Breaking my own rules…

Let me just start of by saying that after such a crappy day Wednesday, Thursday turned out to be better.  Weird, but much better.

We are trying a weekly Thursday night dinner routine as a whole family so Grayheart came over for dinner. I cooked us up a delicious meal of churrasco (grilled skirt steak Nicaraguan style), salad and corn on the cob.  It went over fabulously.

We did the night routine with the kids and afterward caught up on house and schedule stuff.  He then all of a sudden asked me if I had a date Friday night!  (I don’t but I sure as hell was not going to tell him what my Friday night plans were!)  I wouldn’t answer the question, which drove him batty.  That somehow gave him the courage to start complimenting me on my appearance and share how turned on he was by me.  And then he kept on with the verbal diarrhea by asking me if I missed our lovemaking, etc., etc.

OKAY.  I WAS WEAK.

After much aggressive pursuit, one thing led to another and all I know is I went from the kitchen to the bedroom.  (Man, I swore I would not do this!). But it was fine.  Nothing mind blowing but certainly hit the spot. (I have needs, dammit!)  My dry spell goes back to mid November (with him) and it was a goodbye lovemaking session before he moved out.

Can I confess that I loved busting out a set of condoms for him to use?  We haven’t used condoms since… well, since 2002.  I’m not on the pill and I recently bought some Trojans to keep just in case he ever snooped, he’d think I was active.  (Which I’m not but still. It worked, didn’t it?)  I loved the look of surprise on his face when I took them out of the purse I take out partying.

So now I’m reflecting back on last night.  I was not myself during our session. I was guarded and I felt like I was with a different man.  My needs were purely physical.  I am a bit disappointed that I didn’t just send him packing before I let him seduce me but I’ve been so in need of human touch these days!  I don’t know if he sensed my disconnect but I quickly jumped in the shower and then he announced he would take off to avoid anything being “weird.”  I couldn’t agree more.

Strangely enough, I think (I hope) that this has helped create distance for me in an emotional way.  There just wasn’t that same bond or love there. I’m just perplexed that I have such little feeling over the whole experience.

So much for a 2015 being a year of abstinence, lol!