Last night started off great. Had a wonderful sushi dinner with two of my best friends and then we headed to an Art Basel party. The scene was hip and artsy with lots of Caribbean flavor. And then there’s me in a skin tight little black dress that had a keyhole cutout to show off cleavage (in which, right before I left, my daughter asked me why I had a hole in the dress). I looked out of place and like I was trying too hard. Then I realized just how intimidated I was by the scene. I mean, earlier that day I had considered making out with a hot guy if the opportunity presented itself. Now? Not so much. The thought of another man touching or being intimate with me was repulsive. And going through the whole dating game just freaked me the hell out. All these thoughts running through my mind at the same time cause me to start tearing up so I disappeared on my friends to go control the waterworks that were coming. What the hell changed? I was so confident earlier in the day and then my confidence fell somewhere to the floor. Fear took over and loneliness was making its way in. How could this happen when I was surrounded by music and numerous people? I was trying too hard too fast. My friends found me and talked me back to reality. It was going to be a long road and I was going to have to accept it one way or another. And soon enough I won’t feel like such a fish out of water. This is all still part of finding me. With those thoughts and my friends by my side, I danced the rest of the night with them and enjoyed myself. ❤️
That night’s mantra: With friends and family, I will get through anything!