Familial love

That’s what Grayheart told me he feels for me.

Tuesday evening we had a talk. It started with a discussion about finances and then he dropped the “I just want to let you know that I did not leave you for [Raggedy Ann]. I was unhappy before she came along.” Then he went on that nothing happened with her until after we decided we were separating.

Ummm… Well, yes, she’s a symptom and not the full cause. But the blossoming relationship with her gave him the motivation to leave and not try to work things out with me. He begrudgingly agreed.

Do I believe him? Somewhat, yes. I do believe that their flirtation started when he went on his work trip late August. I do also show that the conversations on his phone (thanks to phone records) started when he confessed his unhappiness and desire to divorce. Does that lessen the hurt? No. Do you think I’ve forgotten the torture of him communicating with her while still living in my house? And poorly hiding it? Hell no.

And then he told me that he loves me deeply but in a “familial way.” Really? But I knew that already. I could tell his love had changed for me these last few weeks. He gave that romantic love – that infatuation – to her. There were no more longing glances or raised eyebrows when I bent down to pick something up or even attempts to touch me. He fell completely out of love with me and is over the marriage. Makes me feel like I wasted 13 years of my life.

So I took that conversation and pondered it the rest of the evening. I realized that this is what a break up feels like; it’s been so long since I’ve been through one. The unfamiliarity of rejection and humiliation and loss.
It just sucks to have to experience it within such close proximity of the heartbreaker.

I will say that although I’ve experienced a roller coaster of emotions, the feelings I have are more resentment, hurt, anger and sadness. I don’t pine for him. I think we are truly different people and the relationship was tough from the start. It just ended in such a hurtful way. And, let’s be real, no one wants to be dumped. 💔

13 thoughts on “Familial love”

  2. Reblogged this on How to Stop Pornography Addiction and commented:
    Husbands who flirt with women display publicly what they do in secret. The question is, “What’s going on behind closed doors? The wives usually don’t know.” I know what I did, and my wife paid a price. Thank God that I realized that I was a jerk! I had to stop the secrets such as pornography and all that went with it. It was worth it. Thank you for a great post.
    Dale

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    • Sigh… Makes you wonder what love is. Is it comfort and depth? Is it the passion of lust and infatuation? The illusion of searching for happiness? Is happiness a static thing? We had lots to improve on, which i reflect heavily on now. But i was content with my family. I have so many questions. Not enough answers. Nonetheless, sounds like you are a fabulous dad. :). That’ll be everlasting.

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  4. Debra says:

    I suppose there are many ways to feel love but I have to say that his kind of love looks pretty cheap from the outside: fickle and selfish. I kind of think that love — even or maybe especially a ‘familial’ love — just has to be more enduring than that. I know that if my husband and I started to drift apart I hope I wouldn’t just give up and run away from something uncomfortable or inconvenient. He means more than that. I kind of hate how he is dumping the problems all onto you. It is a double victimization: once for abandoning you twice for blaming you for his choices.

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    • Debra – you are 100% correct. He is selfish. And i think i deserve more. My therapist is convinced that his emotional equilibrium is off balance due to such a terrible upbringing and cant truly understand what true lasting love is. Psychology babble it may be but i do know that he is screwed up and will continue to long for happiness when in essence he’s not capable of without intensive therapy. Thank you for your very astute and wise observations and interpretations. 🌼

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  5. Finding My Inner Zen says:

    You are so strong! Your situation and having to continue dealing with him, I cannot fathom.

    It also doesn’t matter when he started having those feelings, either way the outcome was a painful one. Nothing he can say can change that.

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    • Agreed. Hurt is hurt. The pain is not lessened due to timing. He’s a selfish bastard.

      And thanks. I often wish he’d disappear so that i wouldnt have to deal with him. :/ this is our last family trip, though. Can’t deal with being with him in that close of quarters now.

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  6. I’ve not read the above responses, but I would bet that a thousand times you’ve been told…… your 13 years were not wasted. Of course, you have your children, which most moms would say… well you know the best thing that’s ever happened.

    I think that each relationship, romantic, friendship, and acquantince is a stepping stone the next. You will find love again, and when you do your tastes in men as well as the way you demand to be treated will be different as well. You will have perfected how to expect and how to be!

    Thanks for being so raw and painfully honest.

    Suz

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    • Hi Suz- you are very thoughtful and kind. You are right in everything you say. I just wish i could press “skip” and fast forward through the pain. :/ i know one day i’ll look back and now that everything was not in vain and that all was put in my path for a purpose. My kids alone are worth all the pain in the world.
      Hope you have a nice week! 🌸

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