I know I was a good wife. Your ex is embarrassed to tell his mom because he has a reason to feel embarrassed. Too bad, so sad, huh? 😜

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ooohh a friend of mine went through more or less exactly this. One of the reasons her ex kept it a secret from the family, is he was not 100% sure of the relationship, I think the girlfriend wasn’t exactly trusting either (the whole you can do it to your wife than you can do it to me) their relationship lasted 3 years and I think that is because she got pregnant. I do know, that every so often she would get texts saying how he had made a mistake and her stock answer was. See that bed, you made it, lie in it.

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